DEAR ABBY: I work in a medical office and would like your help in asking patients when entering the clinic to please respect the privacy of the people ahead of them and not peer over their shoulders when they sign in. It is not only rude, but also a violation of HIPAA privacy laws.

Another problem -- and forgive me, because this is gross -- is that when we tell a patient the amount of the co-pay, she will reach into her bra and pull out WET cash and expect us to take it from her! It literally makes me sick, and I'd rather not touch it, but at the same time, customer service is No. 1 in our clinic and with me, too, so I take it and then spend the rest of the day wanting to vomit. -- SICK IN THE DR.'S OFFICE

DEAR SICK: You are right; the behavior you have described is rude. The same thing happens when customers swipe their debit/credit cards in the checkout line at the supermarket, and you should handle it the way many checkers do. Say to the patient who is second in line, "Please stand back." You don't have to be nasty, just firm.

As to those women (I assume it's women) who treat their brassiere cups like breast pockets, you have two choices. Either slip on a pair of latex gloves when you take the cash, or whip out the hand sanitizer afterward. That's what it's for.

DEAR ABBY: I need help for my friend "Edie." Her mother died of cancer two years ago, and she's still grieving. She has her mother's obituary taped on the wall in front of her computer at work. Every conversation with her includes references to how her mom acted, cooked, worked, etc.

Edie's father has a new female friend, which upsets Edie to no end. Her 4-year-old called the new girlfriend "Maw-Maw" and Edie scolded him saying, "That is NOT your Maw-Maw, and she'll never BE your Maw-Maw!"

Abby, I don't think the little boy even remembers his grandma. He was only 2 when she died. Edie wears her mother's clothes and still hasn't cleaned out her mom's home. Edie's dad is scared to for fear of upsetting her.

What, as a friend, can I do to help her? -- STANDING BY IN KENTUCKY

DEAR STANDING BY: While grieving is an individual process, it appears that your friend has become stuck. It would be a kindness to tell her that you know she is hurting, and to suggest that she consult a grief counselor or psychotherapist to help lessen her obvious pain.

DEAR ABBY: I was invited to an elegant wedding, and by the time dinner was served, I was stuffed because I pigged out on the hors d'oeuvres. At the end of dinner, I asked for a doggy bag to take home my huge untouched filet mignon. Was this a faux pas? -- HATES TO BE WASTEFUL, WABAN, MASS.

DEAR HATES TO BE WASTEFUL: Absolutely not. It's done all the time, and you have done nothing for which you have to apologize. However, let this be a lesson to you. Next time, save room for the main course.

DEAR ABBY: I want to visit my son, whom I have not seen or heard from in three years. Even though I have phoned and have written to him, I have gotten no reply. He was angry at me the last time we spoke. Should I make a surprise visit when I'm in his city? -- MOM IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR MOM: Unless you're willing to be the one getting the surprise, I don't recommend it.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My half-brother, "Jace," and I had a complicated childhood. My father had an explosive temper and a disdain for children in general. He was abusive, and our mentally ill mother was absent during his rages.

I had my share of abuse, but it was nothing compared to how Jace was treated. His biological father lived in another state and rarely made contact, and my father never formally adopted him. It left Jace with profound feelings of abandonment.

My parents are finally divorced now. Afterward, Dad's behavior toward me changed dramatically. He's no longer abusive and is even fun to be around. However, he still maintains a palpable distance from Jace.

Jace is an exceptional person with an outgoing personality and a zest for life. He has two beautiful children and one more on the way. Dad has seen the oldest only once, and that was after I begged him for months to visit. It saddens me, and I end up overcompensating by spoiling Jace's kids with gifts, even though I live 2,000 miles away.

I know I can't make Dad be a part of Jace's life, but he's the only father Jace has ever known. Is there any way to open Dad's eyes? If not, how can I fill the gap? -- SADDENED SISTER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SISTER: Regardless of how your father's attitude toward you has changed, he will never get my vote for Father of the Year. That he took out his frustrations on you and your brother is despicable. He never accepted Jace, and from the time he married your mother considered her son to be excess baggage -- nothing more.

