DEAR ABBY: Please help me. I wasn't sure how to handle an uncomfortable situation last Halloween, and your answer will help me be better prepared this year.

I took my 4-year-old daughter and 2-year-old niece trick-or-treating. We only walk up walkways that are well-lit. As we approached one house, an older gentleman was waiting at the open door, handing out candy to the kids.

Before I could process what was happening, he whipped out a camera and took a picture of my daughter and niece. I was not comfortable with it at all. But what could I have possibly done or said without being rude? Our neighborhood is a safe area, but in this day and age you can trust no one.

Do you think it was inappropriate for an older man to take pictures of someone's children? What would be the proper way to handle it this year? -- HALLOWEEN ESCORT, SAN DIEGO

DEAR ESCORT: While I admire your vigilance as a parent, if the children were wearing cute costumes, I don't think it was inappropriate for the gentleman to want to take their picture. Of course, it would have been better had this neighbor first asked permission. But since he didn't, and it made you uncomfortable, avoid his house this year and in the future.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for three years. His mother has become very ill and is dying. My problem is, I don't know how to comfort him in his time of need. I am trying my best to console him, but he gets angry. I try to love him, but he pushes me away. I try to talk to him and he tunes me out. What can I do to help my husband? -- HEARTBROKEN IN ARIZONA

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: You are a loving, caring wife, but please stop trying so hard to "help" your husband. Everyone must deal with death in his (or her) own way, and the things you think might console you may only make him feel worse.

What you can do is be there for him. Do not push him to express his feelings. If he wants to talk, listen. If he tunes you out, stop talking because it means he's not ready to hear what you're trying to communicate. Tell him you love him, but give him his space.

This may not be easy when all you want to do is put your arms around him right now, but please consider what I have said.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently promoted and now work closely with presidents, CIOs, CEOs and COOs and a lower-ranking member of an executive team. During meetings, some of these high-ranking individuals issue statements of fact that I know are incorrect.

I care deeply about this company, and I want a long and prosperous career here. How, when and to whom should I point out these errors for the good of the company? I have no desire to embarrass, hurt or make anyone look bad -- or to earn enemies. -- LITTLE FISH/BIG POND IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR LITTLE FISH: Frankly, much depends on the temperament of the executives with whom you're working. If the person is a self-important blowhard who needs to feel he or she is infallible, it might be better to keep your mouth shut. If, however, the misstatement could come back to embarrass the person at a later date -- or cause the team to lose credibility -- then correct him or her quietly and privately. To do otherwise could be perceived as trying to "one-up" the senior team member -- or worse, stab the person in the back.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My sister, "Shannon," and I had a major falling out years ago and I haven't spoken to her or her family since -- except briefly, when we had to make arrangements for our father's funeral three years ago. Shannon is 17 years older than me, married with two grown children. I'm perfectly OK with this arrangement. In fact, I prefer it, and I'm sure they do, too.

The problem is, I recently moved to the same county they live in and have run into several old acquaintances who have asked, "Aren't you Shannon's sister?" or, "How are your nieces doing? I heard one recently had a baby."

Abby, I no longer consider myself to be Shannon's sister. I have no idea how my nieces are or if one of them had a baby. How should I respond to these well-meaning people? If I tell them I no longer have contact with them, it will lead to questions I'd rather not answer. How do I politely deal with this without opening up my personal life for discussion? -- SHANNON'S FORMER SISTER

DEAR FORMER SISTER: When asked if you're Shannon's sister, say yes. If you're asked anything beyond that, say you are not close and if they have questions about the baby they should ask the niece who had it. You do not have to air any "dirty laundry." If you are asked other questions that make you uncomfortable, it is perfectly acceptable to smile, say you would rather not discuss it and change the subject.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 33 years. All my life I have been vehemently opposed to having a gun in our house. Our three boys didn't even have toy guns.

I just found out that my husband recently bought a handgun and hid it from me! His reason? "I wanted one." Needless to say, I am furious. Your thoughts, please. -- UNDER THE GUN IN MIAMI

DEAR UNDER THE GUN: A few come to mind. Before buying the gun, your husband should have had enough respect for your feelings to discuss it with you so some ground rules could be established. It would be interesting to know why, after all these years, he feels so vulnerable that he thinks he needs a gun in the house.

