DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old, happily married girl, but I have a problem. My 15-year-old cousin "Rayleen" likes my husband. She calls his cell phone at all hours of the night, and last week she sent him a letter telling him that I was cheating on him (a lie!) and that when he decides to get a divorce from me, if he wants a "real woman" to give her a call.

Rayleen has always had a thing for older men, but this time she has just gone too far. I know my husband loves me and would never believe her, but I'm not sure how to tell my cousin to stop. I don't want to be mean, but she can't have him. -- FURIOUS IN ALABAMA

DEAR FURIOUS: It appears that no one ever taught your hormonal cousin that there are boundaries that should not be crossed. You should not be the person telling Rayleen to cool off and face reality. That message should come from your husband, as he tells her to stop calling and stop writing nasty letters because he already has a real woman -- his wife.

P.S. And the letter should be turned over to Rayleen's mother because right now your cousin needs some parenting a lot worse than she needs a man.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 23-year-old guy who, due to money problems, credit card bills and student loans, recently moved back with my parents. Before I moved in they made me agree to a written contract that included no drinking, no smoking of any kind, a midnight curfew, getting a job and stating that once I move out I can't move back in again.

I get what they're trying to do, but I feel like they are treating me like a child. I only agreed to the terms because I was desperate.

I have abided by all the rules, but they still are suspicious of me breaking the contract after five months under their roof. I want to move out, but I am still unable to do so. What can I do to make this situation better? -- DESPERATE IN ARIZONA

DEAR DESPERATE: Your parents may have insisted on the stipulations of the contract because of something that happened before you first moved out on your own. Because they feel strongly about drinking, smoking and the curfew, the best advice I can offer is to obey the rules, avoid arguments and save your money until you can earn enough to become independent again.

DEAR ABBY: With the economic problems so many people are having, I thought I'd share a holiday gift suggestion with you.

Years ago, I realized my nephew was receiving more toys than he could ever enjoy, so I gave him a Christmas ornament instead. He was only 5 or 6 at the time, so I'm not sure he really appreciated it then. However, as more nieces and nephews came along, I continued the tradition of giving them ornaments.

They all grew to treasure their personal ornaments and took great delight in having something of their own to hang on the tree each year. -- DAVID S. IN MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR DAVID S.: Thank you for sharing a wonderful idea. I'm sure that now your nieces and nephews are grown, hanging those ornaments on their own trees has special significance.

I knew a woman years ago who used to craft gorgeous Christmas tree ornaments using Styrofoam balls decorated with ribbons, sequins and beads. They were special not only because of the love and work she put into them, but also because they were entirely unique.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: I hope "Mother With a Secret" (Sept. 3) will speak to her children about the half-brother they don't know about.

I was given up for adoption at birth and was raised by a wonderful mom and dad. After my oldest son was born, I wanted more information about my birth parents' history. My parents understood and helped me obtain the information. It has now been 26 years since I reunited with my birth mother and six half-siblings.

Although my birth mother had not told anyone about me before I contacted her, by the time I met her in person, she had told all her children about me. The sky didn't fall, and the earth didn't crumble. Instead, we became friends, sisters and brothers -- all of whom I love dearly.

As it turned out, I inherited a disease that both my biological parents have. I found out only because I asked to be tested after they told me. Because I was diagnosed early, I will be fine. Some secrets should not be kept. -- LUCKY DAUGHTER

DEAR LUCKY: I agree. I have always advocated for an adopted child's right to know if he or she has a genetic predisposition to any illnesses.

While you were "lucky," readers' opinions on the subject were mixed. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Except for some medical need to know, have you considered that the adopted child may not have been told about the adoption, or that he might not WANT to be found? As an adoptee, I have been approached by strangers claiming kinship. I know enough about my irresponsible birth parents to not want to know any of their kin, no matter how "respectable" they may seem. Not all of us want to be found. -- 'OLD CURMUDGEON' IN OREGON

DEAR ABBY: While I was moving my ill mother from her home to live with me in another state, she told me that Dad was not my birth father. I was stunned. I asked a lot of questions, and thought I had learned everything I needed to know.

