DEAR ABBY: I was a healthy 12-year-old girl in junior high, sociable and energetic with no cares in the world, until one day my mother noticed I wasn't my usual self. I was tired and had no interest in any activities. Frustrated, she encouraged me to try out for my school's volleyball team.

What was supposed to be a routine physical for the team turned into a life-changing experience. I did not end up making the team. Instead I was diagnosed with chronic kidney disease. My test results showed that I had too much protein in my urine. After more tests, I was told I was in kidney failure.

I was only 12, and I didn't understand why this was happening to me. Nobody was expecting the news we got that day. The doctors told my parents that I would need to go on dialysis or have a kidney transplant and we should start looking for a donor.

A urine test was never part of any of my annual checkups. But protein in the urine is one of the earliest signs of kidney disease. That simple test might have prevented me from losing both kidneys.

Nearly 100,000 men, women and children are now on the waiting list for a lifesaving organ transplant. One hundred people are added to the list -- and 17 die -- every day. With early detection kidney disease can be prevented. So please urge your readers to get screened now and screened often. -- KLARISSA RAMIREZ, MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR KLARISSA: Thank you for your letter. I was, frankly, shocked to learn from it that kidney disease could strike a person at such a tender age. I'm pleased to pass along your important message.

Readers, March is National Kidney Month -- and March 12 is World Kidney Day. The National Kidney Foundation (NKF) has a screening program called KEEP, which stands for Kidney Early Evaluation Program. On World Kidney Day, KEEP will offer FREE screenings in cities across the country for people at risk for kidney disease.

If you or a family member has diabetes or high blood pressure, or if there is a history of kidney disease in your family, visit kidney.org to learn more and locate a screening near you, or call the National Kidney Foundation at 1-800-622-9010.

DEAR ABBY: My daughters feel my husband and I favor their younger brother. Our son has some social and developmental issues. We have explained to the girls that their circumstances are different and have even had his psychologist explain the reasons to them.

My middle daughter says it is just an "excuse," and she feels slighted. What can I do to help them see that we love them all and want the best for them, as well as to treat them fairly? -- CHALLENGED MOM IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR CHALLENGED MOM: One conversation with the psychologist obviously wasn't enough for at least one of your daughters, and my first suggestion is that you and your husband consider some ongoing family therapy for a while.

If your younger daughter is old enough, involve her while you are taking care of her brother. This will help her see for herself how time-consuming it really is, and what your responsibilities are as the mother of a child with special needs.

Equally important, if at all possible, arrange for respite care for your son once or twice a month to allow you to have some special one-on-one time with your daughters. Perhaps then they will feel less slighted.

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DEAR ABBY: My sister, "Joni," caught me having sex with my boyfriend. (We used protection, so it's not like I'm going to get pregnant.)

Our parents were away and Joni was supposed to be gone for several hours, so I thought we would be safe. But Joni had a fight with her boyfriend, came home sooner than we expected and caught us "in the act."

Now she's blackmailing me. I have to hand my allowance over to her -- and that's not all. She has turned me into her personal slave -- changing her bed, picking up her dirty clothes and doing her chores. She forces me to let her wear my nicest jeans and shirts, but because she's bigger than me, my clothes are getting stretched out of shape or torn at the seams. When I complain, she says, "What are you going to do about it? Go ahead and tell Mom and see what I tell her!"

I know if Joni tells our parents they won't let me see my boyfriend anymore. We're in love, and I couldn't handle that. But the blackmail is driving me crazy. Please help me. -- BLACKMAILED IN AMES, IOWA

DEAR BLACKMAILED: Part of being sexually active is being mature enough to be responsible about it -- and that includes not only making sure you won't become pregnant but also that you won't contract a sexually transmitted disease, some of which, I am sad to say, are rampant today. Because you are sexually active, you should now have regular checkups by a gynecologist and possibly be using a second form of birth control because condoms have been known to fail.

That is why it is important that you confide in your mother. Once she knows, your sister will have nothing to blackmail you about.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I disagree about something. When we use a restaurant coupon, how should we figure the tip? I say you should tip on what the total would have been if you didn't have the coupon. He says we tip on the discounted amount. It is unpleasant to go out anymore because we end up arguing at the end of the meal. Who is right? -- COUPONING IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR COUPONING: You are. Your husband is already getting a good deal because he is getting a discount. For him to expect the server to suffer a loss in gratuity income is stingy. How would he feel if the person brought out only one entree and let him pick up his from the kitchen? Not too pleased, I suspect.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been arguing about relationships after marriage. My daughter was married a while ago, and I have been told that now I must consider her in-laws as "family."

That's not the way I remember learning it. Yes, my daughter is now related to her husband's parents by marriage, but since when is there a "dotted line" connecting them to me? -- UNRELATED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR UNRELATED: The "dotted line" is the umbilical cord that connected your daughter to your wife and the heartstring that connects you to your daughter. So warm up and get with the program, or the person on the outside will be you.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to comment on the letter from "Once a Mechanic ... in Arizona" (Dec. 24), who still dreams about his job even though he is now retired. I once worked in the customer service department of a major retailer. During one Christmas season, a recurring dream would interrupt my sleep each night. In my dream, my bedroom door would open and a stream of customers would file in and line up next to my bed, their arms loaded down with purchases or returns.

After many frustrating nights of restless sleep, I finally figured out a solution. I envisioned a flashing neon sign on my headboard that read: "Lane Closed." The following night when the customers began filing in, I took control. I sat up and pointed to the flashing sign above my bed. The customers turned around, walked out the door, and my sleep wasn't disturbed again.

"Mechanic" needs to acknowledge that it is only a dream and direct it on a different path, as you suggested, by thinking about his hobbies or his family. Dreams are a part of our subconscious, but that doesn't mean we can't control their content. -- DREAM WEAVER IN MANITOWOC, WIS.

DEAR DREAM WEAVER: Thank you for sharing your solution for achieving peaceful slumber. Allow me to offer another: Each night before I fall asleep, I say my prayers and count my blessings, one by one. "Sweet dreams are made of these ..." Read on:

DEAR ABBY: A rich and blessed retirement sounds wonderful. If the dreams of "Mechanic's" lifelong trade persist and he finds he really misses working, there is a way to honor that gift while still enjoying his retirement. He should check around to see if there are any mentoring programs in his area offered through social services. I'm sure many teens and young men would appreciate knowing someone with his skills. -- JAN IN SPRING, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I have a master's degree in physics and have been known to solve calculus problems in my dreams. "Mechanic" should understand he is not alone, and probably was very good at his job. -- A.J. IN LITTLETON, COLO.

DEAR ABBY: I used to work in several demanding areas at a manufacturing plant, and I would often dream about being unable to keep up with production. Finally, I learned to relax and say, "Let the night shift do it!" Then I would be able to move on to a better dream. Now that I'm retired, I still dream occasionally about going back -- but only to visit, never to work. -- DAYDREAMER, OLIVET, MICH.

DEAR ABBY: Because "Mechanic" enjoys doing transmission repairs even though he is retired, perhaps he could make some sort of arrangement to offer his expertise to low-income families who have cars in need of repairs. It would be a way of helping people with a need while doing what he did for so long and misses. -- A FELLOW ARIZONAN