DEAR ABBY: I disagree with your advice to "Short and Trendy in West Texas" (Nov. 17), whose husband thinks she went against him by cutting her long hair short. I, too, like my wife's hair long, and I see nothing wrong with urging her to keep it that way. Personally, I hate shaving and have suggested to my wife that I might like to grow a beard. She said, "No way," so I keep shaving.

If keeping her hair long is such a burden for "Short and Trendy," I would suggest a better alternative might be to explain to her husband how much time it takes to care for long hair (and three kids), and see if he would be willing to take on more chores so she will have time to care for longer tresses. -- BEN IN HUNTSVILLE, ALA.

DEAR BEN: Thank you for lending your male perspective. However, most of the women who responded feel that a long mane is a pain. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Judy, my wife and the love of my life for more than 37 years, still has beautiful waist-length blond hair. It's part of who she is, and I love who she is. Therefore, I brush her hair and massage her neck and shoulders every night before we go to bed.

Long hair is more work than short hair, and taking care of my wife is part of loving her, not a "fetish" of mine. Men who want their wives to keep their hair long might learn to -- and offer to -- help take care of it. -- JUDY'S LOVING HUSBAND IN KULA, HAWAII

DEAR ABBY: I had long hair when my husband and I first were married. It was his desire that I keep it long, but as time went on it became a big hassle with the daily grind. Finally I told him that if he wanted my hair long, he would be the one taking care of it. So for one week my husband got up at 5 in the morning to wash it, dry it and style it. At the end of the week he told me, "Honey, you can do whatever you want with your hair."

If men who like long hair would do what my husband did, perhaps they would understand why we want shorter cuts. -- LONG HAIR NO MORE IN COLORADO SPRINGS

DEAR ABBY: I had the same problem with my husband. My response to him was if he wanted long hair, then he should grow HIS out. He hasn't bothered me about it since. -- J.B. IN WINNSBORO, S.C.

DEAR ABBY: I have a different view of this issue. The wife cutting her hair may have triggered fear in her husband. He may regard the change to short hair as a reminder that he's aging.

I remember one friend whose husband "made" her dye her hair when she began to go gray because her gray hair made him feel old. Change in one partner may worry the other partner that there will be other changes in the relationship. -- LINDA IN MATHEWS, VA.

DEAR ABBY: I have had short hair most of my life. It's easier and suits me much better than long hair. Many men I have met have asked me if I would ever consider growing it out. And here's my response to them: "You want Rapunzel? Then you'd better start acting like Prince Charming!" -- SASSY IN SHORT CUTS

DEAR ABBY: The first five years of marriage, your husband wants you to have long hair. The second five years, your husband wants his daughter to have long hair. The next five years, he wishes HE had some hair. -- CALL ME SHORTY IN AKRON, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: My daughter's 15-year-old friend "Willa" no longer comes over to our house. When I asked my daughter why, she said my husband told Willa she was getting fat. Willa told her mother, and her mother told her not to visit us anymore.

I confronted my husband and told him his comment was rude and that he should never have said it. My husband says I'm wrong, making a huge deal out of nothing and he did not mean anything by it. As a mother, I would not appreciate a grown man making comments about my daughter's body.

Am I wrong to think my husband's remark is a form of sexual harassment, even though it was not in the workplace? -- UPSET MOM IN BELLFLOWER

DEAR UPSET MOM: I wouldn't classify your husband's unfortunate remark as sexual harassment. I would, however, call it extremely insensitive and inappropriate. It cost your daughter a girlfriend, so to her it IS a big deal. I'm sure your husband would have been similarly hurt and offended had Willa remarked to him that he is getting a paunch or losing his hair. Suggest it to him, and maybe then he'll get it.

DEAR ABBY: A few weeks ago, my husband and I decided to clean out our garage. Stored on a top shelf was the box containing my wedding dress. As I pulled it down, I wondered what it looked like after 21 years. After our wedding night I had sent it to the cleaners to be dry-cleaned and boxed. It was returned to me with a gold seal across the opening.

