DEAR ABBY: Two weeks ago, out of the blue, my middle-aged neighbor, "Ed," brought over a bushel of apples from his tree. He told me he didn't want them to go to waste, and he wasn't going to do anything with them. I told Ed I didn't want them, but he left them with me anyway.

Reluctantly, I spent my days off peeling, coring and cooking them into batches of apple crisp, pies and jam. I gave away all of the items to friends and family, and saved one pie to give to Ed.

When I took it over to him, he said, "Is that it? What did you do with all the rest?" When I told him I had given everything else away, Ed got upset and said he should have gotten more because they were his apples!

Abby, I am just furious. I didn't want, ask for or need those apples in the first place. I worked hard preparing them, and the last thing I expected was for my neighbor to be so ungrateful. Am I overreacting? I seriously want nothing more to do with the man. -- OFFENDED IN APPLETON, WIS.

DEAR OFFENDED: Once your neighbor gave you the bushel of apples, they were yours to do with as you chose. While it would have been generous of you to have given him a sample of each of the items you created with them, you were under no obligation to do so. To hold a grudge against this presumptuous man is a waste of time, so let it go. Something tells me he won't burden you with his apples again anytime soon.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I married very young by today's standards. We met when I was 17, started dating when I was 18, became engaged at 19 and married at 20. My family supported the marriage. We completed a full year of premarital counseling and a weekend marriage course, as well. We're financially stable and very much in love.

Two years later, we're still happy as ever and know that marrying was the right choice for us.

Acquaintances and strangers often feel the need to tell us that our marriage "won't last." Some even go as far as to say, "Are you crazy? Why would you do that?" Is there a polite way to respond to these comments? We find them hurtful and insulting. -- YOUNG AND IN LOVE

DEAR IN LOVE: Those comments are not only rude and insulting, they are also presumptuous, and a reflection of the speakers' biases and possible problems with making a commitment. But please do not sink to their level. Marrying late is no guarantee that the union will be successful, either. To those who say it won't last, smile and reply, "Time will tell." It's the truth.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem remembering people's names, even though I have been attending church with some of them for nearly 10 years. It's embarrassing when someone greets me and I can't recall his or her name. Have you any suggestions for me? -- BEWILDERED IN GRAND RAPIDS

DEAR BEWILDERED: Your problem is very common. Some people have solved it by using word association when they meet people, and by repeating the name after being introduced. Example: "It's nice to meet you, (true, blue) Sue." (The true and blue are, of course, silent.) A group picture from the church newsletter with a caption underneath can also be a powerful memory-jogger if you look at it before you leave for church.

If all else fails, fall back on that old show-business standby, "DAHLING, you look MAH-velous!"

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My friend, "Steven," and I have known each other 10 years. He and I have seen each other through many good times, and a few bad ones.

Most recently, Steven was in a relationship with a woman who couldn't stand the thought of his having female friends. So, for the last 18 months, the only contact I have had with him was via e-mail -- and that was very seldom.

Steven recently e-mailed me saying he had broken up with this insecure woman. He expressed how sorry he was for the limited contact, and said he would like for us to rebuild our friendship. I'm thrilled to finally have my friend back, but I also feel somewhat resentful toward him for his having discarded me.

Abby, I missed Steven. But how can I be his pal again when I am still hurt by his blatant disregard for our friendship and my feelings over the past year and a half? -- UNCERTAIN IN LONG BEACH

DEAR UNCERTAIN: The surest way to put this unhappy chapter in your relationship behind you would be to tell your friend how hurt you were, how abandoned you felt, talk it through and listen to what he has to say. Frankly, no one can blame you for feeling as you do. You were cut off through no fault of your own. And only time will tell if Steven has learned his lesson, so it won't happen again.

DEAR ABBY: For the last seven months I have been planning a Florida vacation with two of my girlfriends. However, one of them, "Heather," has just announced that she will be having foot surgery before we leave. She will be in a cast and able to walk only with the use of crutches. I hoped that Heather would cancel, but she's still planning to come anyway.

Abby, I don't want to take care of her on my only vacation. Am I being selfish? Should we let her come and just sit in the condo while we go out to explore? I'm afraid our friendship will suffer. What should I do? -- VACATION-BOUND IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR VACATION-BOUND: True friends can level with each other. Talk to Heather now and explain your concerns, including your fear that she will be stuck in the condo while you and your other friend will be out and about. Ask if she has thought this through.

