DEAR ABBY: At 17, I learned I could never have children. I was devastated. I thought there would never be a "happily ever after" for me. I was wrong. I have been happily married to a wonderful man for four years. I was honest with him about my infertility, and it made no difference to him.

The problem is my father-in-law. Although my husband has two sisters, he is the only son of an only son, and his dad is always pushing the baby issue. He says things like, "If I could only have a grandson before I die," or, "When are you going to get busy and have me a baby?" When I remind him that he has a grandson, he says it doesn't matter. He wants one with HIS last name.

My husband thinks I should just tell his father the truth -- that I can't have children -- but I'm afraid his parents will hate me. It has been seven years since I learned I can't have children, and I still feel an emptiness inside. And just when I think I can't feel any worse, my father-in-law's comments make me feel broken and useless. I could use some advice. -- CHILDLESS IN ARKANSAS

DEAR CHILDLESS: I agree with your husband. The two of you should have a frank talk with his parents. Explain to his father that his comments are hurtful and why. He needs to know the truth. If you are "hated" after that, the problem is theirs -- not yours.

P.S. Even if you could have children, there is no guarantee that they wouldn't all be girls. Big Daddy is overdue for a dose of reality.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Fred," has never been much of a conversationalist, and since he stopped smoking five months ago, his weight has ballooned. We're both elderly and live on a lake, so we're quite isolated, especially during the long winters.

Although Fred sees his doctor regularly, he's stubborn and I doubt that he has told his doctor everything, including the possibility that he's experiencing depression. He sits by the hour and pouts.

This morning, when I tried to carry on a conversation, he refused to look at me. Finally, I said, "Do you want me to stop talking to you?" to which he replied, "Do whatever you want."

Fred has never been easy to get along with, but his pouting is driving me crazy. I go out for lunch with friends occasionally, but because Fred doesn't want visitors here, that's my only respite. Any suggestions? I'm ... READY TO BAIL IN MINNESOTA

DEAR READY TO BAIL: If there is anything unusual about Fred's behavior, it should be reported to his doctor because it could be a sign of dementia or other illness. However, if it is just "more of the same" from this charmer you married, perhaps you should ask yourself seriously whether you're better off with him or without him, and if this is how you want to live the rest of your life.

DEAR ABBY: Why do people write messages such as "Happy Birthday" to dead people in obituary columns in newspapers? I comprehend the idea of memoriams, but to wish someone who has died a happy birthday or anniversary seems ludicrous to me. Will you point this out to your readers and comment? -- MYSTIFIED IN EASTERN MAINE

DEAR MYSTIFIED: I'm printing your letter, but I wish you would open your heart a bit and stop being so judgmental. People often do this because a special occasion such as a birthday or an anniversary makes them long for the person who died. They are still grieving over their loss and want their loved one to be remembered.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 43-year-old male with major dental issues to take care of. Because I have no insurance, and dental work is costly, I plan to have my treatment overseas. A close friend has arranged for me to stay with his parents for two weeks while I'm there.

The parents were here on vacation recently, and I spent a lot of time with them and we got to bond a little. Everything was comfortable because my friend was there as a "buffer" to enhance the conversation. However, because of the difference in our background, culture and, particularly, our ages, I know I'll feel awkward being in their home during my stay. I'm afraid of running out of topics to talk about. I would rather stay in a hotel and spend some time with them, but that would probably be an insult to my friend who graciously offered his help.

Cancelling my trip is obviously not an option. I need some wise advice and suggestions on what I can do while staying with this elderly couple. -- SHY GUY IN MIAMI

DEAR SHY GUY: First, ask your friend what you should bring his parents as a house gift. Second, take along an English/whatever-language-his-parents-speak dictionary to help you all translate what you need to say.

Third, just be yourself. And last but not least, remember that older people are just like you, with the same feelings you have, just grayer. Because you are having extensive dental work done, they will understand if you aren't a fountain of conversation. But do try, and I'm sure whatever efforts you make will be appreciated.

DEAR ABBY: I am 25, and over the last two years a patch of gray hair has appeared on the front of my head. It's small, but noticeable. The problem is, people constantly mention it to me, especially co-workers I barely know.

