DEAR ABBY: My 31-year-old son calls me only when he's in need of something -- like bailing him out of jail. He never calls just to say hello or ask how I am.

My problem is my guilt feelings. All I can think of is that he's my son and I need to help him. In the meantime I am losing sleep, don't eat right and ignore the rest of my family. How can I help my son and not ignore the rest of my family? -- DISAPPOINTED MOM IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR MOM: Your son will never learn the consequences of his actions unless you stop bailing him out and giving him money. You may think you need to "help" him, but what you are doing ISN'T helping him. It's allowing him to continue to live irresponsibly.

Talk to your spiritual adviser, talk to your husband, consult a psychologist if necessary. But change your focus, because you're directing your attention away from the people who really need you -- and that's the rest of your family. And I'll bet in return you'll get the kind of attention you need.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl. My parents own a small business, and I have to work there every day. The only time I get to see my friends is at school or if they visit me. I know my parents are trying to protect me, but I think I'm old enough to take care of myself. They promise that if I do my chores I can go see my friends, but after I have finished, they change their minds.

I think they are trying to keep me from having a normal lifestyle. Please help me. -- CAGED BIRD IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR CAGED BIRD: Do your parents know and approve of your friends? Do they know their parents? Do they know where you will be going, how you will get there and back, and whether there will be supervision? Are they confident they can trust your word and that you will be back when you say you will be?

If the answer to these questions is "yes," then I agree, your parents are being overprotective. And further, it is wrong of them to make a promise to you and then break it. After all, trust works both ways.

DEAR ABBY: I have been placed in an uncomfortable situation at my new job. One of my co-workers, "Wade," has begun planning monthly potluck and brown bag lunches where he shares religious videos and asks everyone to pray with him. I saw this time as an opportunity to get to know my new co-workers, but I do not share his religious beliefs, and I'm offended by the message.

I don't want to seem rude to my fellow employees by declining invitations each month, but I don't want to have religion forced on me at social gatherings. What would be an appropriate thing to do in this situation? (By the way, I work at a religiously diverse state university.) -- CONFLICTED CO-WORKER

DEAR CONFLICTED: You mistook your co-worker's religious outreach project for a social gathering. Graciously and consistently decline the invitations. If you are pressed, say that you prefer to do other things on your lunch break. You may find others feel similarly once you draw the line.

P.S. If you are made to feel uncomfortable about your choice, report it to the university's human relations department.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been friends with "Ruth" for more than 40 years. She married, moved away, divorced and raised her family on her own. After 20 years, she moved back to town, and I was thrilled.

But now that we live a half-hour away from each other, Ruth has no interest in spending much time with me. My husband and I aren't ostentatious, but if he buys me a piece of jewelry for my birthday, she makes me feel spoiled and shallow for getting it.

Ruth has turned into a reverse snob who harshly judges anyone who has more than she does. If we go out to lunch (which is rare) and I wear a nice pair of slacks or a sweater, Ruth belittles me. She calls me self-absorbed because I fix my hair and wear makeup. What I see as taking care of myself, she considers vanity and showing off.

I hurt all the time over this. I just don't know what to do. Ruth talks on and on about people being strong and surviving hard times. Maybe I haven't suffered enough to be worthy in her eyes.

I don't know how to handle this, or if I even want to anymore. What should I do? -- TIRED OF IT IN ILLINOIS

DEAR TIRED OF IT: Your friend appears to have had a hard life. Accept that people sometimes grow apart as they mature. If you feel you must see her, dress simply, leave your jewelry at home and exclude the topic of grooming from your conversation.

People who are unhappy with themselves sometimes take it out on others. During your years apart, Ruth seems to have picked up a lot of baggage. Accept that you can't fix what's ailing her, refuse to allow her frustration to get to you, and if that doesn't work, see less of her.

DEAR ABBY: As a recent college graduate, what should I do when potential employers ask for "salary requirements" along with my cover letter and resume? I am entry-level, to put it optimistically, and in addition to having no idea of what an appropriate salary would be, I feel uncomfortable making such demands given my age and experience level. Can I ignore the request, or must I give them an answer? -- YOUNG JOB SEEKER IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR JOB SEEKER: Do not ignore the request. Employers ask about salary requirements in order to ascertain whether the needs of the applicant are within their ability to pay.

Do a little research and find out what the going rate is for entry-level positions in your area. You will find the information by visiting your public library and reviewing some of the trade publications in your field.

DEAR ABBY: I have been reading your column for many years. When I see a letter of interest, I read it aloud to a couple of co-workers during the lunch break.

A couple of months ago, one of my co-workers stated that your columns are "asked and answered" by you. In other words, he suggested that the letters are fabricated. Is there any way you could help me convince him that they aren't? -- TIM IN LONG BEACH

DEAR TIM: Probably not. However, I am not guilty as charged. The truth is, I could never make up anything as interesting -- and sometimes bizarre -- as the letters and e-mails that cross my desk every week. And that's the gospel truth.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: "Ben" and I have been married for two years. His dog, "Lucky," adores him. The problem is, Lucky bites me every time I get near Ben, especially when we are trying to get intimate. If we lock Lucky out of the room, he barks frantically the whole time. So much for romance.

Ben refuses to get rid of Lucky. He has told me that if the dog goes, he goes -- and he means it. I want a normal life with my husband, but he has chosen his dog over his wife. Can you offer any solution? -- ONCE BITTEN, TWICE SHY IN OHIO

DEAR ONCE BITTEN: I'll try. Your husband is an irresponsible pet owner. He has allowed Lucky to become "top dog" in your household by permitting the animal to control HIM rather than vice versa.

Tell him that if he wants to "get lucky," he is going to have to assume control of his dog. This will take the assistance of a qualified dog trainer or other animal behavior specialist and should be done immediately because "once bitten" is once too often.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16, and my 13-year-old stepsister, "Cindy," is mentally retarded. She stays here every other weekend, and it's embarrassing when I have friends over. We don't have an extra room, so my mom and stepfather make me share a room with her.

Cindy is obsessed with me. She won't leave me alone the whole weekend and follows me around asking stupid questions. She also stares at my body when I get undressed, which makes me uncomfortable. I'm not modest and undress in front of other girls, but I don't like being stared at. She also can't keep her hands off my stuff.

I have been spending the night at a friend's as often as I can to get away from her. But now my mother and stepfather say I can go on sleepovers only on weekends Cindy is not here. They say she misses me and seems hurt that I'm not here to be with her. They say Cindy cried last weekend because she thinks I don't love her.

Well, duh! I've never even LIKED her. She is supposed to be here spending "quality time" with her father, not me, so shouldn't I be able to get away rather than have her drive me crazy the whole time? -- FED UP IN LANCASTER, PA.

DEAR FED UP: You are obviously very angry, but you're aiming it in the wrong direction. None of this is your stepsister's fault. Cindy is a little girl mentally, and she idolizes you. She may be slow, but she isn't stupid. She recognizes rejection when she sees it.

I recommend a compromise. You should not have to entertain your stepsister every single time she visits. While it would be caring and compassionate to spend time with her, you should not be forced into it. Keeping her occupied should be your parents' responsibility.

An adult should advocate for you in this matter. If my reply is sufficient, show it to your mother and stepfather. If it isn't, then enlist the help of another adult to talk to them with you.

DEAR ABBY: Singing is my one true passion. However, whenever I sing, my friends make fun of me. One of my friends did compliment me, but I'm not sure I completely believe her. My choir director says I have a beautiful voice, but how can I tell if she's just being nice? -- UNSURE IN SPRINGFIELD, MO.

DEAR UNSURE: Ask her if you can sing a solo.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)