DEAR ABBY: I had trouble containing myself when I read the letter from "Mixed-Up in Missouri" (Sept. 21), the "nice guy" with a string of failed relationships because he is "too good to be true." Please let him know that he is truly a gem waiting to be discovered. He reminds me of my own "prince," whom I was finally able to find after a divorce, countless frogs, and 30 years of figuring out what I deserved.

Some women are scared of anything that is different, so when a man treats them well they question it to death. Believe me, I know. My husband and I married five weeks after we met because it just felt right. After 2 1/2 years of marriage, one son and another on the way, I have no regrets. My husband is the kind every woman should have. I would tell "Mixed-Up" that his time will come. Someone will cherish what he has to offer. -- HAPPILY EVER AFTER IN TEXAS

DEAR HAPPILY: Thank you for sharing your hard-earned experience with my readers and me. I am pleased your marriage is working out, but I would not recommend that couples marry after knowing each other only five weeks. I advised "Mixed-Up" to widen his circle of acquaintances and fish in a different dating pool. Many readers wrote in to comment about his letter. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Mixed-Up in Missouri" said he treated his wife and girlfriends like queens. Perhaps he wasn't telling you everything. I married a man who treated me like a queen too -- until I did or said something he didn't like. You see, everything he did for me came with a price.

Yes, he did nice things for me, but he also expected me to reciprocate in specific ways that he never really explained. If I failed to do something the way he wanted, or with the "wrong" attitude, he would throw it in my face. He did not act out of kindness, but for what he could get in return. He never understood why I eventually quit trying to please him, and "got rid" of me after 14 years of marriage. It turned out to be the biggest favor he ever did for me. -- GLAD TO BE FREE IN INDIANA

DEAR ABBY: I dated many of these "too good to be true" guys. I cannot stress to you how boring it is to "reign supreme" in a relationship with someone who wants only to do what I want to do, go where I want to go, eat what I want to eat, etc. Even the flowers and gifts don't make up for it.

Women don't want gifts -- we want a man, a partner. In a real relationship I want to work as a team, experience new things and hear new perspectives. It's time for "Mixed-Up" to take a look at what he is actually bringing to the table -- or what he's not. -- TRACY IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ABBY: I have no desire to be elevated to the status of royalty. What I'm looking for is someone who shares some of my interests, respects my strengths and can help me improve upon my weaknesses -- someone who functions just as well on his own as I do.

"Mixed-Up" is young yet -- probably too young to have gotten married. He needs to start looking at women as partners and not pedestal perchers. I'm sure some women are swept away by his courtship technique initially, but after a while, pedestals become cold and lonely. Women who are damaged or bitter will be distrustful. And secure, well-adjusted women will simply not be interested. -- NOBODY'S QUEEN IN N.J.

DEAR ABBY: There's a saying about men who treat women like princesses. If you worship the ground she walks on, the ground she walks on will be YOU. -- NORM IN HUNTINGTON BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I work 5 1/2 days a week (46 hours) with no benefits. I can't afford to miss a day because, on the rare occasion that I must, I don't get paid.

My wife, "Kelly," misses work frequently because she is "sick," "tired," etc. She is in the same boat as I am -- no work, no pay. Kelly knows how tight finances are and how much I hate having to work almost six days with no time off. But she still misses work and treats it like it's no big deal. She says she understands our situation.

I would like to go back to school and get my degree, but I'm afraid to rely on Kelly to pay the bills while I'm in school. I am so frustrated with my wife because of her work ethic that I feel like exploding and screaming at her. How should I handle this situation? -- HARD-WORKING TEXAN

DEAR HARD-WORKING: In the difficult economic environment we're experiencing, many companies are taking a hard look at their expenses and scaling back. Among the ways they are doing this is by laying off employees. Your wife is playing "chicken" with her job. It should not be necessary to scream at her -- just remind her what a fix you will both be in if she should become unemployed.

It might be wise for you to postpone furthering your education until the economy -- and your finances -- are more stable.

