DEAR ABBY: I'm a 30-year-old woman who has battled compulsive eating and binge eating since my teens. (Yes, I still have a weight problem.) I see a counselor and am trying to find solutions that work for me.

My problem stems from well-meaning friends and family who try to send me home with leftovers when I visit them. Because I am single, they think I would like a home-cooked meal. I politely refuse these offerings, but my hosts keep insisting I take food until I give in just to avoid additional argument.

How can I convince them I can't take the offer without offending them or revealing my "problem"? -- STUFFED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR STUFFED: It's difficult for me to believe that family and close friends are completely unaware of a problem with which you have struggled since your teens. However, if that's the case, thank these loving saboteurs and tell them you have more than enough food at home and don't want to waste anything by having more than you can use. If that doesn't deter them, offer the food to a neighbor or someone who might need or enjoy it. But under no circumstances should you bring it into your house if it will trigger a binge.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my early 50s and have great difficulty driving at night. My daughter says my problem is a "lack of confidence." I say my problem is being unable to SEE.

One night I had to pick up my son outside city limits, and I was scared. I couldn't read the street signs and had difficulty telling how far out of town I was and how close to him I was getting. I didn't have my cell phone with me and couldn't call him.

To me, this vision problem at night could be just as dangerous as driving drunk. Would you please give me your opinion -- is this all in my head? -- GAIL IN TEXAS

DEAR GAIL: Yes and no. Because your eyes are located in your head -- on that score you are correct. However, your problem is your vision, not an overactive imagination.

The person to tell you exactly what is causing the problem with your night vision is an ophthalmologist -- an M.D. who specializes in diagnosing and treating diseases of the eye. He or she can also tell you whether it is correctable or if you should refrain from driving after dark because driving blind is, indeed, as dangerous as driving drunk, and I don't recommend it.

DEAR ABBY: I have a close friend, "Janelle," who is 15. I'd like to spend time with her, but her parents are very strict. They don't allow Janelle to go anywhere without one of them. They let her hang out only with a few girls from their church.

I am neither a member of her church nor a girl, but I am also 15 and I'd like to be able to make plans with her. Is there a way I can convince her parents to let us see each other? -- WISHING IN PEORIA, ARIZ.

DEAR WISHING: When parents are as hyper-protective as Janelle's seem to be, there probably isn't. However, if you begin making friends with Janelle's friends, it's possible you can spend some time with ALL of them. It's just a thought.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been depressed for years, and at times I cut myself. My mother sent me to counseling, but it didn't help much.

For a while, I was more or less happy. I had my boyfriend, school wasn't too much of a problem, and I was having fun. But lately, I've felt really stressed and depressed, and I got back into my old habits.

Unfortunately, I cut myself in front of my boyfriend. He got mad and left. He said: "You act like a crazy person. You apologize, but you never change. You never mean anything you say. To heck with this!"

I seriously considered suicide. The urge was so strong it scared me, so I took my razors and threw them away. Then I called a friend who's having similar problems, and we talked. She helped me realize that maybe I hurt myself for attention or pity, and I can control acting like that. She said my boyfriend really loves me, and if I cut myself I'm cutting him -- and her. Later it occurred to me that I was a little mad at him, and maybe I do this to myself to get back at other people, too.

I don't want to lose anyone (myself included) over this stupid drama. I want to stop hurting everyone and deal with my feelings, whatever they are, in a healthier way. Psychologists haven't helped, but I need something to keep my head on straight. How can I change for good? How do I change my whole way of thinking? I know I need to -- I just don't know how. -- WANTS TO STOP IN DENVER

DEAR WANTS TO STOP: You are asking intelligent questions. To me, they indicate that you are ready to be completely honest and accept the help you so desperately need. When people hurt so badly inside that they inflict pain upon themselves to distract themselves, they need more help than a layperson can give them. It's time to consult a licensed medical professional.

I don't know why your sessions with the psychologist weren't helpful. Perhaps you weren't seeing the right person or you weren't ready. Now that you are, ask your doctor for a referral -- preferably to someone with experience with cutters. You may need medication to help maintain your chemical balance, but it's important to talk out your need to hurt others by turning your anger on yourself. Once you fully understand it, you'll have a better chance of controlling the impulse.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 23-year-old woman who needs advice on how to find female friends. My family moved a lot when I was a child. By the time we settled down, I was in high school and realized to my dismay that it was too late. The other girls already had friends and social groups and weren't looking for more.

The same was true when I went to college and met my roommates. I'm out of school now and haven't had a female friend in years. It can be very lonely. Where can I meet women my age who still want to make new friends? -- FRIEND-CHALLENGED IN GLENDALE, CALIF.

DEAR FRIEND-CHALLENGED: Select an activity you enjoy -- or think you would like to learn about -- and pursue that interest. Some suggestions that come to mind would be to join a gym where you'll meet other young women, or special-interest groups such as cooking, sewing, knitting, quilting or scrapbooking. And, of course, there is always that old standby: volunteering for a charity or cause. You will always find interesting women involved in volunteer work. Give it a try.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: A close friend I'll call "Millie" recently confided that she is being sexually harassed at work. The person is a major client of hers, and she could lose her job if this is brought to light.

I would like to help Millie, but I don't know what to do. Please help me. This is eating away at me. -- HURTING FOR MY FRIEND IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR HURTING: It is important that Millie report what has been happening to her boss. It is her employer's responsibility to see that she is not bothered.

I have long thought that people who use their position of power to sexually harass are either so pathologically narcissistic they can't believe everyone isn't bowled over by their charm (which, of course, is delusional thinking), or so pitifully unattractive and insecure they must bully their target into submission.

Whatever is driving your friend's harasser, it is vital for Millie's emotional well-being that the person is stopped. Laws protect people in the workplace, but only if the harassment is reported.

DEAR ABBY: I would appreciate your perspective on something that has been going on for about five years. When my granddaughter, "Allie," receives a gift, she takes it to her room to open. Allie is no longer a child, Abby. She's an intelligent, attractive college graduate. Later on, she will say thank you for the gift.

When I asked why she won't open the gift when I give it to her, her response was, "I don't like to be watched while I open gifts." This leaves me unable to witness her pleasure and makes me wonder why I spend my time purchasing anything for her. Please give me your reaction. -- GIFT-GIVING GRANDMA, CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA.

DEAR GRANDMA: You are operating under the assumption that your granddaughter likes the gifts you have chosen. Has it occurred to you that she may take the gifts to open in private because she knows you are waiting for her reaction and finds it intimidating?

My feeling is that you and she should have a frank talk about this, and you should take your cue from the outcome. It'll clear the air.

DEAR ABBY: Am I doomed to be a "jack of all trades"? I'm 21 and can never stick with a job longer than six months. I get bored and start looking for another one.

I have noticed my inability to find satisfaction in anything I do. I pick up and drop hobbies in the span of weeks. I'm currently in college and have switched majors six times. Women drop me because I can't decide on what my "life's work" should be.

I know I'm young, but it feels like the years are going fast. What can I do to find my niche? -- A GUY NAMED MIKE IN OHIO

DEAR GUY NAMED MIKE: The first thing to do should be to head to the student health center, explain your problem and ask for an evaluation. Next, stop berating yourself for being indecisive about your career path.

Generations ago, people trained for one career that was supposed to last until retirement. Today, however, workers can expect to change jobs several times over the span of their careers. And that's why a liberal arts education can be helpful, because it exposes students to a wide variety of subjects that can be helpful in the future.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)