life

Romance That Began Online Is No Cause for Embarrassment

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 8th, 2009 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Sean," and I met online six months ago. We are now at the stage where we are meeting and going out with each other's friends and co-workers, and the question, "How did you meet?" is coming up.

Sean prefers his friends and family not know we met on an online dating site, while I have been up-front with my circle of friends. I would rather get our history straight before these groups meet each other.

How do we balance his need for privacy with my openness? I would also like to use this as an example to de-stigmatize online dating for my single friends. -- DATING IN D.C.

DEAR DATING: Doesn't your boyfriend know that many people meet online these days? Would he prefer his friends and family thought he picked you up in a bar? Joining a dating site is nothing to be ashamed of, and I have known several online matches that have led to happy marriages.

Doesn't the fact that Sean wants to fudge the truth with his family and friends bother you? I find that to be more of a concern than how you met.

life

Dear Abby for March 08, 2009

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 8th, 2009 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: A year and a half ago, right before I turned 16, I made the decision to start dating. Before I had my first boyfriend, I set some guidelines for what I wanted in a relationship -- someone who isn't controlling, who treats me well, etc.

I also decided to wait to have my first kiss until I found someone special. These days, I think too many people my age are too sexually active. I don't want a boy to feel that because I let him kiss me, I will take the next step with him. I think there is a line that should never be crossed before marriage.

Do you think I am taking this too far by wanting to wait to be kissed? Or are the boundaries I'm setting for myself reasonable? -- HOLDING OUT IN OREGON

DEAR HOLDING OUT: Of course the first person you kiss should be "special." And when you meet him, I am sure you'll know he's the right one. You have to do what is right for you. I respect the fact that you have set boundaries and refuse to do something just because someone else may be doing it.

life

Dear Abby for March 08, 2009

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 8th, 2009 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Knowing how much you care about animals, I hope you will make your readers aware of how dangerous lighted candles can be where there are pets in a home.

Many of us love to brighten our home with candles. They have become popular accessories due to home decorating shows and magazines. But for people who have pets, candles can pose a real danger. A cat can walk past a burning candle and ignite its fur. A happy dog's wagging tail can knock a burning candle over.

A candle placed too near a curtain can cause a whole house to go up in flames. And a person who leaves a candle lighted while he or she goes out on a quick errand can come home to find a tragedy. Please remind your readers to be mindful and to practice candle safety. -- ESTHER MECHLER, DIRECTOR, SPAY/USA

DEAR ESTHER: Thank you for the timely reminder that candles present a real danger if left unattended in a household with pets -- or small children. The good news is that flameless, battery-operated candles are now available that look exactly like the "real thing."

life

Jokes About Psychiatrist's Couch Aren't Amusing to Wife

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 7th, 2009 | Letter 1 of 4

DEAR ABBY: Will you please explain to your readers that doctors do not practice medicine 24 hours a day? Each time we reveal to people that my husband is a psychiatrist, we have to put up with unfunny jokes about how he's going to analyze them, or insinuations that all he does is sit on a couch and ask, "And how do you feel about that?" How should we respond to these misconceptions? -- NOT LAUGHING IN IOWA

DEAR NOT LAUGHING: The attempts at humor are not a reflection on your husband or the psychiatric profession. They are a clue that the person may be afraid that if he or she opens up and talks with him, he may realize that he or she is "crazy."

Your question takes me back to my childhood, when our family lived in the Midwest and the first psychiatrist moved to the city and opened a practice. For months, no one would talk to the poor man for exactly that reason.

When people "joke" that your husband is going to analyze them, he should smile and say, "Don't worry -- I'm off duty." (If I were in his shoes, I'd be tempted to ask, "... and how do you feel about that?")

life

Dear Abby for March 07, 2009

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 7th, 2009 | Letter 2 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I am being marred in the fall. Ever since I was 11, I have had a wonderful beagle. She sleeps in my bed and I take her everywhere. She cuddles with me and has been there for me during some of the most terrible times in my life. I treat her like she's my baby.

