DEAR ABBY: From the time when I was a teen, whenever a romance of mine ended, my mother would continue having her own relationship with the ex, regardless of how I felt about it.

Over the years she has attended my ex-husband's wedding, still visits with my former high school boyfriend, contacts my sister's ex-boyfriend -- the list goes on and on. Not surprisingly, this issue has generated some heated exchanges.

Now my adult daughter is experiencing the same thing. She recently ended a three-year relationship, and guess where Mother ended up? She drove 20 miles to visit him in his store, although there are plenty of other stores she could have gone to nearby.

I have long felt that I didn't matter much to her since my exes were so important to her. But seeing the pain this has brought to my daughter makes me furious all over again. Should we just never introduce her to anyone in our lives until the wedding? -- SICK OF THE EX-FACTOR

DEAR SICK OF THE EX-FACTOR: You're within your rights to do that. However, I find it odd that not only does your mother have such a hard time letting go of these men, but also that all of them seem to have a hard time letting go of her. I could see this happening once -- but that it's happening with all of them seems peculiar.

DEAR ABBY: I am an obese woman who had the lap band procedure done three months ago. I am now able to eat only three or four ounces of food at a time, and I am starting to show some major weight loss.

What do I say to people with whom I go out to eat when they think I am being finicky or snobbish for not eating my entire meal? I have gotten some pretty weird stares, and one of my co-workers believes I have an eating disorder.

Abby, I would prefer not to come out and say that I have had weight-loss surgery, but I don't want people worried about me either. Any suggestions? -- MINI-ME IN TEXAS

DEAR MINI-YOU: So many people in this country have serious weight problems, I see no reason why you shouldn't be frank about what you decided to do about yours. It's not shameful, and it should not be a guilty secret. People who know you well will find out eventually.

However, if you are determined not to reveal that you had the surgery, when you eat out in restaurants, order only an appetizer. That way less food will remain on your plate.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a retired guy who likes to stay in shape, so I run and hike in a neighborhood park several times a week.

I was brought up to be friendly and outgoing, so I make a point of saying "hi" to everyone I pass. I don't expect anything in return, but it puzzles me that so few people (about one in six) will give a mannerly old guy the courtesy of a nod or a smile, much less a hello.

Is this the new etiquette? Women are excused, for obvious reasons, but interestingly, the prettiest ones do say hello. Any thoughts on this? -- FRIENDLY IN BERKELEY

DEAR FRIENDLY: Maybe the less "pretty" ones are so winded they can't respond. So keep jogging and don't let it get you down.

DEAR ABBY: My 19-year-old grandson, "Fletcher," an average boy with good looks, is becoming as exhibitionist. He flaunts his body on almost every occasion. When people are around, he goes into his room and emerges minutes later without his shirt, naked to the waist, with his pants dropping down almost showing places we do not wish to see. He struts around, going from room to room, all the while his pants slipping even lower. Fletcher then usually changes into shorts, which also slide down and reveal more than the public should be viewing.

Fletcher does this whether it's hot or cold, in the house or outside. His behavior is not normal. He seems to be doing this stripping thing more and more, regardless of where he is. At our house over the holidays, he found an excuse to remove his shirt to show his abs. He's constantly exercising and working out and is always ready to pull open his shirt to show the results.

I don't know where exhibitionism at this age leads, but I'm sure the road is not a healthy trail to travel. Does all of this seem normal to you, Abby, and could you comment on it? -- CONCERNED IN BUCKS COUNTY, PA.

DEAR CONCERNED: So, here we have a good-looking young man who works out like crazy and has found that building his body brings him attention and admiration. Who can blame him for wanting to show it off?

That said, there is a time and place for everything. Tell Fletcher -- and his parents -- that when he is in your home, you would prefer that he pull his low-riding pants up and keep his shirt on because his exposure embarrasses and concerns you. (What he does in his own house is his business.)

