DEAR ABBY: I was engaged for 18 months to "Jerry," a man I wanted to marry. We become engaged after dating for six months, but we had known each other three years before becoming romantically involved.

A few weeks ago, Jerry announced that he wants to end our engagement because he is going through a "selfish period" in his life and wants to be able to go out without feeling guilty.

I believe Jerry is seeing someone else, but he is adamant that this is only for him -- his chance to be independent. He said he wants me to give him a chance to possibly rekindle our relationship in a year. I don't know if I'm willing to do that. Any advice? -- BROKENHEARTED IN PHOENIX

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: Yes. It appears your former fiance is commitment-phobic. Whether Jerry is seeing someone or not is beside the point. He wants to be free to look around, and if he can't "do any better" in a year he may "possibly" come back -- or not. (Give him marks for honesty!)

My advice is to consider this romance a thing of the past. Use the next 12 months to do some serious looking around yourself. If by chance you're still available -- and willing -- when Jerry is "possibly" ready to rekindle the relationship, do so ONLY if he agrees to complete a course of couples counseling with you. Unless you do, this man will break your heart again.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 11-year-old girl. My mommy was diagnosed with MS a few months ago. I would like to help the hospital raise money to find a cure to fix her and others like her.

Ten percent of my bat mitzvah money is going to find a cure for MS. My sister says it's a stupid idea because if there was a cure they would have already found one. Do you think I'm doing the right thing? -- WANTS TO FIX MOMMY

DEAR WANTS: You're doing a wise and wonderful thing. If the medical community thought the way your sister does, they would still be hitting people on the head with rocks in order to anesthetize them for surgery, and none of the miraculous medical advances of the last 100 years would have come about. The answer to diseases like your mother's lies in research -- and research costs money. Please don't let yourself be intimidated. Your instincts are excellent.

DEAR ABBY: Every three or four months I am invited to spend a night at my married daughter's home.

While I am sitting at the breakfast table having my morning cereal, her husband will walk in, fix his coffee and cereal, then take it back into the bedroom, leaving me alone. I mentioned it to my daughter. She said that's his routine. I think it's rude, and I don't feel like visiting anymore. I can have coffee alone in my own home. Any suggestions? -- ONE UNHAPPY MOM

DEAR UNHAPPY MOM: Surely you aren't spending the night at your daughter's in order to be entertained by your son-in-law in the morning. Unless he avoids you in the evenings too, accept that he isn't a morning person and read the newspaper or turn on the news. But please don't pout. It's an unattractive habit.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been a poll worker for years. I would appreciate it if you would print this important advice to voters:

Before Election Day, voters should check the sample ballot they receive in the mail for their precinct number and the location of their polling place. Polling places can change for a variety of reasons. Often several voting precincts are housed in one location. If a person goes to the wrong location -- perhaps because they have voted there before -- it can take considerable time and effort to direct the person correctly. Nearly all these problems would be avoided if people read the information on the sample ballot and brought it with them on Election Day.

Also, the voting booth is not the place to review and make decisions about the candidates and issues. This should be done in advance (another reason for the sample ballot). The booth is for one purpose: to mark your ballot. It is inconsiderate to occupy the space for an extended period of time, especially near closing time.

Poll workers have an extremely long day, arriving an hour before polls open, and often working for hours more after the polls close. A prepared voter makes a great contribution to making the election process a positive one for all concerned. -- CALIFORNIA POLL WORKER

DEAR POLL WORKER: Thank you for writing. Because the turnout for this year's national election is sure to be one for the record books, your message is a timely one.

Now, allow me to share one of my own: There is usually a shortage of people willing to volunteer as poll workers. For those interested in serving, your county registrar of voters, local election board or its equivalent is the place to sign up. The number is listed in the "Government" section of your local phone book. I was a poll worker years ago, and found the experience was both interesting and fun -- and also a great way to meet practically every other single person in the precinct.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Nick," and I have been married five years. Two years ago, his 18-year-old son molested my 7-year-old daughter. It tore our family apart and we are going through a divorce.

Nick is an alcoholic and an enabler. He paid all his son's bills and even sent him money when he was in jail. My problem is, I still love my husband. However, I know that under the circumstances we would always have problems.

How can I make Nick understand that the drinking and taking care of his son after what he did is what really tore us apart? And how do I move forward? -- TRYING TO MOVE FORWARD

DEAR TRYING: If you haven't been able to make your husband understand what ended the marriage by now, you may never be able to. Until he dries out, nothing will sink in because he won't be able to retain the information.

You must move forward one step at a time with the full understanding that you are doing so in order to protect your little girl from her predatory former stepbrother. No one said it would be easy, but your child is depending on you. Her welfare must come first.

Believe me, I sympathize with you. But you are doing the right thing.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am writing regarding the letter from "Sniffled Out in Indiana" (July 18), who complained about the noises her co-worker made throughout the day. True, her co-worker may suffer from an allergy or chronic post-nasal drip, but it is also possible that he has Tourette syndrome. This is a neurological disorder, the symptoms of which can include excessive throat-clearing, sniffling and other vocalizations (verbal tics), as well as eye-blinking, facial-grimacing and shoulder-shrugging (physical tics).

Most people know only the stereotypical Tourette image they see presented on TV shows and in the movies of someone shouting, cursing and thrashing about. The average person usually does not realize that most people with TS suffer from mild symptoms that are often misinterpreted as "annoying habits." This lack of understanding and education about Tourette syndrome on the part of the general public is one of the greatest obstacles for people who have this condition. -- JILL IN TITUSVILLE, N.J.

DEAR JILL: Thank you for educating me -- and, by extension, my readers. You and the other individuals who took the time to write have taught me some things I didn't know. Among them, that the Tourette Syndrome Association is a reliable resource for learning about this often misunderstood subject. Its Web site is www.tsa-usa.org. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My son has Tourette. Any uncontrollable, repetitive sound or movement can be a sign of it. If people ask my son why he does what he is doing or have comments about it, he will explain what it is and that he can't control it.

If a person with Tourette is asked about it, he or she can "stop" it for a while because he or she is concentrating. But once the person's attention is diverted elsewhere -- such as by work or TV -- it can start again.

I hope "Sniffled Out" will help her co-worker. It's possible he does just need tissues and some medicine, but if it's Tourette, he will need her help. It's difficult to be a part of a group when you know you're annoying them. -- OPEN-MINDED IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR ABBY: The fact that her co-worker could suppress his symptoms for a time could mean the person has a form of Tourette syndrome. Tourette syndrome consists of both vocal and motor tics lasting more than six months.

Treatments are available, including medication and cognitive behavioral therapy (among others) that have been shown to be very helpful for some patients. However, other people's acceptance and understanding is perhaps the most important factor in their improvement. -- JOEL P. SUSSMAN, M.D., COLUMBIA, S.C.

DEAR ABBY: You and your readers should know that Tourette syndrome is a protected disability under the Americans With Disabilities Act, and requesting that he "stop it" would be discriminatory. His co-workers may not know about it because he isn't required to disclose his disability to them, nor can his supervisor, if he wishes it to remain confidential. No one should assume that it's a bad habit. Trust me in stating that a Tourette sufferer truly wishes it was, because bad habits can be broken -- tics cannot. -- T.S. MOM IN TEXAS

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)