You cannot force open the eyes of someone whose heart is closed, so quit trying. You already do more than your share to "fill the gap" as a loving aunt, but understand that Jace's children will never miss what they have never known.

Fortunately, your brother seems to be emotionally resilient. It appears he has gone on with his life. He is married and is building a new family, which may help him heal the abuse he suffered as a young man. However, if he cannot let go of his feelings of abandonment, he should consult a licensed psychotherapist because it may take professional help to put his past to rest.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Mona," and I decided to separate a few months ago. She filed for divorce, and during the two months cooling-off period we spent a lot of time talking to each other. After some consideration, we reconciled.

Now that we're back together, I have learned that Mona sold her wedding ring to pay for some living expenses. We discussed purchasing another one, but apparently it's not a top priority on her to-do list. She has also said she doesn't want to buy her own ring or split the cost. I still wear mine, but feel as though I'm the only one who's committed to the relationship. Any thoughts? -- HAVING DOUBTS IN DALLAS

DEAR HAVING DOUBTS: I'll give you my gut reaction. A wedding ring does not make a marriage; love, commitment and concern for the feelings of the other party do. That Mona got rid of the ring so quickly tells me she was also through with the marriage.

Who buys the next ring is the least of your worries. Listen to your gut. It's sending you an important message. You and Mona are not out of the woods yet. Hie thee to a marriage counselor.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My wife thinks I have a problem because I do not have a close relationship with my mother. We go for weeks without talking or seeing each other, and it doesn't bother me. Since I was about 13, my parents were hardly ever around. My mom was a workaholic, and my dad was an alcoholic, so I became totally self-sufficient.

Now I am 21, and I'm not bothered that I have little contact with my mother. I acknowledge that she gave me life, but that's where it ends. I would like to know your thoughts about all this. -- NO REGRETS, SAN ANGELO, TEXAS

DEAR NO REGRETS: It's sad that at such an important time in your life you had no parents to talk to. But this wasn't your mother's fault. With an alcoholic husband -- who I'm guessing had trouble with employment -- and a son to provide for, it's not surprising that she became a "workaholic." It may have been a necessity.

I would be curious to know what kind of relationship you have with your father. While it's regrettable that you have so little communication with your mother, if this has been the pattern that was set since you were 13, it is also understandable. Your wife means well, but she should not "stir the pot."

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have no children but have had two dogs since we became a couple. This year, our two 13-year-old Dalmatians passed away within four months of each other. We are grieving but realize our "children" are in a better, pain-free place.

Our vets and physical therapists played an extremely active role during their lives and after their passing. Although it's their "job," what is the appropriate way to acknowledge the love and extra efforts they put into caring for our dogs? (One vet even gave me her cell number.) -- SORROWFUL IN RENO, NEV.

DEAR SORROWFUL: You could make a donation in their honor to an animal-related cause. However, no tangible item you could give them would mean as much as a personal letter thanking them for their caring, support and professionalism during this difficult time. It's something that could be read and re-read over the years, or even framed. And I'm sure either gesture would be appreciated.

DEAR ABBY: I am 26 and lived with "Mackie" for three years. Although we were not legally married, I referred to him as "my husband."

We have now split up. I refer to this as "the divorce," and the time we were together as "when we were married." My conservative mother seems to understand why I do this. However, others choose to correct me -- rather rudely.

My question is, what would you call this? And what do I say to those who feel the need to tell me how I should attribute an event in my life? -- SINGLE NOW, IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR SINGLE NOW: As much as you loved "Mackie" and "felt" married while you were together, the reality is that you were not legally married. I agree that when couples end their relationships -- married or not -- it is a divorce in the emotional sense. And my Webster's New World Dictionary, Third College Edition, defines divorce as "any complete separation or disunion." So you're half-right. Tell them that the divorce was as painful as if you'd had a marriage license, and let it go at that.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)