DEAR ABBY: My 19-year-old grandson, "Fletcher," an average boy with good looks, is becoming as exhibitionist. He flaunts his body on almost every occasion. When people are around, he goes into his room and emerges minutes later without his shirt, naked to the waist, with his pants dropping down almost showing places we do not wish to see. He struts around, going from room to room, all the while his pants slipping even lower. Fletcher then usually changes into shorts, which also slide down and reveal more than the public should be viewing.

Fletcher does this whether it's hot or cold, in the house or outside. His behavior is not normal. He seems to be doing this stripping thing more and more, regardless of where he is. At our house over the holidays, he found an excuse to remove his shirt to show his abs. He's constantly exercising and working out and is always ready to pull open his shirt to show the results.

I don't know where exhibitionism at this age leads, but I'm sure the road is not a healthy trail to travel. Does all of this seem normal to you, Abby, and could you comment on it? -- CONCERNED IN BUCKS COUNTY, PA.

DEAR CONCERNED: So, here we have a good-looking young man who works out like crazy and has found that building his body brings him attention and admiration. Who can blame him for wanting to show it off?

That said, there is a time and place for everything. Tell Fletcher -- and his parents -- that when he is in your home, you would prefer that he pull his low-riding pants up and keep his shirt on because his exposure embarrasses and concerns you. (What he does in his own house is his business.)

And while you would prefer that your grandson polish other aspects of his persona, perhaps it's time to consider that this may be the most distinct achievement he's capable of. It isn't the end of the world. It has led to more than one career in show business -- and even politics.

DEAR ABBY: My brother, "Curt," is a 38-year-old rookie cop. We are all proud of his decision to go to the police academy and want him to be successful. The problem is, at every family function, Curt thinks it's funny to demonstrate the tactics he uses to make noncompliant suspects submit.

These actions are unwelcome, and they really hurt. Curt has used this type of force on me, my sister and my children, ages 6 and 8. When I ask him not to do it anymore, he laughs. He thinks it's all a big joke and seems to enjoy having this power over other family members.

It is not a joke anymore. If Curt does this again, I'm afraid I will defend myself, and then all hell will break loose. What should I do? -- NOT AMUSED IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NOT AMUSED: If your brother is doing this with his siblings and their children, can you imagine what he must be doing to someone he places under arrest? Your brother is getting a kick out of inflicting pain, even if it involves young children. In other words, he's sadistic and not very bright.

Inform your brother that if it happens again you and the family will pay a visit to the chief of police in your community and file a report. It is officers like your brother who give law enforcement a bad name.

DEAR ABBY: I disagree with your advice to "Short and Trendy in West Texas" (Nov. 17), whose husband thinks she went against him by cutting her long hair short. I, too, like my wife's hair long, and I see nothing wrong with urging her to keep it that way. Personally, I hate shaving and have suggested to my wife that I might like to grow a beard. She said, "No way," so I keep shaving.

If keeping her hair long is such a burden for "Short and Trendy," I would suggest a better alternative might be to explain to her husband how much time it takes to care for long hair (and three kids), and see if he would be willing to take on more chores so she will have time to care for longer tresses. -- BEN IN HUNTSVILLE, ALA.

DEAR BEN: Thank you for lending your male perspective. However, most of the women who responded feel that a long mane is a pain. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Judy, my wife and the love of my life for more than 37 years, still has beautiful waist-length blond hair. It's part of who she is, and I love who she is. Therefore, I brush her hair and massage her neck and shoulders every night before we go to bed.

Long hair is more work than short hair, and taking care of my wife is part of loving her, not a "fetish" of mine. Men who want their wives to keep their hair long might learn to -- and offer to -- help take care of it. -- JUDY'S LOVING HUSBAND IN KULA, HAWAII

DEAR ABBY: I had long hair when my husband and I first were married. It was his desire that I keep it long, but as time went on it became a big hassle with the daily grind. Finally I told him that if he wanted my hair long, he would be the one taking care of it. So for one week my husband got up at 5 in the morning to wash it, dry it and style it. At the end of the week he told me, "Honey, you can do whatever you want with your hair."

