DEAR ABBY: I am in my 70s, on Social Security and in my second marriage. My wife, "Irene," is in her early 50s and holds a good job. She also holds the purse strings, and allows me $5 a week for coffee with my friends. I drive a little scooter, and Irene has given me a gas credit card so I can get around.

Last week, I told her that I need some underwear and asked her for her store credit card. She said she has a drawer full of nylon panties and that I should wear them instead. She said when they are worn out she will buy me some new men's underwear. She also said she didn't want to waste any money on me since the panties are still wearable.

What if someone finds out? Irene says that since I'm over 70 it doesn't matter. Do you think this is right? -- PREFERS BRIEFS

DEAR PREFERS BRIEFS: No, I do not think it is right. Regardless of your age, your feelings matter a great deal. You should wear underwear in which you feel comfortable without having to worry about anyone "finding out."

Because your wife is so tight-fisted, please consider finding a part-time job so you will have spending money of your own. Your wife may be the wage earner in the family, but that doesn't mean she should be the only one "wearing the pants."

DEAR ABBY: Yesterday I ordered a taco salad and an iced tea at a popular fast food restaurant. I sat down and proceeded to eat when I noticed a couple sitting on one side of a table. Neither of them was skinny. Another couple joined them, and the women began staring at me.

I am 55 years old and 250 pounds. They were over 35 and plus-sized themselves. They may have been thinking my meal was inappropriate because of my size, but they were no different from me. I packed up my food and ate in my car. Was there a better solution? -- SALAD LOVER IN OHIO

DEAR SALAD LOVER: Yes, you should have remained at your table and enjoyed your meal. The people at the next table were in that fast food restaurant for the same reason you were.

Some folks stare because there is a lull in the conversation and they have zoned out. If you were certain they were looking AT you instead of THROUGH you, another way to have handled it would have been to have made eye contact, smiled and said, "Do I know you?"

DEAR ABBY: I helped raise my husband's son, "Scott," from the age of 9 to his present age of 19. I devoted my energy, love, money and time to all his activities, while his own mother sat by and did next to nothing to participate in any of it.

Scott has now become "best friends" with his mom, and I am all but forgotten. The way he treats me now, you would have thought that I'd beaten him with a stick. If I had it to do over again, I would never have stepped into that family situation.

Thank goodness Scott has moved out. His dad and I are having the time of our lives. I hope there is a special place in heaven for good stepmoms, because I have gotten no credit at all. -- IGNORED IN OREGON

DEAR IGNORED: I know you feel hurt and angry right now, but the story isn't over yet. Regardless of how little your husband's ex gave to their son, she is still Scott's mother. You have been a generous and loving friend to that young man, and I am sure your husband loves you all the more for your caring heart.

So enjoy your second honeymoon and realize that Scott still has some growing up to do. This will probably sort itself out. But if it doesn't, you will be able to go forward knowing you did the right thing and so will the man you love.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Once again, e-mails are flying at record speed with "information" about the Democratic or Republican candidates. I am not talking about the funny ones that are meant in good humor, but serious, derogatory accusations.

Can you please explain to me why friends would just assume that I want to read their forwarded messages? Not once has any of them asked who I'm voting for. They have never even asked which party I belong to.

I believe that politics and religion are personal choices, and I'm extremely offended when I receive these e-mails. I have ignored them in the past, but with the upcoming election, I'm asking what would be an appropriate response to these unwanted e-mails. Isn't freedom of choice -- without having people ram their opinion down your throat -- what has made America great? Thanks for any light on this subject. -- HENDERSON, NEV., VOTER

DEAR VOTER: The individuals who send those offensive e-mails may be hoping to sway your vote with misinformation. Or they may have you on a mass e-mail list included as a "friend" or "family member."

Feeling as you do, you have two choices. Tell the sender that you feel the messages are inappropriate and ask to be removed from that person's list, or simply delete the message without opening it.

