DEAR ABBY: I clearly remember my first Valentine's Day. I was in first grade. A few days before, my mom asked how many kids were in my class, and we went to a store and bought large packages of valentines -- one for every child in the class. The cards were all the same size and said, basically, the same thing.

When I arrived at school, each classmate had a small box on his or her desk. At some point during the day, I went around the room and gave each child a valentine. There was one for the quiet one in the back, the most popular girl in class, the prettiest and even the boys. This was long before society taught me that such a show of affection had to exclude people of the same gender as me. By the end of the day, everyone had a full box of valentines to take home.

One desk, one box ... the love of a child.

As I grew older, society taught me to narrow my offering of affection, picking only those I chose to be special or worthy. Eventually, I was taught to limit my valentines to only one person. More time went on, and then a card was not enough. To show that really special person what she meant to you, you needed to send flowers, candy and jewelry.

Apparently, as we grew older it took more and more to fill those boxes. Now we absolutely could not give to more than one person. People hire detectives to make sure that the person isn't filling anyone else's. And if you had no one to send you anything, you were saddened by your big, empty box filled only with sadness and despair.

Today, I am taking back from society what it has taken from me. I'm counting how many people play a role in my life, and I am buying "virtual" packages of cards. I have one for every single one of you -- man or woman, young or old, straight or gay, married or single. Each card is the same size, they all say the same thing -- that I appreciate who you are and what you have to contribute to each other.

I invite each and every one to do the same, so that no box is empty and the shy ones, the pretty ones, the popular ones and those who are less so go home tonight with a full box of valentines.

One virtual desk, one virtual box, and the love of a child at heart. I wish you all a happy Valentine's Day. -- ERIC IN LOS ALAMITOS, CALIF.

DEAR ERIC: Your letter touched me -- and I am sure that everyone who reads it wishes the same for you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm being married in a few weeks -- my third marriage, his first. We live together and keep our finances separate, which works for us. We intend to keep things that way after the wedding.

My problem is I want to keep my maiden name, and my fiance wants me to adopt his. Having been divorced twice, I speak from experience when I say what a pain it is to change one's name on checking accounts, credit cards, etc. I love my fiance and believe he's the man I'll grow old with, but I would like to keep my name.

Am I being selfish, or have you any thoughts as to how I can keep "me" on paper and still make my future husband happy? -- HAD IT WITH ALIASES IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR HAD IT: Believe me, I do sympathize with your dilemma. However, I have a question: Which is more important to you -- the hassle you'll go through one more time, or your fiance's feelings? Let the answer be your guide.

DEAR ABBY: I am 16 but will be 17 in a few months. I have known my boyfriend, "Gabriel," for two years. He is my first boyfriend.

After four months of dating, Gabriel has asked me to marry him, and I said yes. He had been hinting about an engagement, and I didn't have the heart to say otherwise. Gabriel is very dear to me, but I keep hearing people say, "Keep your options open." I told Gabriel that I am young (he's 18), and I want to take it slowly, but he says if I break up with him to date other guys, he will never date me again.

Abby, I want to make sure Gabriel is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Sometimes I wish I hadn't started dating him because I feel too young to be engaged or married. I love Gabriel dearly. I don't want to break his heart or mine. I am also scared I might mess up this relationship. What should I do to make myself believe that I have found my true love? -- STUCK IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR STUCK: You should have been absolutely honest with Gabriel from the beginning. When you have found your own true love, you won't have to "make yourself" believe it. You will KNOW it.

Gabriel is pressuring you because he is afraid if you start dating others he won't measure up. For both your sakes, tell him that you are not ready to make the kind of commitment he is demanding. He may not like hearing it, but it is the truth. You won't break his heart, and once you have done it, you will feel a sense of relief.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married almost five years. Our wedding present from his sister and her husband -- who owns a video production company -- was supposed to be our wedding video.

Abby, we still have not received it or seen it. We have asked for it many times, and his answer is always, "I'm working on it." It's really sad. I now have two children, and this has become a sore subject. What can I do to get it without causing any more drama in the family? -- YEARNING TO SEE IT IN NEW ORLEANS

DEAR YEARNING: What can you do to get it? FORget it! Either the video was lost or something went wrong with the camera during your wedding, and your brother-in-law didn't have the courage to fess up. Shame on him.

DEAR ABBY: I am confused. What is the rule of etiquette for buying drinks these days? I feel as though I am required to buy drinks for women whenever I am out, but I can't afford to keep this up. I'm afraid if I don't offer, I will be regarded as cheap.

I'm not dating anyone, but I still feel like it is my "macho duty" whenever I'm out with female friends or meeting women. What is the acceptable social protocol? -- J.G. IN COLLEGE STATION, TEXAS

DEAR J.G.: Things have changed a lot over the last 20 years or so. Many women prefer to buy their own drinks these days. While it is sweet of you to offer, you are under no social obligation to do so. My advice to you is to be less quick on the draw.

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, my husband of 25 years, "Glen," discovered that I'd had an affair 10 years earlier. After he found out, he couldn't sleep or eat, had recurring nightmares about the affair and was suicidal. He says it is still the first thing that pops into his mind when he wakes up and the last thing he thinks about when he goes to sleep. Neither of us thinks he will ever be able to get over it.

Glen doesn't want to be married to someone who would lie and cheat, and I don't want to be married to someone who can't love me. Actually, I don't think I love him, either. We have discussed divorce many times but it always comes down to our kids.

They are all on their own, but they would be devastated if we divorced -- especially if they knew what caused it. We don't want them to go through the pain that Glen has gone through. We love them and cherish the times we still have together as a family. If we were to divorce, it would never be the same.

Are we crazy to stay together for the kids? -- GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR GOING: I am not the person who should answer that question. Only you and Glen can do that. I can, however, advise you that you and your husband are two years overdue for couples therapy.

Infidelity is painful, but it is possible to recover from it, heal a marriage and emerge stronger than ever as a couple. However, if it is not possible to do that, then divorce is a preferable alternative to the marriage you have described.

DEAR ABBY: I have a simple answer for "Frustrated in Pennsylvania" (Nov. 30), whose wife forgets to enter her check amounts into her check register. I had the same problem when I was first married.

My smart wife went to the bank and asked for advice. The checks I've used ever since make a carbon copy. The date, to whom the check is written and the amount are all automatically recorded on the copy. The checks come in a wide selection of designs -- and the peace of mind is really nice. -- BOB B., LE CENTER, MINN.

DEAR BOB: Many readers wrote, as you did, that duplicate checks are the solution to this common problem, which, by the way, affects both men and women. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Here's what I did with my husband. We got duplicate checks. Having a copy of the check simplifies balancing the checkbook.

After first complaining he was being treated like a child about money, he got hit with multiple overdraft fees, and we were unable to attend an event he was dying to go to because we didn't have the money. He is much better now, but it took a lot of convincing to get him to use them. -- LORRAINE H., SIERRA VISTA, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I could never resolve our conflicts over finances. We have more arguments about money than any other subject. We finally resolved it by getting three separate accounts: hers, mine and "household," to which we both contribute equally. -- GERALD IN LA QUINTA, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I have been looking online to buy a used car, but I don't know how early or late to call the owners. Can you please enlighten me on the appropriate hours of the day -- or night? Thanks! -- FAITH IN HANNIBAL, MO.

DEAR FAITH: The rule of thumb that I was taught is that calls between 9 a.m. and 9 p.m. are appropriate. To call before or after that could be intrusive because the person may retire early or sleep a little later.