DEAR ABBY: My son is the recipient of a four-year college scholarship with full tuition. He selected and applied to this school. The problem is, he now wants to transfer to another college. This means he would finish his sophomore year and give up two years of the scholarship.

The reason he has given us is "a lot of his friends go there." I have been upset over this to the point of tears. We're a working-class family that struggles to cover the cost of his dorm and his meals. My son says I'm being difficult. How does a parent handle this? -- THINKING AHEAD IN GADSDEN, ALA.

DEAR THINKING AHEAD: If you haven't already done so, you and your husband should sit down, explain the financial realities of his changing schools, and ask him how he plans to pay for his education in the absence of his scholarship. If he is prepared to take student loans and work his way through, then as a young ADULT, that is what he will have to do. You can advise against it, but the choice will be his and so will the consequences. Be sure he's fully informed.

DEAR ABBY: I am 11 years old. My problem is my dad won't spend time with me. He always has friends over, or he's too tired. I have written letters to him to hang with me and how I feel. Now what should I do? -- LONELY GIRL IN MAINE

DEAR LONELY GIRL: Because you have already tried getting through to your father, ask your mother to talk to him about his priorities. Perhaps another adult can help him understand that spending time with you is more important than hanging with his buddies.

Believe me, you have my sympathy. When fathers were handed out, you got one who doesn't understand the responsibilities that go along with being a parent. It is very important that you recognize that this in no way is a reflection on YOU.

If, after your mother speaks to your dad, he still doesn't see the light, then rather than brood, try filling your time with other things such as Girl Scouting, sports, hobbies and church youth activities. In the end, the loss will be your father's because these are important years that he will never be able to get back or do over again.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a restaurant, and one of the biggest complaints I hear every summer is how cold it is inside. We keep the temperature set at a constant 72 degrees year-round. Could you please remind people that for the comfort and safety of those who are cooking and serving that it needs to be slightly cooler inside? Please bring a sweater for your comfort. Even 72 degrees is not cool enough when you're working in a restaurant. -- HOT IN NEW PARIS, OHIO

DEAR HOT: As someone who has frozen my behind off in more restaurants that I can count, your customers have my sympathy. Because this is a complaint you receive every summer, someone should suggest to your manager that the air-conditioning system be checked by a professional to ensure it is operating properly -- and that all areas of the restaurant are properly balanced.

Because this problem occurs so often in the summer, of course women should bring along something to cover their shoulders. Men are lucky. Most don't have this problem because nature blessed them with their own natural fur coats.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I was raised by a horrible stepmom who made it her purpose in life to make my brother and me miserable. When I became a stepmom, I made it my goal to be the best one I could be, and for the next 15 years was a giving, loving stepmother to both my husband's children.

The problem? They take me for granted! They are not only disrespectful to me, but also to their father, who is a cancer survivor. During the last two years of treatments, I haven't been able to depend on them for anything. At this point I'm so disgusted I couldn't care less if I ever see either of them again.

My husband is torn. He gets upset when I talk about them or mention how they treat us. I'm at my wits' end, and I'm ready to leave. I have stood by him through sickness and hard times. Every time I see a light at the end of the tunnel, his adult kids show up. What should I do? -- READY TO GIVE UP IN FLORIDA

DEAR READY TO GIVE UP: Your husband is so emotionally invested in his children that he cannot recognize their shortcomings. Many parents have a similar blind spot, so try not to be too hard on him.

If you love your husband, and his "kids" are so busy they're not around a lot, why sacrifice your marriage? Stop "dissing" his kids, and when they come around stop making yourself so available. Get out of there. Find other things to do. Let your husband have the "pleasure" of entertaining them, and you'll be far less frustrated.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 50-year-old daughter of an alcoholic. My stepmother usually tells me when my 88-year-old -- but young for his age -- father goes into one of his drinking binges.

