DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Warren," and I are happily married. We love each other. We are both hardworking career professionals and have raised our family. We have always been faithful to each other.

Warren is very open with his emotions and often tells me how much he loves me. He is also very passionate during our intimate moments. The problem is, he expects me to act the same way -- which I can't. Although I love my husband and always will, I do not feel comfortable expressing myself the way he does during our lovemaking. I am content to just "get it over with" while he yearns for the kissing, hugging and talk.

Despite an active sex life with Warren, he has told me many times he wishes I were more expressive and open with my feelings. I respond by telling him, "I am who I am." He is not happy that I refuse to change.

Warren is a wonderful man. Other women probably would have no problem giving him what he wants, but we are not compatible this way. I have never spoken to anyone else about this, and I'm wondering what you think. -- CONFUSED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR CONFUSED: I think it's time you considered the fact that by "refusing" to change, you have limited some interesting and rewarding possibilities in your marriage. One important aspect of "performance" is receiving feedback, as anyone in the arts can attest. Lovemaking is an art, and partners need to know when they, too, are doing something right.

I wish you would have this discussion with a therapist who specializes in sexual issues. Perhaps the person can help you more effectively communicate. If you make the effort, you'll have a happier husband, and a more satisfying marriage will follow.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend from childhood, "Ethan," whom I have known for 25 years, is being married. I'm a girl, and my parents weren't thrilled that my best friend was a guy, but they eventually accepted him as part of the family.

Ethan and I were very close. It hurt that we were separated by quite a distance during college and afterward. But we have always maintained an active e-mail correspondence.

During the last two years I have hardly heard from him, and he has ignored several attempts I have made at getting together. We now live only a couple of hours apart, and I often visit his city to see relatives.

I thought maybe we had just grown apart, but two weeks ago I received an invitation to Ethan's wedding. I had no idea he was even engaged! I was thrilled to hear from him and happy for him. I e-mailed him three times but received no response. Instead, Ethan's brother responded.

Is it expecting too much for him to respond personally? I miss him terribly and I'd love to go, but I'm feeling like he doesn't care. I met Ethan's girlfriend years ago, and she was very sweet. I don't think jealously plays a part in this. -- MISSING MY FRIEND

DEAR MISSING: Time and distance can sometimes change some people. It shouldn't be this difficult to maintain a friendship. The reason Ethan communicated with you through his brother instead of directly is because he wanted a buffer -- but it sends a message.

If I were you, I would send my regrets to the wedding invitation and move on. I'm sorry to be the bearer of sad tidings, but from where I sit, it appears your childhood friendship has run its course.

DEAR ABBY: Your answer to "Solo in Florida" (Dec. 26) saddened me. The writer, a confirmed bachelor, wrote about not wanting to be a role model for a 14-year-old boy, "Kyle," who became attached to him at church.

While I agree that the boy's parents have placed an unfair burden on this man, I'm sorry you didn't remind him how few people have the chance to positively impact the lives of others, particularly the lives of young children. Although "Solo" does not intend to have children of his own, he does have a chance to pass on something of equal value -- his wisdom and life experience.

Please remind "Solo" a bachelor is still a member of a community, and it takes a village to raise a child. -- HUMANIST IN BRITISH COLUMBIA

DEAR HUMANIST: Your point is well stated, and many readers agreed with you. However, "Solo in Florida" said he loves his freedom, has no desire to be a mentor, and may not possess the temperament to be one. While it is clear that "Kyle" is lacking something in his life, it is not Solo's responsibility to provide it. And Kyle's parents should not be pressing him into service. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My son fits "Kyle's" description. He is intelligent, articulate, has few friends and looks to adults in our community for conversation and friendship. I'm sure he has annoyed more than one person at church, school or in other activities.

My son has Asperger's syndrome, a high-functioning form of autism. As a rule, individuals with Asperger's are very literal and lack the ability to read vocal inflections, body language and gestures. They frequently misinterpret conversations and situations.

