DEAR ABBY: My youngest son, "Trent," is 17. At a very early age it became apparent that he was a gifted athlete. Years of stellar performance in baseball and other sports have elevated him to a high social status -- and it has created a rift between us.

Trent has become unmanageable. He regards my influence, direction and discipline to be nothing more than a daily hindrance. Somewhere in the sports mania, I lost control as a father.

As his only parent (and support), I wonder how many other parents are really aware of the crushing burden and peer pressure these young people experience in the quest for athletic perfection. I have and always will support my son's goals, but I see a disassociation with reality while he revels in his status. A college scholarship is a given.

Is my issue unique? Do you have any advice for me? -- SPORTS DAD DOWN SOUTH

DEAR SPORTS DAD: As a single parent, watching his last child getting ready to leave the nest, your situation is far from unique. You have devoted the last 17 years to your son's welfare, and now that he is nearing adulthood you feel him slipping away.

There comes a point when parents have to start trusting that the values they have instilled in their offspring are deeply rooted enough to guide them in the right direction in the coming years. You cannot supervise and influence your son much more than you already have. So my advice is to keep the lines of communication open and to start letting go. Life will teach him lessons that will bring him back down to earth eventually.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 29, and my girlfriend, "Mia," is 25. We have been in a committed relationship for 10 months. A few weeks into our relationship I noticed that every time Mia was relaxing or riding in the car, she would suck her thumb. When she spends the night with me, she brings her baby blanket.

Mia used to be discreet about the thumb-sucking, but now she openly does it in front of my parents and our friends. She also sucks her thumb in front of her parents. From time to time they try to correct her, but when they do, she yells at them to "get off her back." When I mention it, she becomes upset and defensive and says she sees no reason to stop.

I care about Mia and don't want to hurt her, but friends and family have asked me about her habit. Is this just a bad habit or a sign of something else? -- LEFT WONDERING IN SEATTLE

DEAR LEFT WONDERING: Mia's thumb-sucking may be her way of relieving stress, or it could be a symptom of an underlying emotional disorder. However, if this is the way your girlfriend talks to her parents, you should recognize that it is also a sign of what you may have to look forward to in the future -- so be warned.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who leaves full bottles of liquor on her kitchen table for days at a time. She has an 8-year-old son who eats at the table. Is this good for the boy, or can it affect him in any way? I need to know if I should say something. -- RUTH IN DAYTONA BEACH

DEAR RUTH: Unless you have reason to think that your friend's son is sampling the booze, I see no reason for you to interfere. You did say they were FULL bottles of liquor, didn't you?

DEAR ABBY: I'm a fiercely independent and headstrong woman. I have recently begun dating my childhood sweetheart, "Jess," again after 20 years. Jess is traditional and would prefer I surrender my independence and allow him to take the "man's" role. We are trying to compromise, but now another issue has come up.

My best friend, "Wendell," recently proposed to his girlfriend and asked me to be his best woman at the wedding. Of course I accepted. I'm excited about the honor he has bestowed upon me, and I will be wearing a tuxedo and stiletto heels.

Jess is totally against it. He says Wendell is treating me like I'm a man and I'm going along with it. Every time the subject comes up, Jess gets angry. He hasn't met Wendell yet, and I would love more than anything for my two special guys to get along. What am I to do? -- ON THE SPOT IN WALDORF, MD.

DEAR ON THE SPOT: Before you go much further with Jess, it is important that you clearly understand not only what he feels a "man's role" is, but also exactly what he thinks a woman's role should be. Your relationship with him would be a lot healthier if he could accept you just as you are -- and from your description of what's going on, I'm not sure he's flexible enough to do that.

It appears that Jess' thinking is firmly rooted in the 1930s. He may be a lovely person, but from my perspective, his definition of "compromise" is for you to assume the role of a female of that era. Women have come a long way since then, and I don't think assuming that role would be healthy for you.