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 and in seventh grade. I sit with a group of nice people at lunch, except for one. "Grady" insults us, cries, yells at us for minor things, and has come right out and said he sits with us only because he likes to annoy us. Once, he started crying on purpose so we would feel bad and sit with him.

We have tried moving to a different table, ignoring him and being unpleasant so he wouldn't want to sit with us. Most of us have known Grady all through grade school, and we have had enough of his crying and yelling at us for no reason. We just want our space. Do you have any suggestions on how to get Grady to leave us alone? Most of us have classes with him, so avoiding him is not an option. -- WANTS SOME QUIET TIME

DEAR WANTS: Grady may be immature for his age, or he may have emotional problems. If you haven't already done so, bring his behavior to the attention of a teacher or a counselor at school. You have described a child who has serious difficulty fitting in, but with counseling from an adult he may be able to adopt more appropriate behavior.

DEAR ABBY: My mother passed away 26 years ago. After her funeral, I gave her diamond engagement ring to my daughter, "Emma." Since then Emma has had two husbands and two more diamond rings, plus several others with various gemstones to match outfits. As far as I know, she has never worn my mother's ring.

I would like to spend my last years honoring my mother by wearing her ring. I am now 82. It would, of course, be returned to Emma when I die. Would it be all right to ask for that privilege? -- SENTIMENTAL IN COLUMBIA, S.C.

DEAR SENTIMENTAL: Of course it would be all right to ask. However, bear in mind that when you gave your daughter your mother's ring, it became hers to do with as she wished. Her response to your query will tell you volumes about the daughter you raised.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: Allow me to wish all of you a happy Festival of Lights!

DEAR ABBY: I am happily married, but all my life I have yearned for a close and sisterly relationship with my mother and my sisters. We are very different people, but a kind and understanding female relative is what I have always wished for.

They send me unsolicited advice, including articles about physical and mental health, diet pills and clippings on finances, etc., but we don't seem to be able to sustain good conversation, with listening or encouragement. I sometimes think people get so wrapped up in trying to "fix" others that they don't see the true beauty that lies within.

I have expressed my feelings to them about wishing we could be closer, but was told that sisterly affection is a "myth." Unfortunately, I don't fit in with my husband's family, either. Family issues seem to be the recurring theme of my life. It's depressing.

I work full-time, do charity work and have good friends outside my family, but I still long for a closer relationship with my family. Is there a way to let go of old dreams and wishes? With the holidays here, I have difficulty getting through this time without a bad case of the blues. -- MISSING SOMETHING IN MINNESOTA

DEAR MISSING SOMETHING: Forgive me if my response has a "bah, humbug" tone, but has it ever occurred to you that your mother and sisters may be incapable of being the kind of idealized family that you would like to have? If they didn't care about you, they wouldn't send you unsolicited advice, articles on physical and mental health, diet pills and financial planning. They may think what they're doing is a demonstration of their love and concern for you.

The surest way I know to "let go of the old dreams and wishes" is to concentrate on the here and now and the blessings you have in your life -- a solid marriage, a good job, caring friends and the ability to help those less fortunate. Christmas and New Year's can be a taxing time for those who are emotionally vulnerable. Because these holiday blues happen every year, some sessions with a licensed mental health professional could help you break that cycle.

DEAR ABBY: When I come home and my girlfriend is there, I greet her with a cheerful "hello" or "good morning." Her usual response is somewhere between a grunt and a sniff.

If I am home first and she walks in, she will immediately launch into a conversation without giving me a greeting. I have tried explaining to her that her behavior makes me feel like she isn't happy to see me. But when I tell her it hurts my feelings, she accuses me of trying to "control her."

She always gives her co-workers and friends a nice, friendly greeting when she sees them. Am I being too sensitive? I feel I deserve a similar acknowledgment if I take the time to be cordial. -- SHORTCHANGED IN GEORGIA

DEAR SHORTCHANGED: You're not being overly sensitive, and asking to be treated with warmth and courtesy isn't being controlling. Your girlfriend appears to take you and your affection for granted.

If there are other problems in your relationship, perhaps it's time to step back, take a cool and rational look at how you are being treated in other areas, and decide whether it is in your best interest to continue it.