DEAR ABBY: I am a 43-year-old male with major dental issues to take care of. Because I have no insurance, and dental work is costly, I plan to have my treatment overseas. A close friend has arranged for me to stay with his parents for two weeks while I'm there.

The parents were here on vacation recently, and I spent a lot of time with them and we got to bond a little. Everything was comfortable because my friend was there as a "buffer" to enhance the conversation. However, because of the difference in our background, culture and, particularly, our ages, I know I'll feel awkward being in their home during my stay. I'm afraid of running out of topics to talk about. I would rather stay in a hotel and spend some time with them, but that would probably be an insult to my friend who graciously offered his help.

Cancelling my trip is obviously not an option. I need some wise advice and suggestions on what I can do while staying with this elderly couple. -- SHY GUY IN MIAMI

DEAR SHY GUY: First, ask your friend what you should bring his parents as a house gift. Second, take along an English/whatever-language-his-parents-speak dictionary to help you all translate what you need to say.

Third, just be yourself. And last but not least, remember that older people are just like you, with the same feelings you have, just grayer. Because you are having extensive dental work done, they will understand if you aren't a fountain of conversation. But do try, and I'm sure whatever efforts you make will be appreciated.

DEAR ABBY: I am 25, and over the last two years a patch of gray hair has appeared on the front of my head. It's small, but noticeable. The problem is, people constantly mention it to me, especially co-workers I barely know.

At this point, I have chosen not to dye it because it doesn't really bother me. I just think it's rude for people to go out of their way to bring it up. I would never say something like that to someone else. What's the proper response to these people? -- YOUNG MAN, OLD HAIR IN OHIO

DEAR YOUNG MAN: Smile and say, "Yes, I've noticed it. And sooner or later it will happen to you, too." Then change the subject.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Ernie," and I have been together almost a year. He has two wonderful children from a previous marriage. I love Ernie dearly, although we have only been dating for what seems like a short while.

The other night he brought up the subject of marriage and said he wanted to get me a promise ring. I was caught off guard. I know his feelings were hurt when I shied away from him when he mentioned it. What should I say to him? I don't know if I'm ready for the next step, but I don't want to hurt his feelings by rejecting him. Give me the words, Abby. -- APPREHENSIVE IN LOVE

DEAR APPREHENSIVE: Tell Ernie that although you care for him, you are not ready to make a lifetime commitment. And unless you are sure that you want to be married to Ernie (which you are not) and are prepared to help him raise his children, you should not accept his promise ring.

It will then be up to Ernie to decide whether he wants to wait around, hoping you will change your mind, or move on and look for someone else.

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DEAR ABBY: I work in a medical office and would like your help in asking patients when entering the clinic to please respect the privacy of the people ahead of them and not peer over their shoulders when they sign in. It is not only rude, but also a violation of HIPAA privacy laws.

Another problem -- and forgive me, because this is gross -- is that when we tell a patient the amount of the co-pay, she will reach into her bra and pull out WET cash and expect us to take it from her! It literally makes me sick, and I'd rather not touch it, but at the same time, customer service is No. 1 in our clinic and with me, too, so I take it and then spend the rest of the day wanting to vomit. -- SICK IN THE DR.'S OFFICE

DEAR SICK: You are right; the behavior you have described is rude. The same thing happens when customers swipe their debit/credit cards in the checkout line at the supermarket, and you should handle it the way many checkers do. Say to the patient who is second in line, "Please stand back." You don't have to be nasty, just firm.

As to those women (I assume it's women) who treat their brassiere cups like breast pockets, you have two choices. Either slip on a pair of latex gloves when you take the cash, or whip out the hand sanitizer afterward. That's what it's for.

DEAR ABBY: I need help for my friend "Edie." Her mother died of cancer two years ago, and she's still grieving. She has her mother's obituary taped on the wall in front of her computer at work. Every conversation with her includes references to how her mom acted, cooked, worked, etc.

Edie's father has a new female friend, which upsets Edie to no end. Her 4-year-old called the new girlfriend "Maw-Maw" and Edie scolded him saying, "That is NOT your Maw-Maw, and she'll never BE your Maw-Maw!"