At this point, I have chosen not to dye it because it doesn't really bother me. I just think it's rude for people to go out of their way to bring it up. I would never say something like that to someone else. What's the proper response to these people? -- YOUNG MAN, OLD HAIR IN OHIO

DEAR YOUNG MAN: Smile and say, "Yes, I've noticed it. And sooner or later it will happen to you, too." Then change the subject.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Ernie," and I have been together almost a year. He has two wonderful children from a previous marriage. I love Ernie dearly, although we have only been dating for what seems like a short while.

The other night he brought up the subject of marriage and said he wanted to get me a promise ring. I was caught off guard. I know his feelings were hurt when I shied away from him when he mentioned it. What should I say to him? I don't know if I'm ready for the next step, but I don't want to hurt his feelings by rejecting him. Give me the words, Abby. -- APPREHENSIVE IN LOVE

DEAR APPREHENSIVE: Tell Ernie that although you care for him, you are not ready to make a lifetime commitment. And unless you are sure that you want to be married to Ernie (which you are not) and are prepared to help him raise his children, you should not accept his promise ring.

It will then be up to Ernie to decide whether he wants to wait around, hoping you will change your mind, or move on and look for someone else.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I work in a medical office and would like your help in asking patients when entering the clinic to please respect the privacy of the people ahead of them and not peer over their shoulders when they sign in. It is not only rude, but also a violation of HIPAA privacy laws.

Another problem -- and forgive me, because this is gross -- is that when we tell a patient the amount of the co-pay, she will reach into her bra and pull out WET cash and expect us to take it from her! It literally makes me sick, and I'd rather not touch it, but at the same time, customer service is No. 1 in our clinic and with me, too, so I take it and then spend the rest of the day wanting to vomit. -- SICK IN THE DR.'S OFFICE

DEAR SICK: You are right; the behavior you have described is rude. The same thing happens when customers swipe their debit/credit cards in the checkout line at the supermarket, and you should handle it the way many checkers do. Say to the patient who is second in line, "Please stand back." You don't have to be nasty, just firm.

As to those women (I assume it's women) who treat their brassiere cups like breast pockets, you have two choices. Either slip on a pair of latex gloves when you take the cash, or whip out the hand sanitizer afterward. That's what it's for.

DEAR ABBY: I need help for my friend "Edie." Her mother died of cancer two years ago, and she's still grieving. She has her mother's obituary taped on the wall in front of her computer at work. Every conversation with her includes references to how her mom acted, cooked, worked, etc.

Edie's father has a new female friend, which upsets Edie to no end. Her 4-year-old called the new girlfriend "Maw-Maw" and Edie scolded him saying, "That is NOT your Maw-Maw, and she'll never BE your Maw-Maw!"

Abby, I don't think the little boy even remembers his grandma. He was only 2 when she died. Edie wears her mother's clothes and still hasn't cleaned out her mom's home. Edie's dad is scared to for fear of upsetting her.

What, as a friend, can I do to help her? -- STANDING BY IN KENTUCKY

DEAR STANDING BY: While grieving is an individual process, it appears that your friend has become stuck. It would be a kindness to tell her that you know she is hurting, and to suggest that she consult a grief counselor or psychotherapist to help lessen her obvious pain.

DEAR ABBY: I was invited to an elegant wedding, and by the time dinner was served, I was stuffed because I pigged out on the hors d'oeuvres. At the end of dinner, I asked for a doggy bag to take home my huge untouched filet mignon. Was this a faux pas? -- HATES TO BE WASTEFUL, WABAN, MASS.

DEAR HATES TO BE WASTEFUL: Absolutely not. It's done all the time, and you have done nothing for which you have to apologize. However, let this be a lesson to you. Next time, save room for the main course.

DEAR ABBY: I want to visit my son, whom I have not seen or heard from in three years. Even though I have phoned and have written to him, I have gotten no reply. He was angry at me the last time we spoke. Should I make a surprise visit when I'm in his city? -- MOM IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR MOM: Unless you're willing to be the one getting the surprise, I don't recommend it.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)