Abby, I want my dog to attend my wedding. One of my best friends -- one of my bridesmaids -- says a dog shouldn't be allowed to attend the wedding. I say she should be. Who is right? -- BRIDE-TO-BE IN ALABAMA

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: I have heard of dogs not only attending weddings, but also being part of the bridal party. However, whether your four-legged companion will be welcomed at your wedding may depend on how the person who officiates feels about it -- and that is the person you should consult.

life

Dear Abby for March 07, 2009

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 7th, 2009 | Letter 3 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I am at a loss as to how to deal with family members who constantly text others while supposedly visiting us or when we're having dinner out together.

I personally find it rude, but I am reluctant to ask them to put it away. Do you have a snappy comment for me? -- NON-TEXTER IN A TEXTING WORLD

DEAR NON-TEXTER: What your family members are doing is extremely rude. The message it sends to you is that your company is boring and the person would rather be elsewhere. (Indeed, the person who is texting IS elsewhere.) Tell your family members that when they visit, you would prefer they keep their electronic devices off until they leave. (If this happened while I was hosting a meal, I think I'd ask for separate checks and tell them why.)

life

Dear Abby for March 07, 2009

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 7th, 2009 | Letter 4 of 4

DEAR READERS: For those of you who live where Daylight Saving Time is observed, I offer a gentle reminder. Don't forget to turn your clocks forward one hour before you go to bed tonight because Daylight Saving Time begins at 2 a.m. tomorrow.

life

Man's False Online Profile Is About to Rear Its Ugly Head

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 6th, 2009 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am part of a group of people who read our local newspaper online and comment on the news of the day in the public forums provided. It's great fun and offers an excellent place to interact with others.

Some of us have become close, exchanging e-mails and chat messages. One of the women has suggested we all get together at a local watering hole and meet each other, and the gang has agreed.

I would love to join in, but the problem is that the persona I built online is that of a hunky, handsome young man -- including a pilfered photo I posted as "me" on my profile. Needless to say, he is NOT me. I am a 54-year-old, chubby, graying man who wears glasses.

I would love to meet these people, but I'm embarrassed about the lies I have told them. Some of the women have flirted with me, thinking I am this sexy guy. How can I fix this so we can all be friends? I am afraid they'll be angry at my ruse. -- ABS OF SPONGE

DEAR ABS OF SPONGE: Keep your sense of humor, wear a name tag that reads "Guess Who?" and when they ask who you are, remind them people shouldn't believe everything they read. You are by far not the only person to "fudge" by a few years -- or a few pounds -- in describing oneself. In fact, you may be surprised to discover that you weren't the only creative writer in the group.

P.S. Your true identity may be the most interesting "news flash" at the gathering.

life

Dear Abby for March 06, 2009

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 6th, 2009 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I plan to be married this spring. We have been engaged for 18 months, and he is a wonderful person. We are recent college graduates with good jobs and plan to continue working.

I recently inherited a large sum of money from my aunt, and my parents have recommended that I have a prenuptial agreement to protect my assets. My fiance has no substantial assets.

Abby, you have always stated that trust is one of the most important things in a relationship. Would it show a lack of trust if I ask for a prenup? When do you recommend one? -- TRUSTING IN ALABAMA

DEAR TRUSTING: I recommend a prenuptial agreement when there is a discrepancy in the amount of assets each partner is bringing to the marriage. Because you have doubts about having one, you should discuss the matter with an attorney. To ask your fiance to sign a prenup is not an indication that you don't trust him. On the contrary, his reluctance to sign one could be regarded as a lack of trust in you.

However, before the document is signed, it must be reviewed by an independent attorney (not yours) to ensure that your fiance's interests are also protected.

life

Dear Abby for March 06, 2009

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 6th, 2009 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: One of my teachers at school wears jeans and a T-shirt every day. None of the other teachers dresses so casually.

I mentioned it to my mom, and we both think it is unprofessional. Do you agree? If so, should we say something to the principal -- although I would imagine he already knows? -- TAKEN ABACK, CHEYENNE, WYO.

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: I do agree. And I am surprised that there isn't some kind of written dress code for the staff at your school. But allow me to offer a suggestion. Instead of your bringing this to the attention of the principal, the message might be better received if it was delivered by your mother.

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