If men who like long hair would do what my husband did, perhaps they would understand why we want shorter cuts. -- LONG HAIR NO MORE IN COLORADO SPRINGS

DEAR ABBY: I had the same problem with my husband. My response to him was if he wanted long hair, then he should grow HIS out. He hasn't bothered me about it since. -- J.B. IN WINNSBORO, S.C.

DEAR ABBY: I have a different view of this issue. The wife cutting her hair may have triggered fear in her husband. He may regard the change to short hair as a reminder that he's aging.

I remember one friend whose husband "made" her dye her hair when she began to go gray because her gray hair made him feel old. Change in one partner may worry the other partner that there will be other changes in the relationship. -- LINDA IN MATHEWS, VA.

DEAR ABBY: I have had short hair most of my life. It's easier and suits me much better than long hair. Many men I have met have asked me if I would ever consider growing it out. And here's my response to them: "You want Rapunzel? Then you'd better start acting like Prince Charming!" -- SASSY IN SHORT CUTS

DEAR ABBY: The first five years of marriage, your husband wants you to have long hair. The second five years, your husband wants his daughter to have long hair. The next five years, he wishes HE had some hair. -- CALL ME SHORTY IN AKRON, OHIO

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My daughter's 15-year-old friend "Willa" no longer comes over to our house. When I asked my daughter why, she said my husband told Willa she was getting fat. Willa told her mother, and her mother told her not to visit us anymore.

I confronted my husband and told him his comment was rude and that he should never have said it. My husband says I'm wrong, making a huge deal out of nothing and he did not mean anything by it. As a mother, I would not appreciate a grown man making comments about my daughter's body.

Am I wrong to think my husband's remark is a form of sexual harassment, even though it was not in the workplace? -- UPSET MOM IN BELLFLOWER

DEAR UPSET MOM: I wouldn't classify your husband's unfortunate remark as sexual harassment. I would, however, call it extremely insensitive and inappropriate. It cost your daughter a girlfriend, so to her it IS a big deal. I'm sure your husband would have been similarly hurt and offended had Willa remarked to him that he is getting a paunch or losing his hair. Suggest it to him, and maybe then he'll get it.

DEAR ABBY: A few weeks ago, my husband and I decided to clean out our garage. Stored on a top shelf was the box containing my wedding dress. As I pulled it down, I wondered what it looked like after 21 years. After our wedding night I had sent it to the cleaners to be dry-cleaned and boxed. It was returned to me with a gold seal across the opening.

I decided to break the seal and check the condition of the dress, hoping no moths had gotten to it. When I opened the box, there was no wedding dress inside. My husband asked if I had let someone borrow it. "No," I replied, "the box has been sealed all this time."

Then it dawned on me that my dress had never been returned from the cleaners. I never thought to check inside the box when I got it back. Please pass this on as a warning to future and current brides to check their wedding boxes! -- DUPED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DUPED: What happened was truly unfortunate, and I am pleased to spread the word. It's far too late to find out if your dress was lost or stolen, but checking the box makes sense -- if only to make sure the dress inside is the one that was sent to the cleaners. Better to be safe than sorry.

DEAR ABBY: I want to propose to my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years. We're both in our 30s. My problem is, I don't know what to present to him (like an engagement ring) when I do.

Have you any ideas? Is it strange for a woman to propose to a man? -- DOING IT BACKWARD, BUTLER, PA.

DEAR DOING IT BACKWARD: It isn't strange at all. Women have been proposing to men ever since romantic love entered the picture.

There is no rule that a man must present anything to his intended at the time he proposes, and neither should you. If your boyfriend says yes, the two of you can discuss what he might like to have as an engagement gift at the time you both select a ring for you.