Abby, I don't think the little boy even remembers his grandma. He was only 2 when she died. Edie wears her mother's clothes and still hasn't cleaned out her mom's home. Edie's dad is scared to for fear of upsetting her.

What, as a friend, can I do to help her? -- STANDING BY IN KENTUCKY

DEAR STANDING BY: While grieving is an individual process, it appears that your friend has become stuck. It would be a kindness to tell her that you know she is hurting, and to suggest that she consult a grief counselor or psychotherapist to help lessen her obvious pain.

DEAR ABBY: I was invited to an elegant wedding, and by the time dinner was served, I was stuffed because I pigged out on the hors d'oeuvres. At the end of dinner, I asked for a doggy bag to take home my huge untouched filet mignon. Was this a faux pas? -- HATES TO BE WASTEFUL, WABAN, MASS.

DEAR HATES TO BE WASTEFUL: Absolutely not. It's done all the time, and you have done nothing for which you have to apologize. However, let this be a lesson to you. Next time, save room for the main course.

DEAR ABBY: I want to visit my son, whom I have not seen or heard from in three years. Even though I have phoned and have written to him, I have gotten no reply. He was angry at me the last time we spoke. Should I make a surprise visit when I'm in his city? -- MOM IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR MOM: Unless you're willing to be the one getting the surprise, I don't recommend it.

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DEAR ABBY: My half-brother, "Jace," and I had a complicated childhood. My father had an explosive temper and a disdain for children in general. He was abusive, and our mentally ill mother was absent during his rages.

I had my share of abuse, but it was nothing compared to how Jace was treated. His biological father lived in another state and rarely made contact, and my father never formally adopted him. It left Jace with profound feelings of abandonment.

My parents are finally divorced now. Afterward, Dad's behavior toward me changed dramatically. He's no longer abusive and is even fun to be around. However, he still maintains a palpable distance from Jace.

Jace is an exceptional person with an outgoing personality and a zest for life. He has two beautiful children and one more on the way. Dad has seen the oldest only once, and that was after I begged him for months to visit. It saddens me, and I end up overcompensating by spoiling Jace's kids with gifts, even though I live 2,000 miles away.

I know I can't make Dad be a part of Jace's life, but he's the only father Jace has ever known. Is there any way to open Dad's eyes? If not, how can I fill the gap? -- SADDENED SISTER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SISTER: Regardless of how your father's attitude toward you has changed, he will never get my vote for Father of the Year. That he took out his frustrations on you and your brother is despicable. He never accepted Jace, and from the time he married your mother considered her son to be excess baggage -- nothing more.

You cannot force open the eyes of someone whose heart is closed, so quit trying. You already do more than your share to "fill the gap" as a loving aunt, but understand that Jace's children will never miss what they have never known.

Fortunately, your brother seems to be emotionally resilient. It appears he has gone on with his life. He is married and is building a new family, which may help him heal the abuse he suffered as a young man. However, if he cannot let go of his feelings of abandonment, he should consult a licensed psychotherapist because it may take professional help to put his past to rest.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Mona," and I decided to separate a few months ago. She filed for divorce, and during the two months cooling-off period we spent a lot of time talking to each other. After some consideration, we reconciled.

Now that we're back together, I have learned that Mona sold her wedding ring to pay for some living expenses. We discussed purchasing another one, but apparently it's not a top priority on her to-do list. She has also said she doesn't want to buy her own ring or split the cost. I still wear mine, but feel as though I'm the only one who's committed to the relationship. Any thoughts? -- HAVING DOUBTS IN DALLAS

DEAR HAVING DOUBTS: I'll give you my gut reaction. A wedding ring does not make a marriage; love, commitment and concern for the feelings of the other party do. That Mona got rid of the ring so quickly tells me she was also through with the marriage.

Who buys the next ring is the least of your worries. Listen to your gut. It's sending you an important message. You and Mona are not out of the woods yet. Hie thee to a marriage counselor.

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