DEAR ABBY: Our financial adviser, "Wally," who has managed our finances for a number of years, sent us a letter asking us to donate to a charity he is starting.

We feel like we are being held hostage because he knows how much money we have and how we spend it. We feel Wally has crossed the line of professionalism. What do you think, and what should we do? -- SOLICITED IN OHIO

DEAR SOLICITED: You are entitled to your feelings, and here's how to handle it. Write Wally a small check for his new charity and enclose with it a short note wishing him success with his newfound cause. Close by telling him that everyone has causes that are close to their hearts -- including you and your husband -- and because you know this one is important to him, you are sending him a ONE-TIME donation. If he solicits you after that, find another financial adviser.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 15 and live with my mom. We often paint our nails. The problem is, my mom shakes the nail polish worse than anyone. I heard recently that shaking a bottle of nail polish creates air bubbles and makes the polish thinner. (This came from a professional manicurist.) But my mom won't believe me. She thinks this professional is crazy. Can you please tell everyone that there is a reason why you never see manicurists shake their bottles? It's a horrible habit, and it drives me nuts. -- PEEVED IN GREENVILLE, N.C.

DEAR PEEVED: Before judging your mother so harshly, you might be wise to talk to more than one professional manicurist about what causes bubbles. I have seen many professional manicurists shake the bottles of polish before applying it to their clients. And I have been told that applying polish that is not fresh, or applying it too thickly can cause it to bubble.

DEAR ABBY: The letters I see you print about "acts of kindness" always give me a lift, so I thought I'd tell you about mine.

I was nine months pregnant and had a few errands to run -- taking some clothes to the Laundromat, cashing my husband's paycheck, etc.

While I was transferring my laundry from the washing machine to the dryer, I turned around to find that my purses, detergent and a magazine I had been reading were all missing. I frantically searched everywhere, including the trash bins inside and outside. Because I had just cashed the paycheck, the thieves got away with almost $600 in cash.

A woman who had just walked in and witnessed my frantic search, came over and handed me $20 to "get by." Being stressed out and hormonal, I was floored by her kind gesture and started to cry. She gave me a big hug, and her kindness got me through the day.

I went into labor that night and gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl. I will never forget the woman's gentle nature, or the fact that even though I was victimized by someone who couldn't miss the fact that I was extremely pregnant, I also encountered an act of kindness. I hope she knows what a difference she made and that I still remember her, 15 years later. -- CHRISTY IN GREELEY, COLO.

DEAR CHRISTY: Considering the fact that you not only got a hug and $20, but also a priceless bundle of joy from heaven, I'd have to say you came out a winner that day, wouldn't you?

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Andrew" for five years. I consider him to be my best friend. We have known each other for six years. I am 38, and Andrew is 33.

My problem is Andrew thinks I'm 34. I didn't exactly tell him my true age way back when, and he believes I am four years younger than I actually am.

We want children, and I know that this is the time to come clean. But I'm not sure how my husband will react when he hears the news, and I'm afraid he may leave me. I have prayed about this, and it seems the best course is the truth. What should I do? -- YOUNGER THAN MY YEARS

DEAR YOUNGER: It would be better to tell your husband the truth while your biological clock is still ticking, rather than wait until the alarm goes off and your ovaries shut down. Because you want to start a family, this is something you need to also discuss with your gynecologist because a pregnancy after the age of 35 can be considered "high risk," and age can also have an impact on a woman's ability to conceive. If Andrew loves you, I doubt that he'll leave you -- but if you lied on your marriage license, you committed fraud, and he may have the grounds to do so.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 15, and class pictures are coming soon -- again. I think I look better in photographs when I am not smiling. If I don't smile for my school picture, though, the photographers make a fuss over it and insist upon taking it over and over until I give in and smile. I explain why I don't like to smile for pictures, but they won't listen. What can I say to them that will get them to let me look the way I want in my pictures?

By the way, my parents don't care what my school picture looks like because we get professional portraits done as a family each year. -- "SAY CHEESE" IN FOLSOM, CALIF.

DEAR "SAY CHEESE": The only thing worse than a scowl is a smile that looks forced. If you prefer not to open your mouth and "grin," that should be your privilege.

