DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, my husband of 25 years, "Glen," discovered that I'd had an affair 10 years earlier. After he found out, he couldn't sleep or eat, had recurring nightmares about the affair and was suicidal. He says it is still the first thing that pops into his mind when he wakes up and the last thing he thinks about when he goes to sleep. Neither of us thinks he will ever be able to get over it.

Glen doesn't want to be married to someone who would lie and cheat, and I don't want to be married to someone who can't love me. Actually, I don't think I love him, either. We have discussed divorce many times but it always comes down to our kids.

They are all on their own, but they would be devastated if we divorced -- especially if they knew what caused it. We don't want them to go through the pain that Glen has gone through. We love them and cherish the times we still have together as a family. If we were to divorce, it would never be the same.

Are we crazy to stay together for the kids? -- GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR GOING: I am not the person who should answer that question. Only you and Glen can do that. I can, however, advise you that you and your husband are two years overdue for couples therapy.

Infidelity is painful, but it is possible to recover from it, heal a marriage and emerge stronger than ever as a couple. However, if it is not possible to do that, then divorce is a preferable alternative to the marriage you have described.

DEAR ABBY: I have a simple answer for "Frustrated in Pennsylvania" (Nov. 30), whose wife forgets to enter her check amounts into her check register. I had the same problem when I was first married.

My smart wife went to the bank and asked for advice. The checks I've used ever since make a carbon copy. The date, to whom the check is written and the amount are all automatically recorded on the copy. The checks come in a wide selection of designs -- and the peace of mind is really nice. -- BOB B., LE CENTER, MINN.

DEAR BOB: Many readers wrote, as you did, that duplicate checks are the solution to this common problem, which, by the way, affects both men and women. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Here's what I did with my husband. We got duplicate checks. Having a copy of the check simplifies balancing the checkbook.

After first complaining he was being treated like a child about money, he got hit with multiple overdraft fees, and we were unable to attend an event he was dying to go to because we didn't have the money. He is much better now, but it took a lot of convincing to get him to use them. -- LORRAINE H., SIERRA VISTA, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I could never resolve our conflicts over finances. We have more arguments about money than any other subject. We finally resolved it by getting three separate accounts: hers, mine and "household," to which we both contribute equally. -- GERALD IN LA QUINTA, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I have been looking online to buy a used car, but I don't know how early or late to call the owners. Can you please enlighten me on the appropriate hours of the day -- or night? Thanks! -- FAITH IN HANNIBAL, MO.

DEAR FAITH: The rule of thumb that I was taught is that calls between 9 a.m. and 9 p.m. are appropriate. To call before or after that could be intrusive because the person may retire early or sleep a little later.

DEAR ABBY: I have tried to have cordial relations with my neighbors, but do not have particularly close friendships with any of them.

A little over a year ago, a young man started coming to my home on a regular basis whenever my wife was out of town. After a while, he began spending the night with me when she was away.

Evidently, some of my neighbors noticed these visits and started gossiping about it, spreading the rumor that I am gay and that this young guy is my lover. More recently, however, he has spent the night when my wife is present, so now my neighbors think something kinky is going on.

At times I am puzzled by this. At other times I am angry at their arrogance and gall. The explanation is simple: The young man is my son from a previous relationship. Because we were prevented from having contact when he was a child, we are now trying to establish a relationship -- and we are making progress. My wife and other children have been wonderfully supportive in all this.

I really don't want to tell my neighbors what's going on because it will inevitably lead to a disclosure of some things that are really none of their business. But I am troubled by the rumor that I have a young male lover. What do you think I should do? -- I'M HIS DAD IN VIRGINIA

DEAR DAD: If you don't want to let your neighbors know the truth, then you will have to tolerate the fact that they have active imaginations and have drawn their own (mistaken) conclusions. If I were in your shoes, however, I think I'd come "out of the closet" on the paternity issue and put the gossip to rest by having your wife introduce your son around as exactly who he is.

