DEAR ABBY: I love your column. Unfortunately, it appears on the same page as the comics and Sudoku puzzle in our newspaper. Every morning my boyfriend drinks a cup of coffee and then disappears into the bathroom for a good 15 minutes -- even longer on weekends -- with your section of the paper. Half the time I never get it back, and if I do it's never in fresh, crisp condition.

Any advice on how I can convince the male side of our household to extend a little more courtesy toward those of us who like to read Dear Abby before his morning "duty"? I don't even care if he leaves the seat up. -- DESPERATE IN DURANGO, COLO.

DEAR DESPERATE: It's time to do some detective work. If it's Sudoku your boyfriend is after, cut it out and tape it to the toilet seat so it's ready and waiting for him. That way you can have your dose of Dear Abby untouched.

However, if MY column is his guilty secret behind that closed door, your only alternative is to grab the section first, beat him in there and lock the door. In a case like this, victory belongs to the fleetest.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend of 12 years, "Kimberly," has been engaged to "Oliver" for about six months, living with him for four. She recently confided to me that she does not want to be married and regrets ever moving in with him. We both cried as she told me everything that has been going on. She apologized for not telling me sooner how unhappy she was.

The next day, Kimberly claimed she regretted saying anything because it made Oliver sound so horrible. She said she had failed to tell me the good things he does to balance out the bad. I remained noncommittal and told her I am always here to listen. I told her my rule is, "Are the good times worth the bad?" She said they weren't, and she still doesn't want to get married. But she also insists she won't back out or say anything.

What should I do? Now that I know everything, it is impossible for me to see my best friend, who I love, enter a marriage she herself says she doesn't want. Should I keep my mouth shut, or fight on her behalf, since she refuses to speak up? -- ADVOCATE FOR HAPPINESS IN SEATTLE

DEAR ADVOCATE: Neither one. Tell you friend that, feeling ambivalent as she does, she and Oliver should seek premarital counseling from the person who will officiate at their wedding. If this marriage is not to be, it will become evident to all three of them at that time.

DEAR ABBY: I dread getting my hair cut and colored at salons because I detest small talk. I can't get to the salon until after work, and by then I'm all small-talked-out. Is it rude to bring a book and read while someone is doing your hair? -- NOT A CHATTY CATHY, IRVINE, CALIF.

DEAR NOT CHATTY: It is not rude to bring along something to read while your hair is being colored. However, reading while you are getting your hair cut might be counterproductive.

In order to get the "line" right, your hairdresser would probably prefer that you sit with your head up, looking straight into the mirror rather than down. My hairdresser, Asya, is a perfectionist who insists upon it.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently lost my loyal companion of 12 years, my dog Buddy. His death has been difficult for me, although with each passing day the hurt eases a little.

My 3-year-old niece, "Tamara," adored Buddy. Her first words during any conversation usually were, "Where's Buddy?" or, "How is Buddy?" Tamara lives in another state, so she was able to see him only during visits to my home. I asked my sister to explain that Buddy had died and gone to heaven, hoping Tamara would understand why Buddy is no longer here with me. Sadly, she didn't do as I asked. The last time we talked Tamara said, "Maybe he'll be back from heaven when we come see you."

They're coming next month, and when they do I know I'll have to deal with Buddy's loss all over again. What's the best way to handle this with the least amount of hurt for all concerned? When her fish died, they flushed it down the toilet, and Tamara still thinks it will come swimming back one day. -- "AUNT LALA" IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR AUNT LALA: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your beloved Buddy. The way to handle this is, when your niece arrives and asks where Buddy is, tell her again that he died. And when she asks when he's coming back, tell her that when creatures die, they do not come back. It's the truth, and it may stop her from continually checking the toilet.

DEAR ABBY: Can you give me a lighthearted, polite response when someone says, "Shame on you!" for not doing something he thinks everyone should be doing -- like watching "Star Wars" movies and inconsequential things like that?

My husband has a colleague who says this constantly. We find it rude, but don't want to match his rudeness with our own. -- STUMPED IN ST. CLOUD, MINN.

DEAR STUMPED: You husband's colleague is not being rude. He's being asinine -- and for you and your husband to buy into it is a waste of your time and emotion.

The next time he says, "Shame on you" for something so trivial, just laugh and agree with him. "Yes, ha-ha. It's shameful." Then change the subject. No one has the right to dictate how you should spend your time, so take it with a grain of salt.

DEAR ABBY: I read an article in our local paper a while ago that said good employees who leave a company usually do so because of their boss.

With that in mind, I would like to bring closure to my recent resignation with the following open letter to my former boss:

"Thanks for asking me to stay on, but I respectfully decline. I will be self-employed from now on. However, if in the future I ever feel the need to be publicly humiliated, blind-sided, ostracized and called a spy, be distrusted and disciplined by superiors for no good reason, fight for wages that are rightfully mine, stabbed in the back by fellow employees, used as a pawn in executive rivalries, or (especially) chewed out when you're having a bad day, I'll get back to you!" -- MOVING ON IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR MOVING ON: I'm printing your letter. I hope that seeing it in print will be cathartic. I wish you good luck in your new career, where someday you may be a boss yourself. And if you are, I'm sure you will create a healthier office environment than the one you left.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Scott," and I are writers, although we both have day jobs. During the two years we've been together, we have always supported each other's writing careers.

Things changed after my first novel was published. While initially congratulatory, Scott's behavior was different as the publication date neared. He declined to help my friend throw me a party. When I spotted my book on the shelf of a bookstore for the first time, he chided me to keep my voice down. My novel has now been out for months, but he still hasn't read it. (I gave him one of my free copies.)

When I told Scott how much this hurt me, he agreed to read it and said he was proud of me. But after reading only one chapter, the book was left on the nightstand and he hasn't touched it since.

Scott is a talented writer. He has been published in literary magazines, but hasn't yet published a book. I sympathize with his jealousy and have tried to keep talk of my novel to a minimum. But I'm troubled by Scott's refusal to participate in this exciting period of my life. If he had written a 600-page tome on the digestive habits of the three-toed sloth, and I had to drink a pot of coffee to stay awake through the first chapter, I would still be first in line to buy it. Abby, what gives? -- FRUSTRATED NOVELIST

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I think you have pegged "what gives" accurately. Your boyfriend is suffering the effects of having been bitten by the green-eyed monster. Every reminder of your success gives him a pang because he wasn't published first -- and he may be punishing you for your success by leaving the book unread by the bed. (Anything else going on there?)

I'm sad to say that not every man is man enough to appreciate his woman's success. Some are emasculated by it. And frankly, it will be interesting to see if your relationship survives this.

DEAR ABBY: I have a close friend who is divorced with one son. What is your opinion of a father who insists his 11-year-old son -- and since he was even younger -- respond to his father with, "Yes, sir"? If the son responds with, "Yes, Dad," "Yes," "Yeah, Dad," etc., the father responds with "WHAT did you say?" until the son responds with "Yes, sir."

The father has been deemed a narcissist by three court-appointed psychiatrists. He is a control freak, and I feel this is mental abuse to the son. What are your thoughts? -- APPALLED IN GLENDALE, OHIO

DEAR APPALLED: Please don't be so quick to judge. The "narcissist" could also come from a military background or be from the South, where "Yes, sir," and "Yes, ma'am," are considered common good manners.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)