DEAR ABBY: I'm writing to praise all those friends and family who support their loved ones through and after abusive relationships.

A year ago, I ended a 2 1/2-year relationship with a controlling, emotionally abusive man. During those years, I almost completely ignored my best friend. I was never available to see her socially, and our telephone conversations were few and far between.

I didn't deserve the generosity she showed me after the breakup. If I was sad or lonely, she was there for me every second of the day. She stayed with me long hours while I adjusted to single life, and even dragged her nauseated self (she was pregnant) out with me while I attempted to resume a social life.

I know I am not the only woman who has received friendship, support and love even when they haven't given the same. Readers who have helped loved ones to restructure their lives after an abusive relationship should know that we regard them as angels. They have given us an enormous gift just by answering the phone, sitting with us, or giving us a much-needed hug. I hope all of you know how valuable you are. -- INDEBTED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR INDEBTED: I am printing your letter not only because of your tribute to your good friend, but also because of an important point that may have escaped you. Please stop flogging yourself for being unable to give your friend the attention she deserved while you were involved with an abuser.

One of the first things abusers (of both sexes, by the way) do is to isolate their victims from friends and family. It is often done gradually, so the person doesn't realize what is happening until it's too late. After all, when we love someone we don't want to do anything that would make him (or her) uncomfortable, or cause him/her to sulk -- so we allow them to monopolize our time until there isn't any left to give to anyone else. That is what happened to you, and it appears your friend understood that fact. Kudos to her.

DEAR ABBY: I work in retail, and one of my regular customers is a man who stutters. It takes him 10 seconds or more to speak certain words. Would it be considered rude to provide the word for him until he gets caught up? I feel it would relieve him from an uncomfortable situation. My co-worker says it would be rude and would only add to his frustration. Who is right? -- WANTS TO BE HELPFUL, SOUTH DAYTONA, FLA.

DEAR WANTS TO BE HELPFUL: I agree with your co-worker. Do not finish the man's sentence for him. Not only would it be a breach of etiquette to draw attention to his problem, you could also lose a regular customer.

DEAR ABBY: May I comment on a sensitive issue I have never seen addressed in your column? I have noticed an increasing number of memorials at accident sites along freeways and roads.

While I sympathize with the bereaved families, is it necessary to have two places to mourn the loss of their loved one? Isn't the cemetery enough? -- M.H. IN L.A.

DEAR M.H.: The memorials you describe are intended as a gesture of respect, and also to remind motorists that the area can be dangerous. However, if a memorial becomes a distraction, the authorities may order it removed.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently entertained a childhood friend as a houseguest. It was our first visit in many years. After she left, I noticed several treasured heirlooms were missing -- a hand-blown glass horse sculpture and a bowl from a prominent glass company in Italy. I had hand-carried those pieces home from Italy as gifts for my parents, who have since died. They were the only things that I had from my parents, and they are irreplaceable.

I heard my friend talk about "getting" items from work. Even though I was shocked, I said nothing. I can't prove that she took the sculpture and bowl, but they were here before she came and gone after her departure. No one else has been in my home. What should I do? -- NO MORE INVITATIONS

DEAR NO MORE INVITATIONS: Your childhood friend may be a kleptomaniac, or jealous of the life you have lived and took the items as a way to "even the score." One way to get your things back would be to pay the woman an unexpected visit and retrieve the items to which she helped herself. Do not go unaccompanied.

If you have photographs of the sculpture and the bowl displayed in your home, not only would they be "proof" of what she took, they could also be helpful for insuring other items of value.

DEAR ABBY: "Brent" and I have been friends since grammar school. We had always had chemistry, so at 18 we took it to another level and started dating. After three months, I broke it off because it didn't "feel right." Brent hadn't cheated on me -- in fact, we got along perfectly.

We are now 21 and ran into each other recently. All the feelings I had for him came flooding back and -- to my amazement -- he said he felt the same way.

