DEAR ABBY: Ever since our baby girl arrived eight months ago, my husband and I have been inundated with baby gifts. Our daughter is the only grandchild on both sides of the family. My husband's parents and mine are divorced and remarried, so there are eight grandparents doting on our daughter. Consequently, we have received multiples of every baby item you can imagine.

Because we live in a small apartment with few closets, there is nowhere to put all these things. We have donated several boxes of clothes and toys to the local shelter. My parents become upset if they visit and we can't produce every single item they sent us. They want us to get rid of other people's gifts and keep only theirs. I don't like the tension this is causing.

Are we obligated to keep these gifts, Abby? Isn't there a way to encourage people to be more restrained in their giving? -- TIRED MOM IN THE CITY

DEAR MOM: There is, but it will require you and your husband to become proactive. Tell your parents that you do not have enough room to accommodate their generosity and request that they limit themselves to one gift per couple. To avoid duplication, ask them to coordinate with each other when buying gifts for their grandchild.

As to your parents, explain that you love them, but once a gift is given it is the recipient's to do with as she wishes (right now, that's you). And explain that if you give everyone else's gifts away and not some of theirs, the others will be offended -- so it's not gonna happen. Period.

DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old daughter, "Miranda," and I have always been close. We have talked about sex and about how it's always better to tell the truth. We have been open about things since Miranda was old enough to understand -- until now.

Miranda has been going with "Josh" for about a year. His mother found some very graphic sexual messages on his cell phone. When we confronted them, they swore they would not do anything and would wait until they're married. I even discussed birth control with Miranda and planned on getting her an appointment.

Well, I may have been too late. I found a letter to her from Josh. Some of the things he wrote were pornographic -- and they were things he said he wanted to do again! They are playing some of these games at school during breaks and in classrooms where they sit at tables.

I am not sure how to handle this. My husband would never understand. I'm torn about confronting her and the school for not properly supervising these kids. Please help me make the right choice. -- TORN UP IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR TORN UP: Gladly. You are not giving your husband enough credit. He should be told immediately. He will understand only too well that your daughter and her boyfriend have been playing you like a fiddle.

The problem isn't lack of supervision at school. It is that Miranda has been lying to you and spends too much time with her boyfriend.

Your daughter should have far less free time on her hands and also have access to birth control and the knowledge of how to use it. Insist that she become involved in organized activities outside of school, including volunteer work. Right now, your daughter needs guidance and supervision, so please don't let her down.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman with alopecia (hair loss) who has gotten to the point where I now wear a hair-enhancement system that clips onto my real hair to stay in place. I am happy with it. My anxiety over the problem is gone.

However, the clips are metal, and now I'm wondering if I can ever fly on a plane again. I have seen little old ladies with hip replacements stopped by screeners. I know I would set off the alarm at the checkpoint.

Is there anything I can do to avoid this humiliation? Is there any provision for this sort of problem, or is it at the discretion of the airport security? -- ANONYMOUS IN TEXAS

DEAR ANONYMOUS: According to Greg Soule, the public affairs spokesman for the Transportation Security Administration, even if the clips are small, they may set off the metal detector when you go through security. However, private screenings are available to anyone who requests them.

You should talk to a security officer in front of the checkpoint and ask to be screened privately. You will be taken from the public view and checked with a hand wand, among other screening techniques. If the clips are detected, a "pat down" and a visual inspection may have to be done to resolve the alarm.

You can bring a note from your physician explaining your condition, if having one helps your peace of mind. But they are not universally accepted because of concerns about fraudulent documents.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Alexa," and her boyfriend, "Ryan," were on vacation and went gambling. Ryan bet $400 at a craps table, handed Alexa the dice and told her to throw. She threw the whole night for him and won $2,500.

After they finished playing, Ryan put all the proceeds in his pocket. I thought it was unfair. Alexa says it's no big deal. I understand that the $400 was his, but she won $2,100 for him.

