DEAR ABBY: I am a 50-year-old woman, soon to marry my longtime partner, "Julie," in San Francisco. We have the blessing of her family.
Although Julie and I have always gotten along well with my elderly mom, we have not yet told her that we are a couple because we are not sure she understands and accepts gay relationships.
Our friends feel Mom deserves the benefit of the doubt and should be included in this important event in her daughter's life. If she can't adapt, so be it -– but at least she'd know. Besides, my friends say she'll find out anyway, sooner or later, and be hurt and angry to have been excluded. What should we do, Abby? –- BEWILDERED IN THE BAY AREA
DEAR BEWILDERED: Listen to your friends because they are right. If you and Julie have been partners for a "long time," the chances are great that your mother already knows the score. Give her the good news and the chance to stand up and be counted. You may be pleasantly surprised, and if you're not, at least you'll know where you stand. It's the honest thing to do, and we're decades removed from the era when someone's sexual orientation was a guilty secret.