Only one thing is holding me back. I have heard the phrase, "An ex is an ex for a reason." What is your opinion? -- FOUND MY SOULMATE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR FOUND YOUR SOULMATE: Sometimes there is a kernel of truth in those hackneyed cliches. And that's why it is important for you and Brent to carefully examine what went wrong the first time before becoming involved again. It could save one or both of you from getting hurt.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to thank you for a letter you printed near the end of last year. It was from "Walter H.," who was dismayed at the lack of handwritten correspondence he received. After reading his letter I was moved to send a special letter to my grandmother. I wrote it by hand and expressed my deep appreciation for everything she had done for me and also thanked her for the important role she had played in my life.

A few months later, my dear grandmother was gone. I must say that being able to tell her how much she meant to me, and being able to thank her for all she had done, helped me through the grieving process after her passing. I felt as though I had been able to say my piece to her and let her know exactly how much she was loved.

Walter H.'s letter provided me with that little bit of incentive to write my grandmother, and it helped me in so many ways. My sincere thanks to you both. -- THANKFUL GRANDSON IN TORONTO

DEAR THANKFUL: I'm sure Walter H. will be as touched to read your letter as I was. Your acknowledgment of your grandmother's role in your life was the most meaningful gift you could have given her, and I'm glad you didn't procrastinate about expressing it.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I work in the personnel office of a municipality. We will soon be hiring new staff for the school system, and each year I am amazed by some of the behavior I see. Allow me to offer a few tips for new hires in ANY business.

(1) Please dress appropriately. I'm sure you did for the interview, so do it again when you stop by personnel. Before you leave your home, bend over in front of a mirror as if you were at a desk or counter. And check both the front and back views. I have seen parts of the anatomy that should be viewed only by your doctor or spouse. Also, that floral tattoo on your abdomen may be cute in a bikini, but it's inappropriate for an office.

(2) Please leave your children at home. You must have hired a sitter for your interview. Please do it again for your visit to personnel. While we try to explain your health insurance and other benefits to you, you should not be chasing a 2-year-old around the office or down the hall.

(3) Please turn off your cell phone. This is not an appropriate time to discuss a luncheon date with your neighbor. Also, if your family can't survive 20 minutes without speaking to you, perhaps you should not be in our office. -- SEEN IT ALL IN CENTRAL MAINE

DEAR SEEN IT ALL (and I'm sure you have): Thank you for your commonsense suggestions. Different offices hold employees to different standards of dress and behavior. Until a new employee is certain of what those standards are, the sensible thing to do is to err on the side of conservatism in both manner and dress. A word to the wise ...

DEAR ABBY: Summer begins tomorrow, and many parents are wondering how to keep their children entertained. I have a simple no-cost answer to that dilemma: Visit your local library.

Most libraries offer summer programs for kids that not only encourage them to read, but also provide access to wonderful educational opportunities. Libraries offer adult programs as well, which allow us parents a chance to enjoy a few good books while demonstrating to our kids how much fun it is to read.

My children are excited to be a part of the summer program, and I am thrilled that they have something to look forward to. -- BOOK MOM IN TEXAS

DEAR BOOK MOM: Great suggestion. There are exciting new worlds to be explored by both children and adults between the covers of books. Although it can vary by region, some libraries offer programs for children that include reading clubs, puppet shows, story time, and sometimes more. Parents should check to see what's available, because learning what a valuable resource the public library is, is an important lesson in itself.

DEAR ABBY: I have two children under the age of 4. When they address adults -- including baby sitters -- I have taught them to preface it with "Ms." or "Mr." and the person's first name. We consider it a form of respect, and although I realize that each parent has her (or his) own take on this, it has begun to bother me when their children address us by our first names. Am I making a big deal out of nothing? -- WONDERING IN LIVONIA, MICH.

DEAR WONDERING: As you point out, different families have different standards. Because you prefer to be called "Ms.," bring it not only to the attention of the child, but also to the child's parent, and your wishes should be respected.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)