And while you would prefer that your grandson polish other aspects of his persona, perhaps it's time to consider that this may be the most distinct achievement he's capable of. It isn't the end of the world. It has led to more than one career in show business -- and even politics.

DEAR ABBY: My brother, "Curt," is a 38-year-old rookie cop. We are all proud of his decision to go to the police academy and want him to be successful. The problem is, at every family function, Curt thinks it's funny to demonstrate the tactics he uses to make noncompliant suspects submit.

These actions are unwelcome, and they really hurt. Curt has used this type of force on me, my sister and my children, ages 6 and 8. When I ask him not to do it anymore, he laughs. He thinks it's all a big joke and seems to enjoy having this power over other family members.

It is not a joke anymore. If Curt does this again, I'm afraid I will defend myself, and then all hell will break loose. What should I do? -- NOT AMUSED IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NOT AMUSED: If your brother is doing this with his siblings and their children, can you imagine what he must be doing to someone he places under arrest? Your brother is getting a kick out of inflicting pain, even if it involves young children. In other words, he's sadistic and not very bright.

Inform your brother that if it happens again you and the family will pay a visit to the chief of police in your community and file a report. It is officers like your brother who give law enforcement a bad name.

DEAR ABBY: I disagree with your advice to "Short and Trendy in West Texas" (Nov. 17), whose husband thinks she went against him by cutting her long hair short. I, too, like my wife's hair long, and I see nothing wrong with urging her to keep it that way. Personally, I hate shaving and have suggested to my wife that I might like to grow a beard. She said, "No way," so I keep shaving.

If keeping her hair long is such a burden for "Short and Trendy," I would suggest a better alternative might be to explain to her husband how much time it takes to care for long hair (and three kids), and see if he would be willing to take on more chores so she will have time to care for longer tresses. -- BEN IN HUNTSVILLE, ALA.

DEAR BEN: Thank you for lending your male perspective. However, most of the women who responded feel that a long mane is a pain. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Judy, my wife and the love of my life for more than 37 years, still has beautiful waist-length blond hair. It's part of who she is, and I love who she is. Therefore, I brush her hair and massage her neck and shoulders every night before we go to bed.

Long hair is more work than short hair, and taking care of my wife is part of loving her, not a "fetish" of mine. Men who want their wives to keep their hair long might learn to -- and offer to -- help take care of it. -- JUDY'S LOVING HUSBAND IN KULA, HAWAII

DEAR ABBY: I had long hair when my husband and I first were married. It was his desire that I keep it long, but as time went on it became a big hassle with the daily grind. Finally I told him that if he wanted my hair long, he would be the one taking care of it. So for one week my husband got up at 5 in the morning to wash it, dry it and style it. At the end of the week he told me, "Honey, you can do whatever you want with your hair."

If men who like long hair would do what my husband did, perhaps they would understand why we want shorter cuts. -- LONG HAIR NO MORE IN COLORADO SPRINGS

DEAR ABBY: I had the same problem with my husband. My response to him was if he wanted long hair, then he should grow HIS out. He hasn't bothered me about it since. -- J.B. IN WINNSBORO, S.C.

DEAR ABBY: I have a different view of this issue. The wife cutting her hair may have triggered fear in her husband. He may regard the change to short hair as a reminder that he's aging.

I remember one friend whose husband "made" her dye her hair when she began to go gray because her gray hair made him feel old. Change in one partner may worry the other partner that there will be other changes in the relationship. -- LINDA IN MATHEWS, VA.

DEAR ABBY: I have had short hair most of my life. It's easier and suits me much better than long hair. Many men I have met have asked me if I would ever consider growing it out. And here's my response to them: "You want Rapunzel? Then you'd better start acting like Prince Charming!" -- SASSY IN SHORT CUTS

DEAR ABBY: The first five years of marriage, your husband wants you to have long hair. The second five years, your husband wants his daughter to have long hair. The next five years, he wishes HE had some hair. -- CALL ME SHORTY IN AKRON, OHIO