DEAR ABBY: I am a single parent, although I never intended to be. Last fall, I was asked to baby-sit a 14-year-old boy. He has been in my custody ever since. His mother abandoned him. Only in the last month have I actually gotten legal custody of him from Social Services. The problems he had prior to being with me have caused me legal expenses I never could have imagined. (They are all paid now.)

I sold my truck and moved out of my original apartment, so I don't have much. We have no furniture other than the beds we sleep on and a dining room table we received as a gift. I have no idea where to go for help. I have no idea what I am doing as a parent. But I made a promise to that boy, and I fully intend to make sure that I carry it through. What do I need to know? -- NEW FATHER IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR NEW FATHER: Congratulations on becoming a father. You have already mastered the most important lesson on becoming a parent -- and that's being there for your child. The library is filled with books on parenting, and I'm sure you will find some answers there. But you are already a stable influence, and that's what the boy needs. You should also know that there is money available to take care of your boy, and the Department of Social Services should be able to help you get it.

DEAR ABBY: Due to years of abuse at the hands of my parents, I decided I could no longer continue a relationship with them. Ten years ago, for the sake of my mental health, I took control and cut the "disease" out of my life. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but it was also one of the best decisions I ever made. I am now a happier, healthier person and have no regrets.

My problem is people who hear about my decision feel the need to tell me about the "inevitable regret" I will feel, and that I should forget the past and make amends.

My decision was not made lightly. I gave it considerable thought and, while it may not be the right choice for everyone, it was the right one for me. People are entitled to their opinion, but I am tired of feeling as though I have to defend myself.

Please encourage your readers to respect the decisions of others, even if they don't always agree.

-- PEACE AT LAST IN TORONTO

DEAR PEACE AT LAST: Do not feel you have to defend yourself. Those who are trying to warn you about your "inevitable regret" are speaking through the filter of their own experience. They do not understand that some family relationships are toxic rather than nurturing, so don't argue the issue. Accept that they mean well and tune them out. You have suffered enough.

DEAR ABBY: I'm starting a small business and have begun to purchase office equipment. When any recent purchase comes up in conversation, the next thing out of people's mouths is, "How much did that cost?"

I think that question is extremely presumptuous. I don't ask them how much their new car or their new house cost them. What's the best way to politely ignore the question? -- JUST WONDERING IN ITHACA, N.Y.

DEAR JUST WONDERING: If you bring up the subject of a new purchase, it is natural for people to be curious. The way to avoid a problem like yours is not to "go there" in the first place. My advice is to stop talking about the items you're buying, and your problem will resolve itself.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 27-year-old woman who has been dating my boyfriend for a number of years. As exciting as the thought of marriage sounds, it is also scary. Too many times I have heard that a couple separated because they had "grown apart" or "grew in different directions."

How does a couple go about preventing this from happening? There have to be things we can do to protect ourselves against this -- but what are they? Your advice would be appreciated. -- SKITTISH IN MAPLE GROVE, MINN.

DEAR SKITTISH: Couples grow apart when they stop talking and listening to each other, when they fight instead of disagree, and when they forget the reasons they married in the first place. They also run into trouble if they're not on the same page before marriage about how to handle money, whether they are sexually compatible, and how their children should be raised.

Premarital counseling is helpful in bringing out these issues, and some churches now insist upon it. Intelligent people get to really know each other before taking the leap, as you and your boyfriend have already done. However, even longtime couples need to make sure they have all their cards on the table before embarking on the sea of matrimony, and to fully recognize they cannot change the other person.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend, "Amanda," I met last year at school. I consider her my best friend, and people comment on how we're always together.

Amanda's family doesn't have much money, so when she tells me she's broke I don't hesitate to give her money. I have bought her meals and movie tickets, too. It wouldn't bother me if she ever said a simple "thank you" or "please" to me.