What's your opinion? Isn't this a red flag not to invest any more time in this relationship? -- NOT BETTING ON THIS ONE

DEAR NOT BETTING: If Ryan's basic nature was generous, he would have split the winnings 50-50. I agree your daughter would have a happier life with someone whose interests are less selfish and more generous. However, if she isn't ready to end the relationship, advise her to have an arrangement with Ryan in advance the next time they go gambling so she'll get more out of the game than carpal tunnel syndrome.

DEAR ABBY: I'm turning 40 this year, and I'm planning on throwing myself a party. Some people, including friends and people I have contacted to hire (a DJ, caterer, etc.), have told me they think it's strange that I am throwing a party for myself.

I'm not married or involved with anyone, and I really want to do this for myself. What are your thoughts? Is it OK to give yourself a party, or is it weird? -- PLANNING FOR THE BIG 4-0

DEAR PLANNING: There is nothing unusual about people throwing parties for themselves to celebrate special occasions. I don't know where the DJ, caterer, etc., got the idea that it's weird. In fact, it's a foolproof way to guarantee that you have exactly the kind of party you want. So, go for it -- and don't let anyone hold you back.

DEAR ABBY: I am a physician and mother of a toddler who understands "New Mom in Las Vegas" (Nov. 4), the woman who is concerned because she finds playing with her 8-month-old tedious. While postpartum depression should be ruled out, it is not uncommon for an adult woman to be bored by endless hours of playing with blocks and rattles.

Raising a child is the most rewarding, loving and, yes, sometimes boring job a person can take on. Suggesting that women are good mothers only if they are constantly enthralled with children's activities sets them up for feelings of failure and inadequacy.

Getting out of the house for any activity, such as a walk or a trip to the library or store, helps relieve the tedium. Most experts urge new mothers to take personal time away from their children as a way to maintain their sense of individuality and perspective. If reading or going online recharges "Mom," it should not be considered an unhealthy escape.

A final word: The new dad should help his partner feel appreciated and practice his own parenting skills by giving her a break from child care. -- HAPPY MOM IN CHESTER, VT.

DEAR HAPPY MOM: Thank you for mentioning that fathers are an important part of the equation. "New Mom," and others like her, will appreciate your letter of support. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Every mother is different. Some of us were meant to be stay-at-home moms, others need the challenge of a career and the company of other adults. This doesn't make someone a bad mom.

Perhaps "New Mom" should consider returning to her career earlier than she had planned. Although being a working mom is a tough balancing act, it may provide her with what she needs as both a mother and as a woman. -- NEW MOM WITH A PLAN

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 75-year-old mom of four boys, all born 18 months apart. I was bored silly playing with babies, but found a way to make it work for me. I would pack up my babies and walk outside in the morning and after nap time. We walked for miles observing nature while I got some much-needed exercise. I had the healthiest babies in town and looked pretty good myself! I can't remember "playing" with my boys, but we all have fond memories of hours at the park, walking in the rain and snack time at the convenience store. -- OLD MOM IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of two nearly grown girls. I never felt it was my responsibility to be their playmate. When they were babies and toddlers, they played while I pursued my interests, hobbies and chores. While I sewed, they played with fabric and ribbons. While I cooked, they played at my feet with pots, pans and spoons. While I did yard work, they played in the sandbox.

It's important for our children to see us as individuals who are more than "their" parents. Finding a playgroup is always a good idea. Seeking therapy may be necessary, too. Completely abandoning the person you were before becoming a parent is unhealthy for both parent and child. -- MARGIE IN ROCHESTER, N.Y.

DEAR ABBY: I enjoyed caring for my children, but there were times when I thought if I had to drive one more toy car across the carpet making car noises with my mouth, I would literally fling myself out the window. I woke up with the Barney theme song in my head and couldn't stop cutting all food into bite-size pieces. How many games of peek-a-boo can you play before you wonder if the liquor store delivers? No one prepares you for this type of job.

Things will change as her child gets older, and she can benefit from the support of other moms if she finds a playgroup. Please tell her not to feel guilty! -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT (WITHOUT ALCOHOL)

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)