There is a compromise you can strike. For a more pleasant expression without "smiling," just lift the corners of your eyes and mouth a quarter of an inch. (Try it in front of a mirror.) That's what I recommend you do this year.

DEAR ABBY: Please help. My husband of 52 years is going deaf, but he refuses to get a hearing aid. He claims we don't have the money. (Not true.) I have to tell him everything two or three times, and it's making me crazy. Sometimes he'll misquote something our pastor said in church, and I have to tell him he heard it wrong. What can I do? -- LOSING MY SANITY IN GEORGIA

DEAR LOSING YOUR SANITY: When the senses begin to erode, it is not uncommon for the person to go into denial. Contact your husband's doctor, explain what's going on and tell him or her that your husband needs to be evaluated by an audiologist. At his next annual physical, his doctor should refer him to one. That's when you should assert yourself and not let him "forget" the appointment.

A hearing aid may -- or may not -- be the solution to your husband's problem, but the cost of a hearing aid would be a small price to pay to save your sanity.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: From time to time you have mentioned how to order "Please Call Police" banners in your column. They are not only a wonderful idea, but also an effective way to assist people with disabilities -- a concept that has become meaningful to me since turning 88 last January.

Last winter the power went out and my cell phone charger stopped working. All my phones were dead. Lucky for me, the power came back on in my area by noon, but it didn't in other areas. It can be alarming when we can no longer take charge in these emergencies. My sister checks on me, but when the phone lines went out, the message said "line busy," so she didn't know there was a problem.

I live in a mobile home park where folks take care of each other when we can. I called my neighbor across the street to tell him which window I will put my banner in if I need help, and he asked me if I would order one for him and possibly some for our other neighbors. Thank you for this service, Abby. If you print the ordering information again, it will help a lot of other folks. -- ELIZABETH IN COLORADO

DEAR ELIZABETH: I'm glad to oblige. Every year that I have mentioned the "Please Call Police" banners, readers have sent me testimonials relating how handy they can be to have. People usually order two at a time -- one for the windshield and another for the rear window of their cars -- and keep them in the glove compartment.

This year, in addition to the banners and Mylar blankets, reusable "green" cloth shopping bags (for the ecology-minded) are also being offered. These are ideal for all your daily needs, including marketing.

The items are offered by the Westside Center for Independent Living, a nonprofit organization that helps people with disabilities to live more independent lives. For a $4 contribution, you can order one banner, one Mylar blanket or one "green" (cloth) shopping bag from WCIL Banner, P.O. Box 92501, Los Angeles, CA 90009. (Please include an additional $2 per total order for postage and handling to each address and allow 4 to 6 weeks for delivery.) For more information and secure ordering online, visit � HYPERLINK "http://www.wcil.org" �www.wcil.org� and click on "Police Banners," "Emergency Blankets" or "Green Bags."

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have decided to sell our house and move south. We plan to purchase a mobile home. I asked our adult children what they thought of our decision.

One son made a quick trip home. Most of what he had to say pertained to issues from the past. One remark stung: He said that my husband and I had not showered or used deodorant on the day of my mother's funeral. True, we didn't shower that morning, but we had the night before. Because we depend on well water and had three extra people in the house, we wouldn't have had enough for all five of us to get a warm shower. We did use deodorant and cologne, and my husband put on aftershave.

We were crushed by our son's comment. I no longer wish to be an overnight guest in his home because I know they will be watching my every move. I would be preoccupied with worry about whether I have body odor. I love my son and our daughter-in-law, but the thought of being around them now makes me uncomfortable. -- NOT A SMELLY MOTHER

DEAR NOT: Your son was obviously angry with you and his father when he made that trip to see you. Could it have been because he felt that the house should be a part of his inheritance? Whether or not you bathed or showered on the morning of your mother's funeral is, frankly none of your son's business. What doesn't pass the "sniff test" is that he would throw it up to you at this late date.

I don't blame you for feeling reluctant to be a houseguest in your son's home, nor should you, until he displays a serious attitude adjustment and offers the apology you are due.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)