After she passed away, I did some checking on my own and learned that not only did my birth father live a half-hour from where I grew up, but that I had a half-brother and four half-sisters. No one knew about me. I also found out that I am only five months older than one of his daughters. The whole situation caused me a lot of grief and affected the entire family, especially my father's wife, who is still living.

There are a lot more questions that I have now, but I will never get the answers because Mom is gone. I urge "Mother With a Secret" to tell her kids now -- while they can hear the whole story straight from her lips. -- UNRESOLVED IN ALABAMA

DEAR ABBY: I liked your advice to "Mother," but I feel strongly she should tell her children now. They will have questions for sure, some of which may not be answered in a letter to be opened after her death.

Unfortunately, my mom didn't leave us a letter to read after she was gone. The adopted child found us, and we all have questions that will go unanswered because the adoption happened almost 35 years ago, and Mom passed away three years ago. I wish she was still here to answer the many questions I have, as well as those of my half-sister who has recently become part of the family. -- WISH MOTHER HADN'T KEPT A SECRET

DEAR ABBY: Adoption should be a celebration, not a secret. The reality is that adoption is a miracle that blesses the lives of all who are involved.

I commend "Mother" for the decision she made many years ago. I pray her son was raised knowing the truth about his birth, and that if she decides to share her "secret" with her other two children, she will be able to find a sense of healing. -- ADOPTIVE MOTHER OF TWO

DEAR ABBY: Once a month, a trade representative I'll call "Bob" visits our office and flirts with me. I try to keep him at a distance, but he always tries to move close to me and changes his voice to be soft and seductive. Last month he told me I "smelled good," although I wasn't wearing anything fragrant. I assured him it was the eucalyptus incense behind him.

Abby, Bob comes on so strong it scares me. I had my chair backed up all the way against my computer desk. I decided that the next time he came in I would make sure I had a co-worker close by. But when I did, he didn't act the same way. I have a feeling he won't act up again until we're alone.

I loathe the idea of being alone with him in a room. I hesitate to ask a male co-worker to step in because I don't want to appear weak. What should I do to get Bob to back off? -- HAD IT IN BEAUFORT, S.C.

DEAR HAD IT: If you haven't already done so, document what has gone on each time Bob has come into your office. Frankly, he sounds more than a little bit creepy.

When he comes on to you again, tell him directly and clearly (and loudly) that he is making you uncomfortable, and if he doesn't stop immediately, you will report him to your boss. And if he tries anything again, follow through.

It is your boss's responsibility to provide you with a harassment-free work environment, and if that doesn't happen, your state labor board or the federal Equal Employment Opportunity Commission should be notified.

DEAR ABBY: One of my longtime friends, "Lena," sends e-mail constantly telling me to "check out the baby Web page." She's a grandmother and I can't seem to engage her in any other topic of conversation anymore. There is rarely any news from her except baby news.

I no longer open her e-mails because I know they will be only one more mass generic urging to check the latest baby update on the Web site. Lena is now on grandchild No. 2, so this has been going on for three years.

I'm ready to drift away from our friendship because we no longer communicate and I feel she's stuck in "babyland." Any advice? -- OVERLOADED IN GEORGIA

DEAR OVERLOADED: Level with Lena. Ask her to remove you from her mass e-mail list and to e-mail you only if she has a personal message to convey. When you talk with her, ask about common interests that have nothing to do with her grandchild, although you should expect to listen to some news about her major preoccupation.

If this is still more than you can tolerate, remember that friendships can have a life of their own and vary in intensity over time. You may become closer again a few years down the line when she's less preoccupied with the little ones. Because you have a circle of friends, concentrate more on them and less on Lena for now.

DEAR ABBY: For years I have seen you print letters at holiday time that offer gift suggestions for seniors.

Last year my daughter gave me the best gift I could have gotten. She and my granddaughters completely unpacked my boxes of Christmas decorations and decorated my whole house. They even cleaned up!

I am 76, and when I walked in, I felt like I was living in a fairy tale. All I had to do was sit down and enjoy it. -- GENE IN NEW CUMBERLAND, PA.

DEAR GENE: Thank you for sharing the idea. I am often asked for gift ideas for the person who already has everything. By giving a "gift of self," as your daughter and granddaughters did, a person can never go wrong because it is always welcome.