DEAR ABBY: I am a single woman who dates and is not in a serious relationship right now. I'm enjoying my life, having fun, but have met someone along the way who is becoming important. I'm getting the same vibes from him.

Before meeting "Mr. New," I booked a Caribbean vacation with someone I have dated off and one for a few years. Now I'm worried. What if things progress with Mr. New? How will I tell him, and how will he feel about my going on vacation with "Mr. Standby"? I don't think lying is the answer, but I could say I was going with a girlfriend. But what if we become something more and he finds out I lied to him?

The trip is coming up soon and I don't know when -- or if -- I should tell Mr. New. Who knows? We could be over by then, although I hope not. Any advice would be appreciated. -- SINGLE GIRL IN PINE HILL, N.J.

DEAR SINGLE GIRL: I'm surprised you would still be enthusiastic about "tripping" with Mr. Standby while you're falling for Mr. New. Do not lie. The truth has a way of coming out, and if you do, it will wreck your credibility and the romance as well.

I advise you to level with Standby and let him know you met someone. He needs to find another travel companion ASAP. There will probably be a penalty for assigning your pre-purchased ticket to someone else. If there is, offer to pay it. It's the price of being honorable.

P.S. If Mr. New does not turn out to be Mr. Right, you can always take another trip with Mr. Standby next year if he is still willing to date you. (However, if he reads Dear Abby and recognizes that you consider him only "Mr. Standby," he may not be.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are expecting our first child and selected names some time ago. If it's a boy, we'll name him Ethan; if it's a girl, we'll call her Ardith.

My father sent us a nasty e-mail telling us he's praying we have a boy because he couldn't imagine "saddling a child with a name like Ardith." This from a man who named his son "Seymour Herbert" and stuck with a last name that is an insult in two languages. (My brother and I grew so sick of being reminded of it that we changed our last name.) It wasn't even our original family name, but a badly Americanized name-gone-wrong that was laid on our grandfather when he came to this country.

My husband and I found my father's remarks extremely hurtful and wrote him to explain why we chose the name Ardith, but Dad persists in saying how much he hates our choice.

We know the name is old-fashioned and unusual. But considering what some celebrities name their children these days, Ardith doesn't seem weird to us. If she dislikes her name, we'll help her change it later, but I doubt that will happen. Meanwhile, how do we deal with my father when he keeps bugging us? -- EXPECTING ANY DAY NOW IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR EXPECTING: By standing your ground and refusing to be intimidated. The privilege of choosing a child's name belongs to his or her parents. If Grandpa doesn't like it, suggest that he call your daughter "Darling," or "Honey." Both are endearments and would be his "special" name for her.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been involved in a long-distance relationship for the past year. I'm crazy about him and have been completely faithful to him.

While we were talking on the phone today he asked, "What would you do if I cheated on you?" It came out of the blue, and I realized he was serious! My family and friends believe he has already cheated on me and was feeling guilty. Part of me thinks they may be right. Can you settle my disturbed thoughts? -- UNSETTLED IN DERRY, PA.

DEAR UNSETTLED: Long-distance relationships can be especially challenging. When someone asks a question like your boyfriend asked you, it usually means the person has cheated or is considering doing so.

It would be interesting to know how you responded to his question. If it's not too late, tell him, "If you cheated, I would be hurt and disappointed. And if you have already cheated, then it's time we BOTH started seeing other people."

DEAR ABBY: We have lived next door to "The Moochers" for three years. Things have gotten so bad that my husband and I avoid them at all costs, which isn't easy, as they live in close proximity to our home.

If we're on our porch or in the backyard and they see us, they always ask for something. We have been friendly and have helped them in the past, but feel as though our kindness has been mistaken for weakness and we have been taken advantage of.

The Moochers have asked to borrow our outdoor grill, pieces of our living room furniture, toys for their grandchildren to play with, permission to hang their laundry on our clothesline (which we have since removed), and have even asked for Christmas ornaments right off our tree!

Since we have started avoiding them, we have gotten a bad reputation in our neighborhood as being "unfriendly." We have asked them to return our grill, but they actually refused, saying it was GIVEN to them with a smile.

We would love some advice. -- MISUNDERSTOOD NEIGHBORS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR MISUNDERSTOOD: It's time to start doing a little public relations work of your own. If you are on speaking terms with any of your other neighbors, tell them what has happened and why you and your husband now avoid The Moochers. From my perspective, they appear to be peculiar bordering on the eccentric, not to mention extremely nervy. Avoiding them is your best defense, unless you're planning on moving.

DEAR ABBY: Is it poor manners for people to leave an event, concert, show or graduation before the final piece is played or spoken because they want to avoid the crowd or traffic at the conclusion?

It annoys me, and I'd like to know if my view is justified. -- ANNOYED IN MARYLAND

DEAR ANNOYED: If someone has paid admission to an event, concert or show and wishes to leave before the end, it is his/her privilege (or loss, depending on how you view it). However, in the case of a graduation or other ceremony in which people are being honored, good manners dictate that attendees stay until the last honor is bestowed and the last achievement is recognized.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My friend stole my baby sitter! It began when "Mimi" asked for the name of our sitter. She didn't have one and said she would be confident using the girl we were using. She explained that it would be only to "occasionally" relieve her parents, who usually looked after the kids. Unlike Mimi, we have no family in town.

Now, every time we are invited to attend something, I call our sitter and she has already been booked by my "friend." Mimi even books the girl when she invites US out! I have mentioned on a couple of occasions that we couldn't go because she had already booked our sitter. Her response? "Maybe you should check the baby-sitter list at the gym and find someone else."

Our husbands work together and we share many of the same friends. I considered Mimi a good friend, but now I feel used. This has been going on for four months. I'm afraid I may explode the next time I see her. How should I handle this? Mimi acts as if there is no problem. -- FEELS LIKE A FOOL, GAINESVILLE, FLA.

DEAR FEELS LIKE A FOOL: Mimi is acting like there is no problem because there IS no problem -- for Mimi. You have assessed the situation correctly. She did use you. If I had to make a guess, Mimi is monopolizing your sitter because her parents have decided they have been good sports and watched the kids to the point that they would like a social life of their own.

I'm sorry, but the way to handle this is to find another sitter. And next time don't be so generous in sharing your resources with Mimi. (The same goes for your hairdresser and your house cleaner if you have one.)

DEAR ABBY: My partner and I have been together 10 years. We are both in our mid-40s. We have an 8-year-old daughter, but lost our 3-year-old son to cancer two years ago.

We decided to become foster parents in the hope of adopting a child. Two months ago, we took in a 3 1/2-year- old little boy. We were told he was "slightly delayed" in his development but have now discovered that he is functioning at the level of an 18-month-old. The neurologist told us the child may progress -- or not.

At this point in my life I do not have the strength or patience to deal with a child with such special needs. I have expressed my concerns to my partner, but she wants to give it more time. I feel the longer we have him, though, the harder it will be for all of us if it does not work out.

I already have three grown children and one grandchild. I want to devote my energy to our 8-year-old, who is still coping with the loss of her brother. Please give me an objective opinion. -- STRESSED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR STRESSED: Because you are unable to give the little boy the love and support he needs, admit it now and return him to the state. He may be better off with a special family that has experience in raising children with developmental disabilities.

That you were not given accurate information about the boy is deplorable, but the longer you wait, the more complicated the situation will become -- not only for you, but also for your impressionable daughter, who may need professional help to understand why you did it, that it is no threat to her, and reassurance that children are not interchangeable.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)