DEAR ABBY: I am 24 years old and engaged to a man who is 54. I love him with all my heart, but I haven't told my father yet.

My fiance takes very good care of me, and we have a lot in common. We get along great. We have been together for three years and have had only one big fight. We can talk about everything. Do you think dating someone twice your age is OK? -- LOVED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR LOVED: Much depends upon the level of maturity of the people involved. Some 54-year-old men are young and vigorous for their ages, and some 24-year-old women are mature in their thinking and level of experience. But you can't entirely ignore the numbers.

In a case like yours, my concern is that you still feel it's necessary to hide something as important as an engagement from your father. Does your father even know about this man? Do you plan to have children? And because your fiance is so much older than you, has it occurred to you that you might wind up taking care of him?

What I think is that you have some serious thinking to do about what lies ahead.

DEAR ABBY: My stepdaughter, "Hannah," had a baby last year at the age of 16. She had decided to place her baby for adoption, but changed her mind the day before she gave birth. Hannah's father and I told her we would help because we wanted her to finish high school and participate in school activities.

The problem is, she is out with her friends or at school functions almost every night while we take care of the baby, whom we adore. My concern is, how much help should we be giving her? Should we let Hannah just be a teenager until she graduates?

I think there should be a happy medium between being a teenager and being a parent, but my husband thinks we should shoulder all the responsibility. -- MICHIGAN NANA

DEAR NANA: I could not disagree more with your husband. He is doing his daughter no favors by insisting that you and he shoulder all the responsibility for that baby. Hannah needs to bond with that child. Unless she does, you will be raising it until he or she is an adult. These are important years in your grandchild's development, and your stepdaughter needs to be a part of it. Period!

DEAR ABBY: I'm so upset I can't stop crying. My wedding is in seven weeks. My fiance and I have planned this wedding for nearly a year.

Last week, my aunt told me she has only a short time to live and that she has decided to have her memorial while she is still living. Abby, she picked the day of our wedding.

It is too late and too expensive for us to change the date. We're already getting our RSVPs back. I don't know what to do. It leaves me wondering why she would choose to do this. Please help! -- DENISE IN MUSKEGON, MICH.

DEAR DENISE: It IS too late to alter your wedding plans. Unless your aunt is literally breathing her last breath -- which is doubtful if she's well enough to be planning her memorial -- ask your parents to talk with her and ask her to please reschedule it for another date. Your aunt appears to be extremely self-centered, and no relative should have to make a choice on that day between life and death.

DEAR ABBY: I'm so upset I can't stop crying. My wedding is in seven weeks. My fiance and I have planned this wedding for nearly a year.

Last week, my aunt told me she has only a short time to live and that she has decided to have her memorial while she is still living. Abby, she picked the day of our wedding.

It is too late and too expensive for us to change the date. We're already getting our RSVPs back. I don't know what to do. It leaves me wondering why she would choose to do this. Please help! -- DENISE IN MUSKEGON, MICH.

DEAR DENISE: It IS too late to alter your wedding plans. Unless your aunt is literally breathing her last breath -- which is doubtful if she's well enough to be planning her memorial -- ask your parents to talk with her and ask her to please reschedule it for another date. Your aunt appears to be extremely self-centered, and no relative should have to make a choice on that day between life and death.

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Tracy" has been hinting that she needs to borrow money. I don't loan money to people unless it's an emergency, and frankly, I know if I lend her any, she won't pay me back.

Last week she took her family on vacation and to her uncle's funeral. When they got back, she went on and on about all the fun they had and mentioned that she had spent almost $1,000. She then followed it up with, "So, next month I may need to borrow money from you. Does your offer still stand?"

Abby, I never offered to loan her money! I quickly changed the subject because I didn't want to say anything I might regret later. How do I tell her I don't want to loan her money without losing a friendship or hurting her feelings? -- ON THE SPOT IN SEATTLE

DEAR ON THE SPOT: Tracy may be charming and fun to be around, but she's not a friend. In fact, she appears to be a bit of a hustler. Two can play that game.

When she raises the subject of the loan again -- and she will -- tell her: "Tracy, the last time you mentioned this, don't you remember me telling you I never lend money? In fact, I really could use some myself."

