DEAR ABBY: My daughter and future son-in-law are being married this summer. They are both vegans, and are planning a vegan dinner for their reception. I thought it was a very cool way of showing what different types of vegan dishes could be planned, but I'm getting grief from my husband. He thinks it is "selfish" of them not to offer a meat dish. I couldn't disagree more.

I told him I think they are right, but that I'd write to you and ask your opinion. It will have no effect on their reception, but I'd like to quiet things down on the home front. -- FUTURE MOTHER-IN-LAW

DEAR FUTURE M-I-L: This will be your daughter's day, not your husband's. I'm sure the food they offer will be not only delicious, but also sufficient to satisfy the guests, who may not even realize they aren't being offered meat.

If your husband is concerned about what will be served, he should eat before going to the wedding. Please tell him I said so, and let him chew on that.

DEAR ABBY: I am 15 and really like three boys. I enjoy being with each of them because they are all great guys. The problem is, each one believes that I like just him and has no idea about the others. I don't want to break any of their hearts because they have all told me they like me.

I also don't want to be thought of as a player or anyone saying I'm using them because I really do have feelings for each of them. Any advice? -- LOVES BOYS IN UTAH

DEAR LOVES BOYS: Where did each of those boys get the impression that you liked "only him"? My advice is to set the record straight now, before you DO get a reputation. Just say, "I think you're great, but I'm not ready for an exclusive relationship with anyone right now." It may not be music to their ears, but it's honest.

DEAR ABBY: I will graduate from college in June, and I plan to move back in with my parents. I have a steady job and can afford an apartment if I want, but I'd rather live with my parents because we have always had a close relationship. When I told a few friends my plans, they laughed at me.

Abby, I love my parents and have no problem living with them instead of living alone. What do I say to the "friends" who think I'm silly and stupid? -- DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL IN WISCONSIN

DEAR DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL: Had you signed your letter with any other name than the one you did, I'd have advised you to tell your friends to mind their own business.

However, because this is the way you identified yourself, allow me to comment. Have you discussed your plans with your parents, and will they welcome you living with them indefinitely? Because you are an adult and self-supporting, will you be contributing financially to the household? Will you have a curfew?

An important part of growing up is leaving the nest and flying solo for a while. My concern is that by living at home and clinging to the role of "Daddy's Little Girl," you won't be able to fully mature as an individual.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: Today we celebrate the life of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. -- the great American civil rights leader, martyred in 1968, who dedicated his life to furthering equal rights for all Americans.

When Dr. King was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1964, he said: "Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love."

With bloodshed and violence still such destructive forces in this world, there is much to be learned from his insight, his wisdom and his example. -- ABBY

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine and his wife divorced several years ago. When their son turned 18, he changed his name to his mother's maiden name. I personally think it's a slap in the father's face. Have you heard of this before, and don't you think it's mean? -- CURIOUS IN OHIO

DEAR CURIOUS: I have heard of it in the case of a child who, for whatever reason, has become alienated from his or her parent. Is it mean? It certainly isn't a compliment, because it indicates the child does not want to be identified with the father, nor to be reminded that the man ever existed. Before you judge the young man, you should remember that there is always a reason.

DEAR ABBY: "Weary Elves in Tennessee" asked you whether a Christmas tree should be taken down before or after the New Year.

Christmas trees are a matter of personal taste and were not part of the Christian practice until fairly recently in our history. The Christmas feast itself lasts for 12 days, until Twelfth Night, Jan. 5, the eve of the Feast of the Epiphany, which falls on Jan. 6, a more ancient feast than Christmas. (Many of your readers may have grown up in households where gifts were exchanged on Jan. 6, recalling the gifts of the Magi.)

Lately, more and more Christians are trying to keep the season of Advent: the four weeks preceding the feast of Christmas. If one wants to honor the quiet anticipation of Advent, a simple wreath or an undecorated tree makes a wonderful December home addition. The household can gradually adorn the tree in the last week before Christmas.

On Christmas Eve, when darkness falls, the tree is lit for the first time. It is lit every night through Epiphany, which is also called the Feast of Lights. Jan. 7 might be a good time to take down the tree, though many Christians wait until the following Sunday evening (an extension of the Epiphany feast), or on or about the 20th day after Christmas.

As Episcopalian Christians, we usually strive for "via media" -- the middle way -- avoiding extremes. I would go for the 12 days of Christmas, a solid and rich historical and spiritual tradition of celebrating the feast. But as a former volunteer fireman, I loved your advice to "Weary Elves," Abby. By all means, DO take the tree down when the needles are overly dry and get it to the recycling lot. -- THE REV. MARK STANGER, CANON PRECENTOR, GRACE CATHEDRAL, SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR FR. STANGER: Thank you for chiming in on this one. In this case, the "epiphany" was mine.

DEAR ABBY: I have been involved in several weddings, and something has come up we hope you can help with. Often with wedding gifts, the card becomes separated from the gift, or in the case of online retailers, they forget to enclose the sender's information in the box. How does one go about thanking people for their generous gift if you're not sure who the sender is?

What is the solution, short of calling and telling people you didn't receive something from them and asking, "What did you get us?" -- C.P. IN VAN NUYS

DEAR C.P.: To prevent cards from being separated from the wedding gifts when they arrive, they should immediately be placed inside the gift box -- and what the item is should be written on the guest list. (The date it was received would also be helpful.)

If something arrives without a card, contact the store it came from, the online vendor who sent it or the company that delivered it. If they can't provide that information, then check your master list to see whose name has a blank next to it and call the person. Sometimes packages have been known to "fall off the truck," and this is a safeguard against theft.

DEAR ABBY: Last spring I suffered a stroke. Living alone, and with my family living 2,000 miles away, I became depressed. My daughter suggested that I get a pet. I discussed it with my doctor and he agreed.

I adopted an adult dog from the Humane Society, and it has been one of the best decisions I have ever made. We walk every day, my depression is beginning to wane, and I have met my neighbors.

Please encourage your readers to adopt from their local shelter. Not only will they be saving the life of an animal, but he may also wind up saving theirs. -- JAN AND KARMA IN BARSTOW, CALIF.

DEAR JAN AND KARMA: It's a well-known fact that a pet can add quality to its owner's life not only by reducing stress, but also because responsible pet ownership requires establishing a regular routine that includes a healthy dose of exercise. I'm pleased to print your letter, for exactly the reason you mentioned, for anyone who could benefit from a dose of unconditional love.

DEAR ABBY: My spouse and I have a conflict and need an objective opinion, please.

I sit in one room to read and watch TV while "John Dear" reads in another room. The phone sits right next to his chair. The phone where I sit is across the room from my recliner. John Dear says that because I get more phone calls than he does, I should always answer the phone. I say he should since it's just 6 inches away from his reach, and if it's for me, all he has to do is yell and I'll get up. Both rooms are small, and I have no trouble hearing him.

What do you think? -- DISAGREEING IN KOKOMO

DEAR DISAGREEING: Because most of the phone calls are for you, you'd be spared a lot of arguments if you'd invest in a portable phone for your room. That way the phone will be right next to you, and your husband won't be interrupted while he's trying to read. (Then you can yell at HIM if the caller asks for him.)