Also, if you haven't already done so, both you and your husband should take a gun safety course as a precaution against an accident. Check with the police department to see where they are offered so you will know how to safely store and handle the weapon.

It goes without saying that your husband should never point the gun at anyone unless he actually intends to use it -- a frightening thought in itself. If your home should be burglarized and the gun stolen, the chances are great that it will be used for criminal activity. If your husband can live with that, then so be it.

DEAR ABBY: At school last year there was this guy that I really liked. He was just a friend then, but now I realize that I really like him!

We ride the school bus together, so while we were on the bus I asked him for his phone number. He said, "I don't think so. MORE time for you to bug me?" Now what do I do? -- DOWN-HEARTED IN TROUTMAN, N.C.

DEAR DOWN-HEARTED: Recognize that the object of your affection may not be ready for a girlfriend, or may be interested in someone else. When someone tells you "more time for you to bug me," it's time to take three giant steps back and direct your attention elsewhere. This may not be easy to do, but it will save you hours of heartache. Trust me.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Unbelievable as it may seem, this actually happened. I was in the ladies' room in my office building when a woman came in talking on her cell phone. She went into the stall next to mine and continued carrying on a conversation throughout her visit -- even while washing her hands!

I have mentioned this to several people. They say they have encountered the same situation in restrooms, too. Abby, how would you suggest we handle this in the future? -- SOME THINGS ARE SACRED IN MARYLAND

DEAR SOME THINGS ARE SACRED: I shouldn't have to say this, but using a cell phone while going to the bathroom is extremely inappropriate. While the desire not to interrupt a conversation is understandable, to talk while the background noise is reminiscent of an old Alka Seltzer jingle is not only an invasion of the privacy of the occupants of the adjacent stalls, but also disrespectful to the party on the other end of the line.

How to handle it? Ask the offender to please stop. However, for some people the most effective lesson in consideration for others may be when their cell phone falls into the toilet and must be replaced.

DEAR ABBY: My 4-year-old son, "Blaine," is well-mannered. He knows to take his hat off indoors, and opens doors for people (when they are not too heavy for him). However, Blaine sometimes forgets to say "please" and "thank you."

When my son and I are out and someone gives him something -- like a cookie at the bakery -- if Blaine forgets and I prompt him, the person sometimes will say, "Oh, it's OK. He doesn't have to say thank you." It's very important to me that my son have good manners and always use those words. How should I respond to those who insist that it's not a big deal for children not to use their manners? -- STRICT MOTHER IN DEERFIELD, MASS.

DEAR MOTHER: I applaud you for teaching your son basic good manners, a lesson that will serve him well throughout his lifetime.

When someone tells you Blaine doesn't "have to" say please or thank you, speak up and correct the person by saying: "Oh, yes he does. 'Please' and 'thank you' are magic words in our family, and it's important that my son always remember to say them." Do this not for the adult's benefit, but in order to reinforce the lesson to Blaine.

DEAR ABBY: "Curious in the Sunbelt" (July 16) asked you if it was inconsiderate to knit or crochet while attending a meeting or other gathering. (You said it was.) While it may seem that someone can't give undivided attention to a speaker while doing something with his/her hands, that person might have Attention Deficit Disorder or be a "kinesthetic" learner. While most people absorb information through seeing and hearing, some actually need to keep their hands occupied in order to listen.

Literature on "multiple intelligences" and other learning theories support this view -- and as a former classroom teacher and current psychotherapist, I have personal experience about this reality. As long as the individual is quiet and not terribly distracting, consider this behavior a better alternative than constant fidgeting. -- JAELLINE JAFFE, Ph.D., SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DR. JAFFE: Thank you for your professional expertise regarding learning theories. I also heard from a pilot who knits while flying an airplane and a woman who pointed out that if knitting was good enough for Eleanor Roosevelt during United Nations Security Council meetings, it was good enough for her. Most readers agreed that if the individual is not disruptive to others, then what's the harm? I stand corrected.

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