DEAR ABBY: You're in a position to do young people a great service by educating a generation that has grown up in a casual-dress world that there's a line between how one dresses in one's personal life and how one dresses for work. Cross it, and it could negatively affect your career.

I work for a large multinational company, and I am often shocked at the way people dress. Although there are clear business/casual guidelines, these lines are crossed by men and women alike. Talks behind closed doors have no effect. Sending out the corporate dress code to the staff has yielded no change in behavior.

I finally consulted the HR department and came up with an approved solution. The dress code was again sent out to all employees in my department, with the warning that the next violation would mean being sent home and deducting the time as a vacation day.

Sure enough, "Disco Dolly" showed up in a sheer, low-cut, sleeveless blouse with a micro-mini skirt and strappy sandals. When I sent her home, she complained that she was saving her vacation days. I told her she had violated the company's dress code -- again.

I also pointed out that her chances of promotion were now compromised thanks to the demonstration she had given that following simple instructions was beyond her capabilities. If you want to be regarded as a serious professional, dress like one! Some "suggestions":

1. DRESS FOR SUCCESS, not sex. Women should not dress like streetwalkers. Leave the sexy, short, filmy dresses, cleavage-baring blouses and spaghetti straps for your personal life. This is an office, not a cocktail party.

2. COVER UP. No sandals or designer flip-flops. We don't want to see your pedicure, your toe rings, the crust on your heels, or smell your feet.

3. MAKE IT FIT. Anything that hugs the body too tightly is not right for the office. We have a woman working here who looks like a sausage stuffed in a floral polyester casing. It's hard to take her seriously. The same goes for a man whose pants are so tight that you can tell his religion. Ditto for pants that are so loose and low-slung you can see his underwear or her thong.

4. DON'T POLLUTE. By this I mean go easy on the fragrance. Some people have breathing problems and allergies. Do not pollute the office with a scent that arrives 10 minutes before you do and lingers hours after you've gone. This applies to men as well as women.

5. BATHE. There seems to be a new "natural" cult popping up whose adherents believe that washing removes vital oils from the skin and should be avoided. This phenomenon is more often, but not always, a male habit. Anyone in close contact with others should bathe or shower DAILY. -- TRYING TO RUN A BUSINESS IN FLORIDA

DEAR TRYING: I'm willing to wager that your letter will be posted on millions of bulletin boards in the business world. Your "suggestions" make good sense. While many companies allow employees to dress down on "casual Fridays," any business that wants the people it hires to be taken seriously should impress upon them that they must present themselves in a professional manner. Some companies do this in the form of an employee manual that lays it out in black and white. Because your directive was ignored, you were right to let "Disco Dolly" know there would be a penalty for noncompliance.

DEAR ABBY: After many years of being single, I met a woman I'll call "Trish" on a blind date. We're both in our late 40s, and we hit it off. We have many things in common.

One night I was at her place when she received a phone call. Trish made it short and sweet and hung up. A few minutes later, I asked who it was, and she told me it was her boss. Abby, I know how she answers the phone when it's her boss -- and it wasn't him. When I said, "That was NOT your boss," she admitted it was one of her boss's clients, but said nothing was going on between them.

When I first met Trish, she mentioned that a client had come in one day, had wine and cheese, then leaned over and kissed her. It's the same guy that called -- and he's married.

I am very hurt. We have both been cheated on. I don't think she has cheated, but she lied to my face. My first instinct is to dump her, but I love her. What should I do? -- HURT IN VERMONT

DEAR HURT: Are you and Trish in a committed relationship? If not, you had no right to question her about who was calling.

That said, a person who would lie to you once would lie to you twice. Listen to your gut. She may not be having a physical affair, but something is going on or she wouldn't have tried to mislead you about who was on the phone.

DEAR ABBY: Ever since I was a child, when my mother gave me a gift, as I opened it she would always say that she had bought a bigger, better or prettier gift for me -- but liked it so much she decided to keep it for herself.

