DEAR ABBY: My friend "Tracy" has been hinting that she needs to borrow money. I don't loan money to people unless it's an emergency, and frankly, I know if I lend her any, she won't pay me back.

Last week she took her family on vacation and to her uncle's funeral. When they got back, she went on and on about all the fun they had and mentioned that she had spent almost $1,000. She then followed it up with, "So, next month I may need to borrow money from you. Does your offer still stand?"

Abby, I never offered to loan her money! I quickly changed the subject because I didn't want to say anything I might regret later. How do I tell her I don't want to loan her money without losing a friendship or hurting her feelings? -- ON THE SPOT IN SEATTLE

DEAR ON THE SPOT: Tracy may be charming and fun to be around, but she's not a friend. In fact, she appears to be a bit of a hustler. Two can play that game.

When she raises the subject of the loan again -- and she will -- tell her: "Tracy, the last time you mentioned this, don't you remember me telling you I never lend money? In fact, I really could use some myself."

Please don't worry about losing a friendship or hurting her feelings. Tracy has the hide of a rhino, and friends don't use friends the way she's trying to use you. Shame on her.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-old girl in eighth grade. Ever since fifth grade I have had a crush on a teacher, "Mr. M."

He was my homeroom teacher in fifth grade, and I just kind of "fell in love" with him. Mr. M. is 40 and has two children.

Abby, I know it is wrong, but for some reason, I have been obsessed with him. Ever since I was 10 I have been his favorite student, and obviously he was my favorite teacher.

This school year is the first time Mr. M. isn't teaching any of my classes. I realize this is probably a good thing, but I'm having difficulty accepting it. I feel awful. How should I handle it? -- EIGHTH-GRADE ADMIRER

DEAR ADMIRER: Many young ladies have had crushes on their male teachers, myself included. I am not minimizing your feelings for Mr. M., but with time and distance they will diminish. What you are experiencing is a combination of growing pains and withdrawal. Part of what you are missing is the rush of adrenaline you felt when you saw Mr. M. every day.

You have many wonderful, exciting experiences ahead of you both intellectually and romantically. The feelings you are experiencing are part of growing up. The harder you focus on what lies ahead of you, the less time you will have to look back over your shoulder and brood.

DEAR ABBY: I belong to an organization that helps support our local food bank. One of our jobs is to check the expiration dates on the packaging. Canned goods have expiration dates, and if they are old, they must be thrown out.

Please tell your readers to check the dates before sending items on to the food drive. Then their generosity will reach the people for whom it was intended. I think they would be sad to know how much food is wasted because it was donated after the expiration date. -– KALI IN RENO, NEV.

DEAR KALI: Your letter speaks for itself. People in need don't want spoiled food any more than the donors do. Thank you for writing.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a licensed psychologist and the director of a small counseling center at a liberal arts college. Part of my duties include answering emergency calls from students who are in crisis.

A local coed apparently has been regularly giving out my cell phone number to young men she meets in bars whom she does not want to reject on the spot. Abby, you wouldn't believe the calls and text messages I receive at all hours of the day and night. I hear a lot in my line of work, yet some of these calls have made me blush!

Not only is this an inconvenience for me, but it would create a difficult situation for someone in a real crisis who can't get through to me because my phone is tied up with these phone calls and text messages.

Ladies, young and old alike: Please be honest. If you are not interested in the man -- say so! You don't have to annihilate him. Just say that you enjoyed meeting him but the "spark" isn't there, and wish him luck in his dating future. Please do not give him someone else's number. That's a coward's way out, and it is extremely unbecoming. And, at the very least, you are creating an inconvenience for someone else. I know. -- PHONE CALL FIELDER IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PHONE CALL FIELDER: One would think that a person who is old enough to be looking for a good time in an establishment that serves liquor would also be mature enough to charmingly discourage unwanted attention. However, because the situation you have described happens frequently, I am printing your letter.

I agree that giving someone a wrong phone number is cowardly. I have heard from many men who have told me that if a woman isn't interested, she should be direct about it. Believe it or not, the honesty will be appreciated.

DEAR ABBY: Thanksgiving will be here soon, and I hope you will help me spread a timely message.

Each year the media cheapens the holiday by referring to it as Turkey Day instead of Thanksgiving. Please remind your readers that the name Turkey Day is both inaccurate and inappropriate. While I think turkeys are charming and entertaining, our family does not gather on the fourth Thursday of November to celebrate the intelligence or majesty of these remarkable birds. Instead, we try to carry on the tradition of the Pilgrims who were thankful for their bounteous blessings after surviving their first winter in the New World.

I believe the expression "Happy Turkey Day" contributes to the dumbing down of America, and that we are falling further and further away from the real meaning behind the holiday with each passing year.

Please help to remind your readers to use the correct name for this important holiday, and let's all have a Happy Thanksgiving. Thanks for the opportunity to vent. -- MARK M. IN TAMPA, FLA.

DEAR MARK M.: I agree that it's important not to forget the true meaning of our national holidays. But perhaps the reason so many members of the media -- and others -- refer to Thanksgiving as "turkey day" is because it's the time we allow ourselves to "gobble, gobble, gobble."

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I read about your booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions" a few years ago, and I want to let you know how much it helped me recently in writing to my aunt.

You see, my aunt's beloved cat, "Mouser," passed away. Although I didn't know Mouser very well, I did know how much her cat meant to her.

Knowing how much she was hurting, I felt I had to say something -- but what? Then I remembered that your booklet had a section on how to write a condolence letter.

You said: "When writing a condolence letter ... if you come up with a specific memory that you have cherished, relate it. Believe it or not, a humorous incident will be appreciated."

So I sent my aunt a funny incident I remembered about Mouser. She wrote me back a month later thanking me for "moving her thoughts from a very sad place and making her smile." She said my story made her remember other antics she hadn't thought of in a long time.

I know I'm not the only person who has trouble putting feelings down on paper. Please mention your booklet again so your readers will know this invaluable resource is available. -- GRATEFUL READER IN N.Y.

DEAR GRATEFUL READER: Thank you for your sweet note. I'm pleased my booklet was helpful to you. Not everyone can write letters that are literary masterpieces, but anyone can acknowledge a gift, express sympathy as you did, and accept (or decline) an invitation -- and do it properly -- by following a few basic "rules."

While letter writing may always be a chore to some people, there are occasions when the written message is the only proper means of communication. My booklet contains sample letters for almost any occasion, which may be used as patterns from which to write your own letters.

It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus a check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby -- Letters Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

For anyone who has ever wondered how to begin to compose a charming thank-you note, a letter expressing warm congratulations, a love letter or the opposite -- announce a broken engagement -- "How to Write Letters for All Occasions" will serve as a guide for those who put off writing because they don't know what to say, how to say it or even how to begin.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband and his live-in, pregnant girlfriend asked me to help them decorate their soon-to-be new house. (Their affair is what ended our marriage.) They both have commented on what good taste I have and how they like my decorating style. They have even offered to pay for my services.

Abby, is this too weird or what? -- STUCK IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE

DEAR STUCK: I'm not sure I'd call it "weird" as much as I'd call it nervy and insensitive. My question is, how badly do you need the money?