DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-old girl who just entered the eighth grade. I have a few friends, but I often feel like I'm invisible. They never take the time to call me. I guess I could take the first step and call them, but I don't know what to say. I guess I'm a little shy.

I spent a long, miserable summer with no one to talk to. I want to change this before I start high school next year. I am noticing several cute guys in class. If I have so much trouble with my friendships with other girls, how am I ever going to get to know some of the guys I'm starting to like? How do I get them to notice me? I hate to think I'll just fade into the shadows. Can you help? -- ALONE AND SHY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ALONE AND SHY: The skills you're asking about take practice, and it might be of some comfort to know that, according to my mail, a third of the population is also afflicted to some degree with shyness. The surest way to overcome shyness is to understand that most people have the same feelings of insecurity and fear of not being liked that you do.

Rather than concentrating on yourself, focus on building the other person's confidence and self-esteem. My mother used to say there are two kinds of people in this world: those who walk into a room and their attitude says, "Here I am!" And those who walk into a room and their attitude says, "There you are!" The there-you-are type is always the most popular.

Because you're shy, focus yourself on interacting with others in a safe environment. Break the ice by asking someone in your class about a homework assignment. If you can't do it face-to-face, then do it on the phone. Or if you walk into a room and don't know anyone, don't wait for someone to approach you. Select someone who looks lost, approach him -- or her -- and say, "Hi, my name is 'Emma,' and I don't know a soul here. Do you?" You won't be sorry. It's not being pushy. It's being friendly.

Another thought: No matter how you feel about yourself, everyone can be charming. Charm, in a nutshell, is putting the other person at ease and making her (or him) feel comfortable and important. The charming person makes the effort to make others feel good about themselves. Forming the habit of making others feel good will make YOU popular to be around.

These suggestions -- and many others -- are included in my booklet "How to Be Popular: You're Never Too Young or Too Old." It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus a check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

Remember, people who are interested in others are a cinch to be welcomed -- and even sought out. So, even if you don't feel you are "perfect," or outgoing or talented, try being charming. It works like a charm.

DEAR ABBY: I was a little disappointed in your reply to "M.H. in L.A." (June 22) regarding roadside memorials. I know you feel they are a gesture of respect, but really, there's a time and place for everything. Memorials belong in cemeteries, not on our roadways.

My dear father was run over by a truck and killed. I would never dream of putting up a cross as a reminder of the place where he died. That was done at the cemetery the day we laid him to rest.

We need to celebrate life, not death. By creating roadside memorials we solidify the place of death, not the life the individual had. Also, the memorial becomes a constant reminder to first responders who must pass by that place every day. I have worked with a crisis response team in my county and was told by a 19-year-old firefighter who couldn't sleep that it was because of the body parts they had to pick up from the roadway. Why have visual reminders on the road to remind everyone of the worst day instead of the best days of the individual's life? -- SEEN AND HEARD TOO MUCH

DEAR SEEN AND HEARD: Readers were divided on this issue. Some find the memorials to be comforting. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I live in Japan, and often when people die, a small statue or flowers will be placed in their memory. It serves a twofold purpose. First, to remind others how lucky they are to have loved ones, and second, it serves as a warning to others to beware of hazards. -- AMERICAN IN JAPAN

DEAR ABBY: Please allow me to comment to "M.H. in L.A." There may not be a cemetery in which to pay your respects because some victims are cremated. Placement of the roadside memorial often reflects where the loved one spent his or her final moments. It is calming to go to the place where our loved one transitioned. I hope "M.H." will never have to encounter this sad experience. -- JUST A MOM

DEAR ABBY: I agree with "M.H." I think roadside memorials are overdone and unnecessary. If you wish to honor someone's memory, look into the adopt-a-highway program and put the person's name up for motorists to see. -- KANSAS CITY READER

DEAR ABBY: I felt the same as "M.H. in L.A." -- until 2004, when a dear friend of mine was killed by a drunk driver. Kit was a Boy Scouts of America professional on his way to do his duty for the youth of South Dakota. Kit was killed instantly, but his legacy lives on in the hearts of thousands of youths and adults who miss him to this day.

Every time I drive past his highway marker I wave to him and recite the Scout Oath, "On My Honor ..." -- GRIEVING RETIRED SCOUT EXECUTIVE

DEAR ABBY: You are absolutely correct that these spontaneous tributes can distract passing motorists. They are often on a dangerous part of the roadway that precipitated the fatality, and people stopping to place flowers and other tributes can lead to further fatalities. Better to do your grieving in a cemetery, lest you wind up a permanent resident in one yourself -- or worse, cause some other motorist to suffer the same fate. -- J.K., COLUMBIA, S.C.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 20 years old and had never been in love until recently. The only problem is, the man I fell for is married.

I knew "Craig" was married when I began talking to him at work. We have never "done" anything but talk, but sometimes that's all it takes. Craig was going through a separation, and we talked every day for hours at a time.

Now he doesn't want to talk at all. He says he needs time and doesn't want anyone to get hurt, but I am already hurt. I try to talk to him, but he doesn't respond. Craig is ignoring me now, and it's very painful. I have already fallen for him, and I am more than willing to wait, but each passing day it gets harder and harder.

Please advise me on what to do. Is love worth all the pain? -- HEARTBROKEN IN OHIO

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: I have news for you. Love isn't painful when the love object is the right person and the love is returned. What's painful is rejection.

Your mistake was allowing your attraction to Craig to overwhelm your good sense. He started talking to you when he was separated and vulnerable. But now he has made up his mind to make a go of his marriage. Accept it, and if necessary, find another job. It would be less painful than seeing him every day.

DEAR ABBY: I come from a family of big eaters who are not very health-conscious. They pride themselves on being exceptional cooks, and most of them are overweight.

Being younger and more active, I am thinner than most of my family members. I made a conscious choice to research weight loss and exercise so I could maintain a healthy lifestyle. However, this has caused my family to react with annoyance and hostility. They call me a "food snob" when I warn them about the risks they are taking with their food choices.

When I ask my broth er to drive me to a local track or swimming pool, he acts as if what I'm asking is ridiculous and stupid. What can I do to stop the condescending stares, snide remarks and enmity? -- LOOKING OUT FOR MYSELF IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LOOKING OUT: You deserve praise for "swimming against the tide" and changing your eating and exercise habits. It isn't easy to do when those around you are indulging in their "vices."

Please realize the path to clean and healthy living is one that each person must take individually. Every time you "warn" your family about their "risky" eating habits, it appears to them that you are being critical, and that is why they're reacting the way they do. Be less "helpful," and they will be less defensive.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our early 50s and starting to spend a lot of time traveling in our RV and staying in RV parks and campgrounds.

My question is about sex. With everyone so close, how do folks handle this? -- TWO FOR THE ROAD

DEAR T FOR THE R: I searched frantically for my manual on sex etiquette in RV communities, but seem to have misplaced it. However, to the best of my recollection, the way to "handle it" would be to find a spot to park your RV some distance away from the other vehicles, keep the windows shut and try to keep your voices down.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)