DEAR ABBY: My friend, "Steven," and I have known each other 10 years. He and I have seen each other through many good times, and a few bad ones.

Most recently, Steven was in a relationship with a woman who couldn't stand the thought of his having female friends. So, for the last 18 months, the only contact I have had with him was via e-mail -- and that was very seldom.

Steven recently e-mailed me saying he had broken up with this insecure woman. He expressed how sorry he was for the limited contact, and said he would like for us to rebuild our friendship. I'm thrilled to finally have my friend back, but I also feel somewhat resentful toward him for his having discarded me.

Abby, I missed Steven. But how can I be his pal again when I am still hurt by his blatant disregard for our friendship and my feelings over the past year and a half? -- UNCERTAIN IN LONG BEACH

DEAR UNCERTAIN: The surest way to put this unhappy chapter in your relationship behind you would be to tell your friend how hurt you were, how abandoned you felt, talk it through and listen to what he has to say. Frankly, no one can blame you for feeling as you do. You were cut off through no fault of your own. And only time will tell if Steven has learned his lesson, so it won't happen again.

DEAR ABBY: For the last seven months I have been planning a Florida vacation with two of my girlfriends. However, one of them, "Heather," has just announced that she will be having foot surgery before we leave. She will be in a cast and able to walk only with the use of crutches. I hoped that Heather would cancel, but she's still planning to come anyway.

Abby, I don't want to take care of her on my only vacation. Am I being selfish? Should we let her come and just sit in the condo while we go out to explore? I'm afraid our friendship will suffer. What should I do? -- VACATION-BOUND IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR VACATION-BOUND: True friends can level with each other. Talk to Heather now and explain your concerns, including your fear that she will be stuck in the condo while you and your other friend will be out and about. Ask if she has thought this through.

You might be surprised to find that she'll be perfectly happy sitting in the condo, by a swimming pool or on the beach. If she takes the trip as planned, do your exploring and enjoy yourself. Heather can enjoy your adventures vicariously, as well as the experience of being "away," even if it's not the vacation she originally envisioned.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl with my own set of problems. I had a horrible childhood, but I love to read.

I read a series of novels that I grew very fond of, but in the last book the protagonist died. I cried. Can you tell me why I'm so attached? -- TEEN READER

DEAR READER: Books can be wonderfully entertaining and informative, and they can also be an escape from reality. It's possible that you spent so much time in the "world" the author created that the protagonist became like a good friend. You became so emotionally invested that you felt a sense of loss when the character was no more. It's no different than becoming emotional watching a sad movie. It means the author did a good job.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: A few months ago I discovered that my partner of 14 years, "Curt," had been sleeping with my 20-year-old son, "Troy's," girlfriend, "Jenna." Our family is crushed at the betrayal; Curt crossed so many boundaries. We have a daughter together, and she considered Jenna her sister.

I hurt for myself as well as my son, who can't believe that the man who helped raise him would do this to him.

Jenna admits that the affair is half her fault. She had been sending Curt provocative photos of herself. Troy has forgiven her. When he told her he was still willing to work on their relationship, she ended it with Curt.

I have kicked my former partner out of the house. No one wants anything to do with him or Jenna. However, I told Troy I would support his desire to repair his relationship with her. I feel I owe it to him after what his "stepfather" did. My problem is, I'm having trouble actually doing it.

I am so conflicted! The holidays are nearly here and so is Troy's birthday. While I would like to accept Jenna for my son's sake, I hate her for having so little respect for me and my feelings that she'd have sex with the man I loved. -- TORN AND HURT IN ILLINOIS

DEAR TORN AND HURT: Your feelings are valid. You were betrayed by your partner and your son's girlfriend. While you may, at some point, be able to "forgive" Jenna and accept her back into your life, the promise you made to your son was premature.

Rebuilding trust will take time, and everyone needs to be able to talk their feelings out. It would be better to do this with the help of a licensed family therapist who can mediate and guide you through the process. (It will be a process.)