DEAR ABBY: My sister, "Carole," has been saying for five years that she's going to kill herself when she's 65. She lives alone, her children are grown and she has a limited income. She told me she wants to go while she is in possession of her faculties. She doesn't want to get sick and die in a nursing home.

Of course I have tried to talk her out of it, but as the years have progressed, I realize that Carole is serious. She has been tying up loose ends and fixing up her house so that her daughter will inherit something nice.

Carole refuses counseling and actually seems happier since making her decision. Sometimes, after one of our deep discussions, she almost has me convinced that I'm a fool for not wanting to follow her path.

This is her last year, and I'm feeling increasingly anxious. I wonder if there isn't an avenue I haven't yet explored. Carole is pretty, healthy, walks with a jaunt in her step and holds a good job. I have talked to a suicide-prevention counselor who said some people can't be stopped and that it's no crime to THINK about suicide. Any ideas? -- SISTER WITH A HEAVY HEART

DEAR SISTER: Has anyone pointed out to Carole that 65 is the new 45? I can understand the concept of rational suicide if someone is terminally ill and in constant pain, but to go in the full flower of life strikes me as premature.

You say your sister has spoken to you about this for the past several years. How do her children feel about it? Surely, this can't have their blessing.

I can't "save" Carole and neither can you -- but it occurs to me that the reason she really wants to go is because she has nothing that keeps her invested in living. Even if she doesn't value her own life, she needs to know that others do.

P.S. People can be committed for observation if they are considered a danger to themselves or others -- and your sister may qualify.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: A few weeks ago, I returned home after mowing the lawn at my mother's place and parked my truck behind my house. I left the lawnmower and a 5-gallon can of gas in the bed of my truck and went into the house for a drink of water. When I returned, the gas can was missing.

I bought another can, filled it with gas and added 2 pounds of sugar. Again, I parked my truck in the same spot with the gas can visible. An hour later, it too had disappeared.

A short while later, I noticed a neighbor's son and his friends pushing his car up the street. They said they had "engine problems." My wife thinks what I did was wrong and that I should offer to pay for this lad's engine repairs. What do you think? -- "A-GASSED" IN ILLINOIS

DEAR "A-GASSED": I disagree with your wife. What if the boys had another kind of engine problem and this was just a coincidence? I'm sure whoever stole your gas got an expensive lesson. Let's hope it also saved them from a life of crime.

DEAR ABBY: Please help with a question about Halloween trick-or-treating etiquette. What do you do when the parents of the children who are trick-or-treating present you with their own candy collection bag? This happened to me several times last year.

Some of the adults said they were collecting for a child who wasn't there or for infants and toddlers in strollers. Others didn't even offer a reason, even after I asked them what their "costume" was supposed to be. Thanks for your input, Abby. -– KATHLEEN B., SPRINGFIELD, MASS.

DEAR KATHLEEN: While Halloween is supposed to be a holiday for children, many teens and adults enjoy the idea of free candy and trick-or-treating, too. In years past my doorbell has been rung by revelers who looked so old I was tempted to offer them a martini.

As I see it, you have two choices: Buy enough candy to go around, or turn off all the lights and hide. In my experience, it's better to do the former.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a man with post-traumatic stress disorder. He takes anti-depressants and sleeping meds, and has for many years. Because he fought on the front lines in Vietnam, he deals with nightmares related to PTSD.

He loves me and wants to marry me, but I worry because his first three marriages didn't work. I care about this man, but I'm a little scared of the future and how his PTSD will affect us. What should I do? -- LOVES MY VET

DEAR LOVES: I assume that because your boyfriend is on anti-depressants and sleeping medication, he is also under a doctor's care. Has he also received psychiatric treatment for his PTSD?

While this question may seem obvious, I'm sad to say that some soldiers from as far back as WWII "slipped through the cracks" and suffered their entire lives with night terrors and difficulty forming close relationships because they never received the treatment they needed. If your boyfriend hasn't received professional help, insist that he get it -- because unless he does, yours will be failed marriage No. 4.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)