DEAR ABBY: I'm a single 59-year-old man who is dating an attractive 40-year-old woman. I wear glasses, and she wears contact lenses, which she takes out before we go to bed at night. Of course, I remove my glasses.

The problem is, when we become intimate, we can barely see each other -- even with the lights on. We want to know what each other looks like when we're making love. Any suggestions? -- EYES WIDE OPEN IN ROGERS, ARK.

DEAR EYES WIDE OPEN: I am not a vision expert, and this is something you should discuss with your eye-care professional. However, because you are both blind as bats without corrective lenses, perhaps it's time you considered the Braille method.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 37 years recently purchased our tombstones and had them installed on our cemetery plots. I didn't even know about this latest purchase -- only the plots. He even had both our names and birthdates put on the tombstones. I was shocked to receive photos of them from the funeral home.

I had previously mentioned to him that I'm not sure if I want to be buried in Wisconsin and to please not put my name on the stone now. I always thought married couples should discuss such details before making a decision.

I am having a really hard time with this. He has been secretive and domineering. I feel betrayed and no longer feel I can trust him. Am I wrong on this? -- DESPERATE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR DESPERATE: If your husband has always been secretive and domineering, then this is the man you married, and this latest episode is just more of the same. If, however, he has recently BECOME secretive and domineering, it is important for you to discuss this with your family doctor because your husband may need to be medically and neurologically evaluated.

Women usually outlive men, so your husband may have jumped the gun in making this decision "for" you. Look at the bright side. If he predeceases you, you can sell the second cemetery plot, take a lovely cruise and have the stone turned into a planter.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law, "Madge," lives 1,400 miles away, and my husband and I rarely see her. Because of issues in the past, I do not care for her company -- and that's putting it mildly.

Yesterday, Madge called my husband and invited herself and my sister-in-law to Thanksgiving dinner with MY family! Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I look forward to spending the time with my family, especially those I only get to see a few times a year. How can I tell Madge that they can't come without making them angry? -- T-DAY WITH MY FAMILY

DEAR T-DAY: Obviously, you can't -- and neither could your husband. You can, however, control to some extent how much contact you have with her if you have assigned seating.

Put Madge and your sister-in-law at the other end of the table on either side of your husband. Keep a smile on your face and stay busy with all the "duties" a hostess must perform. You'll get through it. And next year, tell your husband to check with you before allowing his mother to invite herself.

DEAR ABBY: I am 28 years old, married for four years and have an 8-month-old son. For years I knew I wanted children and that I wanted to be a stay-at-home mother for as long as possible. I am taking a year or two off from work as a teacher to stay home with my son.

My problem is, I find playing with my son tedious, boring and frustrating. I don't mind caring for his needs, such as cleaning and feeding, but the actual playtime -- the part that is supposed to be fun, stimulating and so important to his emotional, physical and social growth -- bores me out of my mind.

I spend each day waiting for my son to nap so I can read, go online or watch TV, and I count the hours until my husband gets home so I can hand him the baby. I am seriously concerned that something is wrong with me as a mother, especially because I have suffered from depression in the past. Is this a dirty little secret that many mothers keep? -– NEW MOM IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR NEW MOM: No, it is not, and you are right to be concerned. For your sake as well as your son's, it is important that you discuss your feelings with your OB-GYN to make sure you are not suffering from postpartum depression, which is treatable.

You should also consider joining a playgroup, so you will have the company of other mothers. It will give you a healthier perspective than escaping by reading, watching TV or going online.

DEAR ABBY: Have you heard of middle child syndrome? You know, when you are the middle child and your parents seem to spoil and love your older and younger siblings but not you? I'm a 16-year-old girl who has this problem.

I have an older brother and younger sister. My parents love and spoil them but not me. Please don't tell me it's my age or because I'm a girl, because this has been going on ever since I can remember. -- MIDDLE CHILD IN HACKENSACK, N.J.

DEAR MIDDLE CHILD: Yes, I have heard of middle child syndrome. And there are cases where the oldest child -- or the baby -- is favored, but it does not happen in every family.

However, I do not think the phenomenon of parents playing favorites is as common as you would like to believe. Each child is loved for different reasons, but all are valued because every child is unique.

Because you feel you have been overlooked, perhaps it's time to turn your frustration into an effort to excel at something. That way, you will find recognition and validation from both your family and from sources outside it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 12-year-old boy who is friends with a girl I'll call "Jenny." She is beautiful, and I want to ask her to the school dance, but there's a problem. My best friend, "Matthew," also likes her.

Truthfully, I think I have a better shot at getting her to go with me because I know she doesn't like Matthew. But if she goes to the dance with me, my friendship with Matthew will be wrecked. What do I do? -- J.D. IN FLORIDA

DEAR J.D.: It's a school dance -- why not go stag? That way you can ask anyone you want to dance, and if Jenny likes you better than Matthew, she may choose to spend more time with you than with him.

DEAR READERS: Today is Election Day -- finally. I hope to be the last person to remind you to get out there and cast your ballots!

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Parental alienation is a topic I have never seen addressed in your column. It is a problem with many divorces involving children. I think my brother is a victim of it. He lives in a different state than his little boy, but pays child support.

Abby, his ex continuously harasses him via text messaging and late-night phone calls, accusing him of things she thinks happened when they were together. You'd think she hasn't moved on, but she has a new husband!

She agreed that my brother could call his son twice a week, but she rarely answers the phone during these scheduled "visits." She is now trying harder to keep my brother out of his son's life. She even told my nephew that the presents my brother sent him for Christmas came from her new husband!

My brother can't afford a lawyer right now, but he is moving to Florida in the near future and I would like to help him resolve this issue. What are your thoughts on parental alienation? -- FRUSTRATED SIS IN FLORIDA

DEAR FRUSTRATED SIS: The kind of anger, selfishness and vindictiveness you have described are unhealthy for everyone involved. Obviously, your former sister-in-law has not moved on. She's still stuck in trying to retaliate against your brother. She's expending the energy and attention she should be devoting to her new marriage and new husband to punishing her last one.

And as for your nephew, when a child grows up believing his father thought he was unimportant and expendable, it can negatively affect his sense of self-worth.

There is an effective resource available to your brother -- the Children's Rights Council (CRC). For many years this organization has worked to prevent children from being victimized by their parents' divorces, something which happens all too often. The CRC has 57 chapters in 37 states, and its Web site is � HYPERLINK "http://www.crckids.org" �www.crckids.org�. Its president, David L. Levy, J.D., is a nationally known expert on children and edited "The Best Parent Is Both Parents" (Hampton Roads Publishing). Please advise your brother to contact this group.

DEAR ABBY: I met a woman online and have had several dates with her, including hikes to beautiful locations where I took some pictures of her with her camera. Now she has posted them on her dating profile.

I'm a little peeved about seeing photos I took displayed on her profile -- presumably to attract other men -- but I don't feel we're close enough yet to ask her to take them down.

Am I being too sensitive? She says she wants to continue dating others. Can you tell me what you think would be an appropriate response from me, if any? -- SHUTTERBUG IN KINGSPORT, TENN.

DEAR SHUTTERBUG: You and this lady have just met. If she wants to continue dating others, that's her privilege. That she is using pictures you took of her as part of her profile was a compliment to your skills, but also a signal that she is not particularly interested in you.

An appropriate response would be to tell her she hurt your feelings, and for you to continue dating other women because this one does not appear to be "The One."

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)