If a diagnosis proves my hunch, Kyle's family should look to someone who works with individuals with autism who can teach him the tools he needs to communicate with others -- including "Solo" -- without violating social boundaries. Everyone will be happier for the effort. -- MOM OF ASPIES IN MINNESOTA

DEAR ABBY: It is possible that Kyle may be dealing with gay issues. Quite often, and especially in families involved in church, there are few if any role models for a teen who thinks he (or she) is gay. It may be that this man's kindness and the fact that he is unattached would make him the closest candidate for a role model. -- CURTIS IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR ABBY: Because Kyle's mother is asking "Solo" to share meals with them in an effort to "control" the boy, she seems to feel that this approach has merit. Solo could tell her that while he is honored her son has chosen him as a mentor, he does not wish to take on that commitment, and suggest that she contact Big Brothers to find someone who does. -- JANE IN MESA, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: Perhaps "Solo in Florida" should become a little less "solo" at church a few times. If he arranged to arrive with and sit between or among some other adults there, he might be able to put a little distance between himself and the boy. -- GRAMMY IN HAWAII

DEAR ABBY: Male teens who behave like Kyle often suffer from depression, undiagnosed ADD/ADHD and may be at risk for drug abuse or suicide. Involving the spiritual adviser is a good first step in helping the boy. Kyle needs a psychiatric evaluation, the family needs counseling, and his parents could benefit from some parenting classes. -- ADVOCATE IN GARDEN GROVE, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: Just a few words and a friendly smile can often do far more than one can ever imagine for a person who seems starved for attention. Even if "Solo" doesn't do anything to help that boy, I hope he at least will NOT do anything to offend or hurt him. -- DELAWARE READER

DEAR ABBY: My father recently began treatment for cancer. He has radiation daily and chemo once a week. Mom and Dad spend many hours sitting in the hospital for these treatments.

Several families from church have asked what they can do to make my parents' lives easier at this time. I have asked that instead of offering to make meals (Mom and Dad are both on restricted diets), donating puzzle books, meditation books and crossword puzzles to be enjoyed at the hospital would be a better idea.

I also plan to assemble some "boredom-buster bags" for my parents each week, so they won't get antsy waiting around for the procedures to be finished. -- TRISHA IN MOORESVILLE, IND.

DEAR TRISHA: That's a terrific idea. However, if the church members would like to become more involved, ask them to consider saving their fashion, sports and political magazines and deliver them on a regular basis to the chemotherapy center. That way they will not only help your parents, but also other patients who are undergoing treatment there. I'm sure the donations would be greatly appreciated.

DEAR ABBY: I recently graduated from college, but aside from that, I can't seem to finish anything I start. I am a creative and talented designer, but because I no longer have deadlines, I don't see any of my projects through to completion.

I have tried giving myself personal deadlines to no avail, because I know there will be no consequences. Then I become angry and frustrated with myself, and the piles of uncompleted work get larger and larger. It seems like I am easily bored or stressed -- that's when I stop working. I long for a sense of accomplishment and pride in my abilities. Could I have a disorder? -- NEEDS HELP FINISHING TH ...

DEAR NEEDS HELP: Not unless being disorganized and not a self-starter is a disorder. Your inability to abide by personal deadlines will have serious "consequences" if you plan to have a career in design, because if you can't complete a project, you will have nothing to show potential clients. If you have nothing to show, you reduce the chances of being hired. So stop the self-indulgence and get moving!

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, my husband and I had beautiful wood floors installed in our home. My problem is my two sons, ages 20 and 21, who constantly track dirt through the house. I have asked many times that they please wipe their feet or remove their shoes. They do it only if I am in the living room and can see them when they walk in.

I would like to tack a sign on the front door that says, "Wipe your feet or remove your shoes before entering." My husband thinks it would be rude, but he's not the one who has to constantly clean the floor.

Would it be rude to put up a sign? Or must I just continue to sweep and mop daily? -- TIRED OF MOPPING IN DENHAM SPRINGS, LA.

DEAR TIRED OF MOPPING: If your sons are the only offenders, hanging a sign should not be necessary. In your absence your husband should enforce the rules. And if he doesn't, then HE should do the mopping.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)