Please don't worry about losing a friendship or hurting her feelings. Tracy has the hide of a rhino, and friends don't use friends the way she's trying to use you. Shame on her.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-old girl in eighth grade. Ever since fifth grade I have had a crush on a teacher, "Mr. M."

He was my homeroom teacher in fifth grade, and I just kind of "fell in love" with him. Mr. M. is 40 and has two children.

Abby, I know it is wrong, but for some reason, I have been obsessed with him. Ever since I was 10 I have been his favorite student, and obviously he was my favorite teacher.

This school year is the first time Mr. M. isn't teaching any of my classes. I realize this is probably a good thing, but I'm having difficulty accepting it. I feel awful. How should I handle it? -- EIGHTH-GRADE ADMIRER

DEAR ADMIRER: Many young ladies have had crushes on their male teachers, myself included. I am not minimizing your feelings for Mr. M., but with time and distance they will diminish. What you are experiencing is a combination of growing pains and withdrawal. Part of what you are missing is the rush of adrenaline you felt when you saw Mr. M. every day.

You have many wonderful, exciting experiences ahead of you both intellectually and romantically. The feelings you are experiencing are part of growing up. The harder you focus on what lies ahead of you, the less time you will have to look back over your shoulder and brood.

DEAR ABBY: I belong to an organization that helps support our local food bank. One of our jobs is to check the expiration dates on the packaging. Canned goods have expiration dates, and if they are old, they must be thrown out.

Please tell your readers to check the dates before sending items on to the food drive. Then their generosity will reach the people for whom it was intended. I think they would be sad to know how much food is wasted because it was donated after the expiration date. -– KALI IN RENO, NEV.

DEAR KALI: Your letter speaks for itself. People in need don't want spoiled food any more than the donors do. Thank you for writing.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

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DEAR ABBY: I am a licensed psychologist and the director of a small counseling center at a liberal arts college. Part of my duties include answering emergency calls from students who are in crisis.

A local coed apparently has been regularly giving out my cell phone number to young men she meets in bars whom she does not want to reject on the spot. Abby, you wouldn't believe the calls and text messages I receive at all hours of the day and night. I hear a lot in my line of work, yet some of these calls have made me blush!

Not only is this an inconvenience for me, but it would create a difficult situation for someone in a real crisis who can't get through to me because my phone is tied up with these phone calls and text messages.

Ladies, young and old alike: Please be honest. If you are not interested in the man -- say so! You don't have to annihilate him. Just say that you enjoyed meeting him but the "spark" isn't there, and wish him luck in his dating future. Please do not give him someone else's number. That's a coward's way out, and it is extremely unbecoming. And, at the very least, you are creating an inconvenience for someone else. I know. -- PHONE CALL FIELDER IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PHONE CALL FIELDER: One would think that a person who is old enough to be looking for a good time in an establishment that serves liquor would also be mature enough to charmingly discourage unwanted attention. However, because the situation you have described happens frequently, I am printing your letter.

I agree that giving someone a wrong phone number is cowardly. I have heard from many men who have told me that if a woman isn't interested, she should be direct about it. Believe it or not, the honesty will be appreciated.

DEAR ABBY: Thanksgiving will be here soon, and I hope you will help me spread a timely message.

Each year the media cheapens the holiday by referring to it as Turkey Day instead of Thanksgiving. Please remind your readers that the name Turkey Day is both inaccurate and inappropriate. While I think turkeys are charming and entertaining, our family does not gather on the fourth Thursday of November to celebrate the intelligence or majesty of these remarkable birds. Instead, we try to carry on the tradition of the Pilgrims who were thankful for their bounteous blessings after surviving their first winter in the New World.

I believe the expression "Happy Turkey Day" contributes to the dumbing down of America, and that we are falling further and further away from the real meaning behind the holiday with each passing year.

Please help to remind your readers to use the correct name for this important holiday, and let's all have a Happy Thanksgiving. Thanks for the opportunity to vent. -- MARK M. IN TAMPA, FLA.

DEAR MARK M.: I agree that it's important not to forget the true meaning of our national holidays. But perhaps the reason so many members of the media -- and others -- refer to Thanksgiving as "turkey day" is because it's the time we allow ourselves to "gobble, gobble, gobble."

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)