My parents have noticed it, too. They are annoyed that Amanda has never thanked them for letting her spend the night. My dad recently commented that it's rude that she never says "hello" to him when he comes home and she is there.

What can I do about Amanda's manners? Am I wrong to be bothered by her lack of them? I don't want to lose her as a friend, but it's something I can't seem to let go.

-- LITTLE MISS MANNERS

DEAR L.M.M.: More is lacking in Amanda's household than money. Think about it. Where did you learn the basic social graces? From your parents, of course. The reason for Amanda's poor manners is that she was never taught otherwise.

Have a talk with your friend and explain what the rules are in your household. You don't have to be mean when you do -- and you'll be doing her a favor.

DEAR ABBY: From time to time you print helpful hints from readers, and mine could possibly save some families from incurring an expensive plumbing repair.

I have been married and divorced twice. As a younger man, my wives and I always flushed our cigarette butts down the toilet when in the bathroom. One day, we had a serious plumbing problem -- our toilet overflowed. After getting the plumbing bill we found out all the cigarette filters had eventually closed up our sewer line. It was a costly lesson I hope other smokers will heed -- and I'm not even mentioning the risk of cancer. -- SMARTER NOW IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR SMARTER NOW: I won't mention the subject of cancer either. Thank you for your helpful suggestion, as well as the reminder that toilets were not intended for the type of butts you were flushing.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: On April 11 you asked what your readers think is right with American society. I'll bet you were inundated with responses to that question, and I hope you allow me to be one of those who answer it.

Here in Orange County, Calif., there are more than 5,000 volunteer organizations, supporting everything from the arts to zoos. Thousands of people give their time and money to help others and provide benefits to their community. And this is just one American county. If we counted the number of active volunteers in America doing good works, I'm sure the number would be in the millions. That is just one of the things that we're doing "right."

-- DIANE J., LAGUNA NIGUEL, CALIF.

DEAR DIANE: Your hunch was on the money. I was swamped with letters and e-mails from readers wanting to contribute their thoughts. Today I'll share a sample, because I know they will bring a smile. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: What's right with our society? I believe it's our young people. I have been a church youth leader for 30 years. It's the most rewarding job in the world! Their willingness to share their love of life is exciting. They actively offer their opinions, and they have good ideas to express. This world needs color and variety, and I believe our youth are our hope for the future. -- JOHN T., SPRINGFIELD, ORE.

DEAR ABBY: I'm thankful for the Bill of Rights that has insured the freedoms we take for granted. I appreciate the safety net of Social Security that is in place for the disabled, the elderly and the orphaned. I'm grateful that medical technology reaches out to people whether in a big city or an isolated farming community. I applaud a process that allows voters to be informed about the ideas, policies, achievements and opinions of those seeking elected office.

But most of all, I'm thankful that transitions in our society which happen almost daily occur without violence or military intervention. It gives me hope for my grandchildren's future in a peace-loving country.

-- MARIE D., VERMILLION, S.D.

DEAR ABBY: I'm grateful to live in the United States, where I am free. I'm free to speak and move around the country. I am free to choose whom I elect as president without fear of suppression. I am free to choose my religion. I am free as a woman, not an entity that someone owns and dictates to.

Yes, we have our problems that need to be addressed. And now is the time for our voices to be heard. It IS "We" the people. -- GRATEFUL IN O'FALLON, ILL.

DEAR ABBY: I am a high school student in Lake Crystal, Minn. What's right about American society is our compassion. Not only do we help other countries in times of crisis, but we also care about our fellow Americans. Having family around the Twin Cities during the 35-W bridge collapse, my mind was at ease. I knew if I had family members in the collapse, they would be helped because I live in a country where people are born with the instinct to help others during a disaster. -- EVER HOPEFUL

DEAR ABBY: In our society we have the freedom to be whoever we want to be. The only thing holding anyone back in this country is him- or herself. -- KATHERINE IN RALEIGH, N.C.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)