Also, as much as your son may love this young woman, he should plan a long engagement and lots of premarital counseling before he finally ties the knot -- if he does at all.

DEAR ABBY: I have really only loved one woman. I don't think "Debra" ever realized it, even though we were friends. Since leaving high school 14 years ago, I have not been able to keep a relationship with a woman going for more than a few months. (I haven't seen Debra in nearly 16 years.)

I tried counseling, but it wasn't especially helpful. I have done Web searches and think I have finally located Debra. It appears that she's married. I don't really think I should contact her, but I have always wondered if she felt the same way about me.

I haven't been with anyone for five years. I have always thought about what might have been, even when I was in relationships. Please help me decide. I don't know if it is closure I'm looking for, or what. -- PINING IN JAMESTOWN, N.Y.

DEAR PINING: What you're looking for is the realization of a high school fantasy, but what you're more likely in for is a cold dose of reality. Debra has moved on in her life, but you have not. You may have picked the wrong therapist or quit counseling too soon.

My advice is to stop trying to go back to high school and return to therapy before you waste any more time. You may have been spending far too much time living in the past. It's time to move on and start living in the here and now.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in regard to the letter from "Registered Voter in North Carolina" (Sept. 23). I never tell anyone who I voted for, not even my husband (even though I usually tell him everything). It's not that I don't want him to know, but we respect each other's rights to voting privacy. We have lots of discussions about the candidates and issues, and both research them together. We have similar political views, and through our discussions we pretty much "know" who the other voted for.

I hate when people ask me who I am voting for, and I always decline to state. My husband went to war to protect our rights -- including the right to privacy -- and more people should respect them. -- GLOVERSVILLE, N.Y., VOTER

DEAR VOTER: Thank you for writing. I was pleased to hear from a large number of readers also stressing the importance of exercising our freedom to vote. I am sure I don't have to remind everyone how important it is to vote in the Nov. 4 national election. This is a crucial time in our nation's history. Your vote will affect generations to come, so make your voices heard. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I say you should be proud of your candidate of choice and say it! If someone refuses to say who they voted for, to me it seems like that person is ashamed to admit he or she supported this candidate instead of that one. If someone asks me who I voted for, I gladly let them know. -- PROUD SUPPORTER IN COLUMBUS

DEAR ABBY: When asked, I say, "I voted for the person I want to win." If the questioner persists, I say, "I don't discuss politics. My doctor says my blood pressure is too high as it is." -- MIDDLE OF THE ROAD IN S.C.

DEAR ABBY: I answer that question by telling people I voted for "the president," because whoever wins, I will support and pray that he/she makes the best decisions for me. I believe no matter who wins we must work together to overcome the problems we face. -- JANE IN JACKSONS GAP, ALA.

DEAR ABBY: The quickest way to get people to drop the subject is to reply, "Isn't it great that we live in a country with private ballots, so we cannot be persecuted or nagged for who we vote for?" The nosy person generally changes the subject after that. -- U.S. CITIZEN, OXNARD, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I grew up in a household in which my parents sat on opposite sides of the political fence. My mother had a very tactful way of shutting down conversations about personal politics by responding calmly, "We have a secret ballot in this country for a reason." -- ERIN IN INDEPENDENCE, MO.

DEAR ABBY: I have a simple answer when pollsters or friends ask who I voted for (or will vote for). I say: "I don't even tell my husband that. That's why there are curtains on the voting booth." That usually shuts 'em up. -- ANNA IN ALTON, N.H.

DEAR ABBY: When I'm asked the same personal question, I lean in close and ask in a whisper, "Can you keep a secret?" Of course, they always say "yes." Then I back away and reply, "So can I!" -- VOTING IN HASTINGS, NEB.

DEAR ABBY: I tell people I don't care how anyone votes, as long as EVERYONE votes. Sadly, not everyone is fortunate enough to have that privilege. -- ALEXXIA IN FRANKFORT, ILL.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)