I decided to break the seal and check the condition of the dress, hoping no moths had gotten to it. When I opened the box, there was no wedding dress inside. My husband asked if I had let someone borrow it. "No," I replied, "the box has been sealed all this time."

Then it dawned on me that my dress had never been returned from the cleaners. I never thought to check inside the box when I got it back. Please pass this on as a warning to future and current brides to check their wedding boxes! -- DUPED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DUPED: What happened was truly unfortunate, and I am pleased to spread the word. It's far too late to find out if your dress was lost or stolen, but checking the box makes sense -- if only to make sure the dress inside is the one that was sent to the cleaners. Better to be safe than sorry.

DEAR ABBY: I want to propose to my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years. We're both in our 30s. My problem is, I don't know what to present to him (like an engagement ring) when I do.

Have you any ideas? Is it strange for a woman to propose to a man? -- DOING IT BACKWARD, BUTLER, PA.

DEAR DOING IT BACKWARD: It isn't strange at all. Women have been proposing to men ever since romantic love entered the picture.

There is no rule that a man must present anything to his intended at the time he proposes, and neither should you. If your boyfriend says yes, the two of you can discuss what he might like to have as an engagement gift at the time you both select a ring for you.

DEAR ABBY: Last year, my elderly father fell, suffering a head injury that caused his death. Dad had a chronic illness that kept him housebound during the last year of his life.

Prior to his death, my mother began corresponding with, and inviting, an old high school boyfriend to visit. (He lived six hours away.) This man, "Milton," moved in with Mother while my father was still alive.

Mom has been with Milton ever since, first at her home and now at his winter home down south. My siblings and I are aghast at her behavior. She phones and sends cheery e-mails as if she were on an extended holiday and having the time of her life. Meanwhile, we are still mourning our father's loss.

We have tried to share our feelings with her, but she refuses to acknowledge them. She says she "understands," but we don't think she does. Otherwise, why would she move away from her children at this sad time? -- LOST OUR MOTHER, TOO

DEAR LOST: Your mother may have done it because she went through much of the grieving process long before your father actually passed away. She does understand your feelings, but in an emotional -- and now physical -- sense she has moved on. I don't know the circumstances of your parents' marriage, but if she made your father happy while he was alive, then try to be happy for her now.

DEAR ABBY: I am only 24, but consider myself an old-fashioned parent. My wife and I have three daughters who are the center of our lives. Everywhere we go, we are complimented on how well-behaved our children are. When asked for our "secret," we tell the truth -- we use the belt to keep our children in line. When I was a child, my mom did the same with me, and I know it's more help than harm.

The problem is, as soon as people hear it they assume we simply beat our kids into submission. How can I help people understand that discipline and abuse are two different things? -- JOHN IN SAVANNAH

DEAR JOHN: Abuse and discipline ARE two different things. Abuse is punishment. Discipline teaches -- and helps a child to eventually become self-disciplined. Using a belt on your little girls shows them that violence is acceptable -- and that they can expect it from you, just as you learned it was acceptable from your parents.

There are more effective ways to communicate with children than by hitting them with belts. Grounding them, taking away toys, cell phone and television privileges are effective, nonviolent and preferable means of letting a child know that certain behaviors are unacceptable.

DEAR ABBY: Whenever my husband, "Jim," and I are talking to friends or family and they ask me a question, Jim always answers "for" me. If I am talking with one of my girlfriends, he will jump right in before I have finished my sentence. He does this all the time. I have told him I don't like it, but he won't stop. What can I do to shut him up? -- TRYING TO BE HEARD IN OHIO

DEAR TRYING TO BE HEARD: Obviously, your husband feels that what he has to say is more important than what you have to offer. Because you have told him that it bothers you and have been ignored, enlist the help of friends and family in a team effort. When it happens again, they should immediately respond, "No, Jim. I asked your WIFE that question. Wait your turn." Hearing it may shock him into silence, but he needs it because he has an obnoxious habit.