This time I found him out on the street drunk while she was on a two-week trip with her stepmother. Since she tells me when Dad gets drunk, should I give her the same respect, courtesy or whatever, or should I keep it to myself? -- PONDERING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PONDERING: By all means tell her what went on. I'm sure it will come as no surprise, and he may have done it to "punish" her for her absence. Alcoholism is a family disease, and I see nothing to be gained by sweeping your father's bender under the rug.

DEAR ABBY: Due to medical problems, I have a large raised scar on my chest. As a teen I used to be really self-conscious about it, but I decided that practically wearing a habit to cover it up is not fair to me.

I get lots of stares, which I don't mind so much when it is a child. One little girl came over, touched it, and asked her mother what it was. It made me smile.

My problem is with teenagers and adults. I would have hoped that by then people would know that staring is not only rude, but uncomfortable for me. Short of wearing nothing but turtlenecks, how do I inform people that I'd prefer to talk to them rather than their forehead? -- TIRED OF THE STARING

DEAR TIRED: When people of any age see something unusual, whether it's a piece of jewelry, a dog dressed like a child, a scar, etc., they are curious, and so they look. If their fascination with your scar has distracted someone from the conversation, tell the person you have noticed it and that the staring makes you uncomfortable. It's either that or ... you already know the rest.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm hosting what's called a Naked Ladies Party. It's where all the women come over with all the clothing, accessories, jewelry, etc. they no longer want. We strip down to our skivvies, try on each other's stuff, then vote on who should get to keep it. (Basically, we just swap items to get new ones.)

I have a very good friend I'd like to invite, but she is significantly larger than the rest of us and wouldn't fit into any of our clothes. She acts like she's not sensitive about it, but I don't want to embarrass her by inviting her.

She and I work together and some of the women from work are invited, so she will find out about it. I feel like no matter what I do, I'm going to hurt her feelings or put her in an embarrassing situation. What should I do? -- IN A PICKLE IN LAKEWOOD, OHIO

DEAR IN A PICKLE: Talk to your friend about the party and let her know exactly what it's about. While she may not be comfortable stripping down to her skivvies and the clothing wouldn't be appropriate, she might be interested in the accessories and the female bonding. Let her decide.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter's 21-year-old boyfriend, "James," tries to make her jealous by complimenting me or making inappropriate comments about me to her. I have only recently been made aware of what he's doing because he has never directed his comments to me -- only to my daughter.

"Monica" is a beautiful young woman. I am a 53-year-old mom, attractive for my age but nothing special. It is apparent James is playing some kind of mind game with her, and it has begun to have a negative impact on her relationship with me. I think my daughter needs to move on to a more mature guy. What do you suggest? -- JUST A MOM IN GRAPEVINE, TEXAS

DEAR JUST A MOM: Either your daughter's boyfriend has formed a gigantic crush on you, or she's dating the most insensitive guy on the planet. Whatever is motivating him, the outlook is not good for her, and I hope she'll accept that the relationship is going nowhere positive and give that heel the boot.

DEAR ABBY: I was taught that a performance receives a standing ovation when it is truly spectacular. When you are especially moved or inspired, you show your appreciation by standing. Abby, every show I go to now receives a standing ovation. I don't always join in. I feel it should mean something, not just be expected at the end of every show.

I'm tired of getting the "evil eye" from people standing around me because I didn't feel an ovation was warranted. Don't get me wrong, I'm still generous with my applause and take into consideration all the aspects of the show. (For example, I wouldn't expect a play featuring 5-year-olds to be held to the same standard as a Broadway show.)

Am I wrong? Should I stand with everyone else, and am I confused about the meaning of standing ovations? Or should I remain seated? -- RELUCTANT IN MADISON, WIS.

DEAR RELUCTANT: If you don't feel a performance merits a standing ovation, stay in your seat. Do not let the reaction of other audience members intimidate you. It's possible they may be related to someone in the show, or even be the producers.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)