DEAR ABBY: My 14-year-old daughter, "Melissa," is bisexual. Most girls her age have sleepovers, but my husband says that any girl Melissa likes should be considered the same as a boyfriend, so it is not appropriate for her to spend the night.

I disagree. A girlfriend is not the same -- mainly because Melissa won't end up getting pregnant after spending the night with a girl. What do you think? -- MOM IN ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

DEAR MOM: If Melissa is romantically attracted to a particular girl, your husband has a valid point. However, he is mistaken if he thinks that because Melissa is bisexual she is attracted to EVERY female she meets. That is no more true than the idea that heterosexual individuals are sexually attracted to EVERY member of the opposite sex. When it comes to friendships, most are platonic -- and you and your husband should keep that in mind before deciding whether or not to allow your daughter to participate in sleepovers.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Donald," and I are retired. He attends social meetings about four times a month. Food is served at these meetings, and he usually brings part of the meal home. Then he announces that the food is "his" and that I shouldn't eat any.

Abby, his "take-home" will stay in the refrigerator for a day or so, and I have to see it every time I open the door. It often looks delicious -- not the kind of thing we usually have for meals at home. Don will then eat it in front of me, and it kills me that he won't share.

I have tried telling my husband that he should share his food, but it throws him into a rage. He claims the food is his because it was part of a meal he didn't finish and brought home to eat.

I'd like your opinion because I consider this cruel. Who's right? -- JAYNE IN MIAMI

DEAR JAYNE: You are, and I can see how your husband's behavior is hard to swallow. His actions are not only selfish but also intimidating. People who won't share food are usually selfish about other things as well.

Allow me to share a bit of advice: On the nights when your husband is socializing, make some plans with some of your women friends. Because you're not getting your treats at home, get them elsewhere.

DEAR ABBY: As the years have passed, my brown hair has slowly been replaced by threads of silver. Friends and relatives have teased me about it. I don't let their remarks bother me, but certain individuals do irritate me with their remarks. So I came up with a comeback to address their comments.

I tell them with a smile that each of my white hairs represents a "seed of wisdom" in my "field" of knowledge. I love seeing their expressions when I say this. Perhaps this will help other seniors. What do you think, Abby? -- R.J.P. IN MAINE

DEAR R.J.P: The decision to color one's hair -- or not -- is a personal one. Some people prefer to let nature take its course while others would rather "curl up and dye" than show any gray. I respect not only your refusal to be "teased" into doing something you don't want to do, but also that you do it with humor.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Felix" for six years. He moved in with me a year ago. We decided to do it because it made sense economically, and also to find out if our lifestyles meshed. We now know that we are compatible, and I feel that I am living with the man I would like to marry soon.

My problem is although I have a stable, high-paying job and am ready for marriage and children, Felix is not. He has given me the distinct impression that he has no plans to marry me for at least two years -- until he finds a higher-paying job and can support himself instead of depending on me.

I feel awkward not knowing when -- or if -- Felix will propose. I now realize that I acted too soon in encouraging us to live together. I don't know if I should just accept our living situation or ask him to move out until he's ready for marriage. How should I approach this without making him think I no longer love him? -- TOO QUICK IN SAN JOSE

DEAR TOO QUICK: You and Felix need to have a loving -- but frank -- conversation. I respect the fact that he doesn't want to be married until he is in a stronger financial position. And I also respect the fact that you don't want to just live together indefinitely.

A lot can happen in two years. People's goals can change, they can meet others and their careers can separate them. It appears that you and Felix may suffer from a case of bad timing. It is important that both of you be free to grow in your own ways.

While this might seem sad, it does not mean that you do not care for each other, or that you won't wind up together. But for now, some separation would be the healthiest thing for both of you. If your relationship is meant to be, his moving out won't kill it.

DEAR ABBY: Our neighbors are taking advantage of us. They go on five vacations a year and expect us to watch their cat and house -- for no pay. This includes shoveling snow, watering plants and flowers, mowing their lawn, getting their mail and feeding their cat, along with litter box duty. They insist that "Princess" be checked on twice a day.

My husband and I work full-time and have three small children. We have told our neighbors how busy we are, but they still expect it of us. They don't even ask nicely. They'll say, "We're going to be gone for a week and will need you to take care of our place."

They're an older couple and generally good neighbors, but we feel that if they can afford to take all these trips, they can also afford to pay us. They do bring us trinkets from their travels, but we could really use the money. They have no children or other close neighbors.

What should we do? Please hurry because they have another trip coming up. -- POOPED-OUT PET SITTERS

DEAR POOPED OUT: Start checking around to see what professional house and pet sitters are charging for their services in your area. Then have a frank chat with these neighbors and inform them what the going rate is, and that rather than trinkets you could use the money. If they're smart, they'll compensate you because you have already proven that you are honest and reliable as well as close by.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have built and begun using a second home. We have entertained some wonderful houseguests here.

Last weekend, a couple of longtime friends, "Shirley" and "Arnold," came to stay for three days. They were the most miserable three days I can remember, mostly because of Arnold.

He dominated all conversation, expected all his food to be served to him -- even though the dessert course was explicitly buffet-style -- made noises while eating and never once offered to prepare any food.

The final straw came during the last night of their stay. Arnold came into the living room in his pajamas, lay down on the couch and, when he saw what we were already watching on TV, said, "I prefer the History Channel." I was so dumbfounded I could only laugh.

Needless to say, we are not planning to invite Arnold and Shirley back (which creates some other problems). What, if anything, should I say to this couple? And are there any books or other resources on "how to be a good houseguest" that I can send him anonymously? -- DISTURBED IN THE DESERT

DEAR DISTURBED: Because Arnold and Shirley are "longtime friends," it is surprising that you hadn't noticed the husband's boorish behavior before. But sometimes you don't get to really know a person until after you have lived with him.

I do not recommend trying to educate this man on good manners at this late date. It is amazing how thin-skinned people with Arnold's lack of sensitivity for others can be. Nor should you send him any anonymous literature. He and his wife would know where it came from, so please don't sink to that level.

Sometimes silence speaks the loudest. Do not invite them again, and that will convey your message.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I disagree about when to take down the Christmas decorations. I know there are some superstitions associated with leaving them up too long or taking them down too soon. Also, should the tree be taken down before or after the New Year? -- WEARY ELVES IN TENNESSEE

DEAR WEARY ELVES: I am unaware of any superstitions concerning Christmas decorations. Many people leave their decorations (and trees) up if they are entertaining for New Year's Eve. However, common sense dictates that when the needles start falling and the tree shows signs of drying out, it should be disposed of so it doesn't become a fire hazard.

DEAR ABBY: My adult daughter, "Marsha," lives at home and will walk in and start a conversation or tell me something while I'm watching the news or some other show I'm interested in. Marsha never seems to arrive during commercials, which I'd gladly skip.

If I don't stop what I'm doing and pay full attention to her, she becomes offended. I feel she is interrupting. Who's right? -- JAMES IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR JAMES: You are. However, a compromise might be to invest in a digital video recorder. That way you can "pause" whatever you're watching and return to it when interrupted. (It's also a godsend if you need to grab a snack or go to the bathroom.)