Once she told me that she had purchased a jacket for me, but kept it even though she is several sizes smaller than I am. After wearing it a few times, she offered it to me because it was "too big for her."

My mother was the oldest of six children, and I am her only child. Why do you think she behaves as she does? -- WOUNDED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WOUNDED: That your mother feels the need on every special occasion to tell you that she comes first indicates that something within herself is missing. As the oldest of six children, was her childhood deprived in some way? Is this her only eccentricity, and is she an ideal mother the rest of the year? I find it sad that your mother is unable to give with a generous heart. If she's this way with a gift, it follows that she must be this way about other things, too.

DEAR ABBY: The other night, some friends and I were visiting and telling stories. In one story, I used the word "sneaked," and everyone corrected my grammar saying that "snuck" is the correct form and "sneaked" is not a word. I disagree.

I hear people use the word "snuck," but I don't think "snuck" is a word. Who is right? -- SECOND-GUESSING MYSELF IN MINNESOTA

DEAR SECOND-GUESSING: "Sneaked" and "snuck" are both words, according to Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, 10th Edition. "Sneaked," however, is more generally accepted among fussy grammarians like me.

DEAR ABBY: Is it proper for a married woman to go out to eat alone when her husband refuses to take her? -- SOLO IN SHERMAN, TEXAS

DEAR SOLO: Absolutely, if she can afford to pay for it and there is enough pet food in the doghouse.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I attended the wedding of two dear friends. The groom's mother, "Millie," made party favors for all the guests -- little gift bags containing sugar-coated almonds and, because the bride and groom are animal lovers, a small glass animal. A few days later, a friend brought her teenage daughter to our home. The daughter admired the two glass animals, so I gave them to her.

I was shocked when, the following weekend, Millie called and asked me to return them. She said she planned to take them back because she would prefer to use the money to buy the couple something they could use. Feeling guilty for "regifting," I responded with the first thing that popped into my head, that I hoped I hadn't "misplaced" them. Millie said she hoped not, too -- they had cost $35 apiece, and she would expect us to reimburse her! Further, we should not mention it to the "happy couple" because of the embarrassment it would cause.

I asked the bride's sister where Millie might have bought the glass figurines under the guise of wanting to get some as gifts for my grad students. I was stunned when she responded that she had purchased an entire case of these inexpensive animals as wedding favors, and that I was welcome to them if I wanted to pick them up from her home.

I'm unclear what motivated Millie to ask for the animals to be returned, or why she would inflate the price and expect to be reimbursed. I understand there was an unpleasant power struggle over the wedding arrangements, but I'm not sure what she hopes to gain from this.

How should this be handled? My husband says I should tell Millie the truth, that we gave them away and we know they cost only 80 cents apiece. What do you say? -- STYMIED IN MARYLAND

DEAR STYMIED: I say Millie is dishonest, and Millie is manipulative, but she's right about one thing: It would create embarrassment if you told the bride and groom what she's been up to.

You were off the hook the minute the bride's sister told you she had a case of the little glass animals. Swing by, pick up a couple and give them to Millie. She's as transparent as they are, and her story about returning them to buy anything for the happy couple is another fabrication.

DEAR ABBY: I have the classic evil stepmom -- except she is my mother, and it's my stepsisters that she mistreats. They are 8 and 6 and have suffered enough through their mother's divorce.

My mother treats them as if they are less than human and don't have the right to be in "her" house. I feel terrible about the way she treats them. I want to do something about it, but I can't say anything to her because that would be disrespectful. Please advise. -- SILENT WITNESS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SILENT WITNESS: Your mother's behavior is despicable. She knew the girls were part of the package deal when she married their father, and she has no right to abuse them.

Because you feel that talking to your mother would be disrespectful, I urge you to tell the girls' father chapter-and-verse about what's happening to his daughters. No law says your mother has to love them, but at the very least, she should treat them with courtesy and respect.