DEAR ABBY: I have two grandsons and a new granddaughter. My daughter-in-law keeps dressing the infant in black dresses for her monthly pictures.

Abby, I can't stand to see a beautiful baby dressed in black. I have purchased lovely, colorful outfits for her at children's shops only to have her mother return them. Is this a new trend, does she have terrible taste, or am I crazy? –- FEELING BLUE IN RICHLAND, WASH.

DEAR FEELING BLUE: It's not a new trend, it isn't terrible taste, and you're not crazy. It is, however, a matter of PERSONAL taste. Black garments are available for children of all ages. When I mentioned your letter to a photographer who specializes in children's portraits, I was informed that wearing black is not typical in children's photos -- unless the parents are into Goth. Could this include your daughter-in-law?

DEAR ABBY: A few months ago, my sister's husband of 20 years suddenly left her for a 23-year-old girl. He is living openly with her, even though he is still married to my sister. What is most disturbing is some members of his family are openly supporting this affair.

The shock of my brother-in-law's infidelity is painful enough, but the insensitivity of these family members is unbelievable. Are those people ignorant or just plain evil? -- HURTING FOR MY SISTER

DEAR HURTING: The situation you have described is very sad. Not knowing the husband's family, I can't judge whether they are ignorant or evil. However, it's clear that in this case, blood is thicker than water -- and for whatever reason, some of the in-laws never bonded emotionally with your sister.

DEAR ABBY: I am 21 and have been with a great guy, "Albert," who's 20, for more than a year. We're engaged to be married and live together in a condo we recently bought. We both work full time and support ourselves comfortably.

While I would love to marry Albert, I feel we are young and I see no need to rush into it. Things are wonderful between us, but I'm not really looking forward to a wedding.

Albert wants a formal wedding with family in attendance. He says his parents and other family members would be upset if we eloped and would have trouble forgiving him. I'm a rather reserved person, and the idea of being put in the spotlight, with all the hoopla and expense, is overwhelming. In fact, to elope would be perfect for me.

When I share my feelings with Albert, he becomes offended and accuses me of not being as "in love" with him as he is with me. I do love him, and I would be happy to be his wife. I'm just not interested in a ceremony and everything that goes with it. We need advice. -- RELUCTANT BRIDE IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR RELUCTANT: The fact that you "see no need to rush" and say you're "not really looking forward to a wedding" indicates to me that while you love your fiance and theoretically would like to marry him someday, you are not yet ready to make that final commitment. Albert may be picking up on your ambivalence, which is why he says you don't love him as much as he loves you and becomes "offended" when you try to discuss your feelings.

Of one thing I am certain: You should not elope or have any other kind of wedding right now. What you should do is talk with your clergyperson. Premarital counseling, which is offered by most denominations, will help to ensure that you and Albert are in agreement about other important topics, including (but not limited to) how you plan to handle finances, how many children you want, how they should be raised, etc. These are issues that can make or break a marriage.

DEAR ABBY: Not long ago, I returned to my hometown for a funeral and reconnected with a distant cousin I hadn't seen since high school. "Jake" and I were close growing up, but had lost touch after I moved away at 17.

Since my trip home we have been in constant contact. Over Thanksgiving, Jake joined me for a long weekend getaway. He also made plans for us to be together on New Year's Eve and to take some other fun trips. We both feel we could have a future together, but we're worried about what people back home will say. (It's a small town where everyone knows everything.)

Jake remains very close to some of my other family, so it would be hard to drop the "cousin" role. I spoke with my doctor before getting involved; he confirmed there are no medical reasons why we shouldn't. We're sixth cousins, but were raised as if we were closer than that.

Have you any advice on how to make the transition from cousins to a couple? -- RELATED IN OREGON

DEAR RELATED: Sixth cousins are so distantly related that there is no reason why you shouldn't be a couple if you wish to be. Becoming a couple is an evolution. Let the relationship evolve -- and don't be secretive. People who love you should be happy for both of you.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)