DEAR ABBY: I am 20 years old and had never been in love until recently. The only problem is, the man I fell for is married.

I knew "Craig" was married when I began talking to him at work. We have never "done" anything but talk, but sometimes that's all it takes. Craig was going through a separation, and we talked every day for hours at a time.

Now he doesn't want to talk at all. He says he needs time and doesn't want anyone to get hurt, but I am already hurt. I try to talk to him, but he doesn't respond. Craig is ignoring me now, and it's very painful. I have already fallen for him, and I am more than willing to wait, but each passing day it gets harder and harder.

Please advise me on what to do. Is love worth all the pain? -- HEARTBROKEN IN OHIO

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: I have news for you. Love isn't painful when the love object is the right person and the love is returned. What's painful is rejection.

Your mistake was allowing your attraction to Craig to overwhelm your good sense. He started talking to you when he was separated and vulnerable. But now he has made up his mind to make a go of his marriage. Accept it, and if necessary, find another job. It would be less painful than seeing him every day.

DEAR ABBY: I come from a family of big eaters who are not very health-conscious. They pride themselves on being exceptional cooks, and most of them are overweight.

Being younger and more active, I am thinner than most of my family members. I made a conscious choice to research weight loss and exercise so I could maintain a healthy lifestyle. However, this has caused my family to react with annoyance and hostility. They call me a "food snob" when I warn them about the risks they are taking with their food choices.

When I ask my broth er to drive me to a local track or swimming pool, he acts as if what I'm asking is ridiculous and stupid. What can I do to stop the condescending stares, snide remarks and enmity? -- LOOKING OUT FOR MYSELF IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LOOKING OUT: You deserve praise for "swimming against the tide" and changing your eating and exercise habits. It isn't easy to do when those around you are indulging in their "vices."

Please realize the path to clean and healthy living is one that each person must take individually. Every time you "warn" your family about their "risky" eating habits, it appears to them that you are being critical, and that is why they're reacting the way they do. Be less "helpful," and they will be less defensive.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our early 50s and starting to spend a lot of time traveling in our RV and staying in RV parks and campgrounds.

My question is about sex. With everyone so close, how do folks handle this? -- TWO FOR THE ROAD

DEAR T FOR THE R: I searched frantically for my manual on sex etiquette in RV communities, but seem to have misplaced it. However, to the best of my recollection, the way to "handle it" would be to find a spot to park your RV some distance away from the other vehicles, keep the windows shut and try to keep your voices down.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 39-year-old married man. "Lana" and I have been married 10 years. We deal with the usual problems (our son, jobs, money) as a team. I feel blessed to have married my best friend.

My job requires traveling. While seeing new things and meeting new people interest me, when I'm away from Lana and our young son, I suffer from extreme separation anxiety.

Abby, it's not a trust issue. I trust Lana completely, and I know she is taking excellent care of our son. My problem is I miss them terribly. I cry every night that I'm away. When I call home, I break down. Lana understands this is how I am and doesn't judge me. She's always supportive.

Am I crazy? Is this normal? Other guys I know who travel appear to enjoy it. But if I look at a photo of Lana or our son while I'm away, I end up in tears. I don't want to be this way, but it has reached the point where I can't see myself traveling anymore for business. -- BAWLING AT THE AIRPORT

DEAR BAWLING: Your level of sadness and stress at being away from your wife and son is off the charts. This is something you should discuss with a licensed mental health professional because I am sure there is a reason for your feeling the way you do. With help you will find out what it is and learn to cope. Please start now so you can decide rationally whether or not it's time for a new career -- with all the sacrifice that it could entail.

DEAR ABBY: I am the proud mother of four beautiful daughters, ages 9, 16 months and a set of 4-month-old twins. They are lovely, well-behaved children. My problem is that strangers feel compelled to make comments, especially about the younger ones. They say things like, "Whoa! That's a lot of work! I'm glad I'm not you!" or, "You sure don't waste any time!" -- and my favorite, "Are you going to keep trying for a boy?"

How rude! They even say to my 9-year-old, "You must have a lot of work to do at home, helping your mom with all those babies." She hears it almost daily.

My child does not raise my babies, and no, I'm not trying for a boy! I hear these comments every time I step out the door with my kids. It's starting to get to me. What should I say to these people without being as rude as they are? -- NO DRAMA MAMA IN SACRAMENTO, CALIF.

DEAR NO DRAMA MAMA: Look them straight in the eye and say, "My children are my joy -- and no, I'm not trying for a boy." And when your daughter is asked if she's being exploited as child labor, she should reply, "No, I have too many other things I enjoy doing." It's sad that some people have so little sensitivity -- or common sense -- and forget that they cannot always say the first thing that pops into their heads.

DEAR ABBY: My family and I recently went to a hibachi restaurant for dinner. The chef was great and the food was OK. We enjoyed ourselves.

When the customers next to us left the table after their meal, the chef looked confused -- as if he were expecting a separate tip from the server's. I have never tipped a chef separately. Is that wrong? -- SHELLI IN BROOKLYN

DEAR SHELLI: If the chef was cooking your meal to order, then he (or she) should have received a gratuity separate and apart from your server. It is never "wrong" to tip someone who gives you good service -- at least not here in the United States.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I married my high school sweetheart at 18 and put off college to start the family that we always wanted. Nine years later, we have three beautiful daughters.

My husband has a great job with a good salary. I have never had to work, but now I feel totally dependent on him. I have expressed my feelings to him about wanting a career. He tells me I already have one -- taking care of the family. He says I need to be at home with them.

Abby, I feel like I should get out of the house and start a career of my own so my daughters don't think their place in the world is to be only a stay-at-home mommy. Don't get me wrong, I love being with and taking care of my girls. But am I doing long-term damage to them by being so dependent on their father for everything? -- TEXAS MOMMY

DEAR TEXAS MOMMY: You may think you are asking one question, but it appears you have two separate issues that need resolving. Your concern about feeling completely financially dependent shouldn't be ignored. What would happen to you and the children if something were to happen to your husband? With only a high school education to fall back on, the impact would be life-changing for you and your girls.

You ask if you are somehow damaging them because you are a full-time mommy. And yet, how can having a mother in the house whose focus is on their welfare and development be damaging? Most children should be so fortunate.

The solution to your problem lies in compromise. By that I mean devoting some of your time to taking classes so you can earn a degree when all your children are in school full time. That way -- heaven forbid it should come to this -- you will be able to support yourself and your daughters should the need arise.

DEAR ABBY: My mother lacks social sensitivity. She just doesn't know how to communicate with people, especially her kids and grandkids. She makes critical and inappropriate comments that create tension and misunderstanding. Often her trivial opinions will bring conversations to a dead stop.

She has told me she doesn't do it on purpose. But my husband, kids and in-laws don't understand why she's the way she is. Mom had a very hard life. My father was an abusive alcoholic. After they divorced, Mom raised three kids on her own. We were very poor and don't have many good memories. We grew up surrounded by anger, hopelessness and negativity.

I love my mother very much, and I know she tried her best, but we are still a dysfunctional family. I am considering having family therapy. Mom is 73 now. Is she too old to have therapy? I really need your advice. -- TRYING TO HELP IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TRYING TO HELP: If someone recognizes there is a problem and is open to getting help, then there is no age limit for psychotherapy. However, if you think family therapy will change your mother, you're barking up the wrong tree. What family therapy can do is help you, your husband, your kids and the in-laws to react differently to her -- and in a case like this, it might be helpful.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)