DEAR ABBY: I started working in a medical office a year ago. I handle the financial end of the practice and, because of that, I have a private office. I have six co-workers who assume that I am antisocial because I stay in my office most of the time.

When I come out to socialize, they ignore me and have given me unpleasant vibes. I tried recently to transfer to another medical office, but my boss counter-offered so that I would stay. Out of loyalty to him, I stayed.

Now I have to continue going to lunch alone and sitting in my office all day without anyone saying a word to me. What can I do to feel more accepted? -- EXCLUDED IN ALABAMA

DEAR EXCLUDED: Try a little harder to integrate into the group by bringing some treats to the office for "the gang" and offering to share, or inviting them all out to lunch.

However, if that doesn't melt some ice, have a talk with the office manager because you have described a hostile work environment. If you are the office manager, then let the doctor know what's going on. There are steps your boss can take to rectify the situation. And if it doesn't happen, take the other job and let the doctor know why.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are having a "debate," and I hope you can help. When dining out in a restaurant, is it proper etiquette to ask for a taste from another person's plate? -- WHAT'S MINE IS MINE IN MAINE

DEAR W.M.I.M.: I have never heard of any rule of etiquette that forbids asking for a bite. If you're afraid your husband will take too much, place a small portion on your bread plate and pass it to him.

DEAR ABBY: I am a private person by nature and avoid doing a lot of posting on the Internet because of it. My problem is a friend I'll call "Maria," who constantly posts pictures of our outings with friends on her Web site for everyone to see.

The photos themselves are not embarrassing, I just prefer not having my face plastered all over the Internet. Most recently, Maria posted photographs from my wedding without asking me, and it really bothered me. I understand that she is an outgoing person who enjoys sharing details of her life, but I feel like my privacy has been invaded.

I am not the only person in our group that feels this way. How do we ask her to stop posting these images without offending her? -- OVEREXPOSED IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR OVEREXPOSED: You do it by telling Maria -- with a smile -- that posting your pictures on her Web site makes you uncomfortable and to please stop it.

If you don't have the courage to confront her one-on-one, then do it as a group. Should Maria "forget" and continue posting pictures you'd rather not appear online, remember to duck when she whips out her camera.

DEAR ABBY: Would you mind settling a debate? My friend Tony was born in New York. His parents moved the family to Florida when he was 6.

Tony's wife was born and raised in New York, and he says he is "from New York." She disagrees and tells him he is from Florida because he was raised there.

When someone asks, "Where are you from?" (geographically), what is the correct response? -- BORN IN JERSEY, RAISED IN FLORIDA

DEAR BORN/RAISED: What often prompts that question is a regional or a foreign accent, and some people become defensive when asked where they are from. In states like Florida, Arizona, Nevada and California the question often comes up because so many residents have moved from somewhere else.

When Tony is asked, it might be more accurate to respond, "I was born in New York and raised in Florida," and his wife should not need to correct him. (Dear Abby rule for a successful marriage: Don't start arguments over things that are inconsequential.)

DEAR ABBY: I am married for the second time and have added two boys to my three. My stepsons are great, but I do have one challenge. Their mother can sometimes be "excessive." She buys them expensive gifts for no reason, allows them to drink sugary soft drinks, etc. This is very different from how I parent my sons.

Yesterday, the younger one was showing us his wiggly tooth (his first) and said he would be taking it to his mom's house because she leaves $20 while we only give $1! So far, I have taken the grin-and-bear-it route. I'm curious as to your take on the situation. -- TOOTH FAIRY IN GAITHERSBURG, MD.

DEAR TOOTH FAIRY: Your husband's ex may feel guilty about the divorce and be using gifts to make it up to her boys, or she may be trying to one-up you. It is also possible that this is the way her mother raised her -- in a household where $20 for a lost tooth was not unusual and sugary soft drinks were a staple. So keep smiling and try not to let it get to you.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)