You might be surprised to find that she'll be perfectly happy sitting in the condo, by a swimming pool or on the beach. If she takes the trip as planned, do your exploring and enjoy yourself. Heather can enjoy your adventures vicariously, as well as the experience of being "away," even if it's not the vacation she originally envisioned.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl with my own set of problems. I had a horrible childhood, but I love to read.

I read a series of novels that I grew very fond of, but in the last book the protagonist died. I cried. Can you tell me why I'm so attached? -- TEEN READER

DEAR READER: Books can be wonderfully entertaining and informative, and they can also be an escape from reality. It's possible that you spent so much time in the "world" the author created that the protagonist became like a good friend. You became so emotionally invested that you felt a sense of loss when the character was no more. It's no different than becoming emotional watching a sad movie. It means the author did a good job.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: A few months ago I discovered that my partner of 14 years, "Curt," had been sleeping with my 20-year-old son, "Troy's," girlfriend, "Jenna." Our family is crushed at the betrayal; Curt crossed so many boundaries. We have a daughter together, and she considered Jenna her sister.

I hurt for myself as well as my son, who can't believe that the man who helped raise him would do this to him.

Jenna admits that the affair is half her fault. She had been sending Curt provocative photos of herself. Troy has forgiven her. When he told her he was still willing to work on their relationship, she ended it with Curt.

I have kicked my former partner out of the house. No one wants anything to do with him or Jenna. However, I told Troy I would support his desire to repair his relationship with her. I feel I owe it to him after what his "stepfather" did. My problem is, I'm having trouble actually doing it.

I am so conflicted! The holidays are nearly here and so is Troy's birthday. While I would like to accept Jenna for my son's sake, I hate her for having so little respect for me and my feelings that she'd have sex with the man I loved. -- TORN AND HURT IN ILLINOIS

DEAR TORN AND HURT: Your feelings are valid. You were betrayed by your partner and your son's girlfriend. While you may, at some point, be able to "forgive" Jenna and accept her back into your life, the promise you made to your son was premature.

Rebuilding trust will take time, and everyone needs to be able to talk their feelings out. It would be better to do this with the help of a licensed family therapist who can mediate and guide you through the process. (It will be a process.)

Also, as much as your son may love this young woman, he should plan a long engagement and lots of premarital counseling before he finally ties the knot -- if he does at all.

DEAR ABBY: I have really only loved one woman. I don't think "Debra" ever realized it, even though we were friends. Since leaving high school 14 years ago, I have not been able to keep a relationship with a woman going for more than a few months. (I haven't seen Debra in nearly 16 years.)

I tried counseling, but it wasn't especially helpful. I have done Web searches and think I have finally located Debra. It appears that she's married. I don't really think I should contact her, but I have always wondered if she felt the same way about me.

I haven't been with anyone for five years. I have always thought about what might have been, even when I was in relationships. Please help me decide. I don't know if it is closure I'm looking for, or what. -- PINING IN JAMESTOWN, N.Y.

DEAR PINING: What you're looking for is the realization of a high school fantasy, but what you're more likely in for is a cold dose of reality. Debra has moved on in her life, but you have not. You may have picked the wrong therapist or quit counseling too soon.

My advice is to stop trying to go back to high school and return to therapy before you waste any more time. You may have been spending far too much time living in the past. It's time to move on and start living in the here and now.

DEAR ABBY: I have really only loved one woman. I don't think "Debra" ever realized it, even though we were friends. Since leaving high school 14 years ago, I have not been able to keep a relationship with a woman going for more than a few months. (I haven't seen Debra in nearly 16 years.)

I tried counseling, but it wasn't especially helpful. I have done Web searches and think I have finally located Debra. It appears that she's married. I don't really think I should contact her, but I have always wondered if she felt the same way about me.

I haven't been with anyone for five years. I have always thought about what might have been, even when I was in relationships. Please help me decide. I don't know if it is closure I'm looking for, or what. -- PINING IN JAMESTOWN, N.Y.

DEAR PINING: What you're looking for is the realization of a high school fantasy, but what you're more likely in for is a cold dose of reality. Debra has moved on in her life, but you have not. You may have picked the wrong therapist or quit counseling too soon.

My advice is to stop trying to go back to high school and return to therapy before you waste any more time. You may have been spending far too much time living in the past. It's time to move on and start living in the here and now.