DEAR ABBY: I wrote your mother back in 1985, asking her to encourage my eighth-grade students to establish the wonderful habit of reading. My letter was published in The Portland Oregonian.

I still teach eighth-graders, but now I do it in California. It has been 23 years since your mother wrote my students about the importance of reading.

Today we have computers, text messaging and cell phones. It's a different world now, but reading is still important. Would you write a couple of paragraphs about the joys of reading in your column? Your advice will be heeded by my students and many other students in the country who read your column. Kids relate to celebrities, and you are definitely famous. Thank you for your help. -- RAY SMYTHE, PALM SPRINGS, CALIF.

DEAR RAY AND DEAR STUDENTS: I'm glad to oblige. For anyone who doesn't already know, books are magic! Crack open a book and you will be instantly transported into the past, propelled into the future or, if you choose, escape into a world of fantasy. The options are endless.

But while history, science fiction, mysteries and romance provide a wealth of diversion, reading provides far more than just an escape. The greatest ideas of our most gifted thinkers lie between the covers of books waiting for you to discover them. And don't be put off if the books are labeled "classics." That word means only that they have been enjoyed by every single generation who has read them.

Reading is also a vital skill. Perusing a newspaper or doing research online, in addition to expanding your mind, can also be your transport to a successful future. And there is no more effective way to learn to write than by reading.

P.S. If this skill does not come easily for you, remember that libraries offer classes in literacy. There is no shame in needing extra help in learning to read, regardless of your age. The only shame is in not admitting it so you can get the help you need.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 28-year-old wife and mother. I love my family very much and do not lack the essentials in life. But I can't help feeling my house isn't clean enough, my home isn't good enough and I'm not good enough. Nothing in my life is up to my standards.

I see people all around me who have all of these wonderful things. They travel and have fun. I have nothing of any real worth, and I can't remember the last time I truly had fun.

I don't want to take anti-depressants to cover the problem; I want to feel better. I have considered hiring a life coach to help me find the basis for my feelings, but I am not sure if coaching is for real or where to find it. I do not live in a large city, and money is limited. I want to feel like I, and the things in my life, are enough. Help! –- INSUFFICIENT IN WYOMING

DEAR "INSUFFICIENT": It's a huge mistake to compare what you have to what others do, because you will always find people who have more. True happiness comes from within, not from outside yourself. Travel, fun and possessions are not the nitty-gritty of life. You already have the most important things in life -– a loving and healthy family.

Rather than looking for a "life coach" -– a field that is not yet licensed -– I strongly recommend you look in another direction. Your spiritual adviser would be an excellent place to start, or a licensed mental health professional who can help you put yourself back on track.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently lost my wife to a long illness. When she could no longer work, I tried to give her the best quality of life I could. It took a toll. I worked long hours to give her everything she needed. The medical bills were astronomical. All she ever wanted was me.

I was always the macho type, and "I love you" was always hard for me to say. (I'm a real tough guy.) Well, this tough guy would give anything for one more chance to say it.

She died so suddenly, it was like it wasn't real. For the first couple of weeks I threw myself into work and thought I could handle it. When the death certificate arrived in the mail, that's when I fell apart.

I feel guilty because I was gone so much. I miss her terribly. Sometimes the loneliness is so bad it feels like someone is standing on my chest.

Abby, I would like to remind all the other macho guys out there that TIME is something you only get so much of. It is precious, but unfortunately, limited. I realized, too late, that it's not enough that my wife "knew" I loved her. I should have told her more often. I know now that "I wish I would have," "I know I should have," and "If I had just one more chance" are the worst things in the world to hear yourself say when it is already too late.

PLEASE tell your spouse you love her or him. You never know if the last time you say it might be the last time you get the chance. -– TOO LATE IN TENNESSEE

DEAR TOO LATE: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the death of your wife. Your letter makes clear the depth of the loss you are feeling. Although true lovers never get enough of each other, I am sure she understood the strain you were under and that you loved her.

Readers, this gentleman's letter carries with it an important message. "I love you" is the sweetest music a person can hear. Bouquets of flowers smell the sweetest when they are in the hands of the recipient, not stacked by her (or his) casket. And praise is most appreciated when it can be heard by the person who has earned it, not when it's recited in a eulogy after he or she has passed. So speak up now, before it truly is too late.

DEAR ABBY: I am the oldest of three sisters. The youngest has always been the overachiever. She graduated from high school and college early, was the first to be married, and she's having the first baby in the family.

I have demonstrated my pride in my sister by attending all her celebrations. I have sent gifts, helped to organize not only parties, but also her wedding and baby showers.

I recently announced to my mother and middle sister that I am planning to be married, assuming we would all share the excitement we did for my sister. Not only did they show a complete lack of interest in my milestone, they immediately changed the subject to my sister's baby shower. I cannot help but feel hurt by this. Is the first milestone in a family more celebrated than the others that follow? -– COMING IN SECOND IN ATLANTA

DEAR SECOND: I don't blame you for feeling slighted. It appears your sister is the "golden child" in your family. Because your mother and sibling appear hypnotized by the glare of her spotlight, you may have to find your validation outside your immediate family -– from friends and your fiance's family. I recommend you start now.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently married "Matt," the man of my dreams. We want to have children someday. Although I love Matt, I do not love the other men in his family -- specifically his father and his brothers. I'm worried about the negative influence they may have on our children.

These people swear and make racist comments and jokes in front of their children. Matt has spoken to them about it in front of me, but it hasn't stopped them or altered the way they act.

I'm an adult. I understand that these people haven't had the same educational opportunities and positive parental guidance that I was fortunate enough to have, but I worry about the influence they may have on our children. I don't want to ruin my husband's relationship with his family, but if they won't cut out the comments, I don't see how I can allow them to be a part of our children's lives. Please help. -– DISTRESSED NEW WIFE IN VERMONT

DEAR NEW WIFE: I don't know how tied into this family your husband is, but it may not be possible to totally separate your children from their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins -– unless you plan to move across the country. Obviously, you married the "pick of the litter."

Please keep in mind that every family has its own standards of what is acceptable and what isn't, and yours will be no exception. You will educate your children to a higher level, and reinforce the qualities you and your husband feel are important not only by modeling good behavior for them and praising them when they emulate it, but also by pointing out what is unacceptable and telling them why. It's a more effective way to teach children their values rather than isolating them.

DEAR ABBY: A dear friend, "Claudia," is flying across the state to stay with me and my fiance for a long weekend. She asked if she could borrow my vehicle to visit a couple of her relatives, and I agreed. However, I have since learned that Claudia plans to visit more relatives during that weekend than the two she mentioned. I am now hesitant about loaning her my car.

The relatives she plans to visit don't live close by. They live an hour away from us. Claudia has offered to pay for the gas, but it's the wear and tear on my car that worries me. It's an older model.

Would it be unreasonable for me to tell her that she needs to rent a vehicle if she plans on visiting so many relatives so far away? Also, am I wrong in thinking that if you say you are coming to visit a friend, you should spend the majority of your time with her, and not running around visiting everyone else? -- HESITANT HOSTESS IN IDAHO

DEAR HESITANT HOSTESS: No, you're not wrong. Aside from the wear and tear on your car, what you're really objecting to is being used as a jumping-off place while Claudia traipses around. By all means tell her to rent a vehicle during her visit. Before agreeing to loan your car, you should have checked your insurance policy. It's possible that if some kind of mishap occurred while she was at the wheel, you would not be covered.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)