DEAR ABBY: Please answer a question that has me perplexed. Why do people collect autographs?

I do not understand the need for a collection of signatures, regardless of how famous -- or infamous -- the person may be. I have never had the need to brag or show proof that I encountered "someone." In fact, I feel it's a breach of a person's privacy to approach and ask for a signature.

I realize that some may collect autographs for their monetary value, but what's the reasoning behind it? Book signings, I get. Movie posters, promotional items, baseball cards and sports memorabilia, I get. But I don't understand adults (and sometimes children) approaching someone famous and asking them to sign something.

Can you explain what's the big deal? -- NO AUTOGRAPH HOUND, PONTOTOC, MISS.

DEAR NO AUTOGRAPH HOUND: While I can't speak for every autograph collector, I suspect that many people ask for autographs because it provides them an opening to speak to someone whose work they admire or whom they think is attractive. And most celebrities -- although not all -- enjoy having that kind of contact with their fans.

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing "Kevin" for two years. I love him very much. But when we are at home together I have to beg to make him hug or kiss me.

I know he loves me; he just doesn't like affection. In the past, girlfriends have broken up with him over this. Abby, I need more physical contact! Is this normal, or is there something wrong? -- CRAVING IN DENVER

DEAR CRAVING: It's not normal. While some men are more affectionate than others, you should not have to "beg" for affection. Eventually Kevin's behavior will make you begin to question your attractiveness.

Please understand that you cannot change another person. If this is how you want to live the rest of your life, keep seeing Kevin. If not, take a clue from his former girlfriends and find someone who can give you the affection you crave.

DEAR ABBY: I have a relative who is spoiled, immature, disrespectful to her parents and has done nothing productive in her life. I have spent time with this person because I had to; however, I do not love her. The fact is, I don't even like her.

My question is, what would I say to someone who asks me if I love that relative? What can I say that is not hurtful -- but not lie either? -- PERPLEXED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PERPLEXED: Frankly, I find it odd and somewhat intrusive that someone would ask you that question. However, if you are confronted, be honest (up to a point) and say that although you are related, you are not close. Then change the subject.

DEAR ABBY: Your response to "Livonia, Mich., Reader" (April 27) was ALMOST correct. Please allow me to clarify.

Every law school graduate is awarded a J.D. (Juris Doctor) regardless of his/her performance on the bar exam. However, only graduates who PASS the bar exam can be called Esquire (Esq.) Simply put, J.D. is the degree; Esq. is the qualification to practice law. -- FORMER LEGAL SECRETARY

DEAR FORMER LEGAL SECRETARY: I had relied on my dictionary for the answer to that question. Thank you for educating me -- to a "degree."

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I couldn't help but notice the letter you published April 28, regarding releasing doves for events. While it's true that the birds you mentioned would not survive in the wild, you did not tell the full story regarding dove releases.

The fact is, all over the world, professionals are using pure white homing pigeons for special events. Members of the White Dove Release Professionals follow a code of ethics regarding the safety and care of "rock doves." The group's release policy requires that these birds are carefully trained to return quickly and safely home to their well-managed lofts. Upon release, they most often beat their caretakers home.

When properly and ethically done, White Dove Release Professionals can provide a beautiful release. Please let your readers know they can go to � HYPERLINK "http://www.white-dove-releases.com" ��www.white-dove-releases.com� for further information. -- LISA KNIGHT, NAMPA, IDAHO

DEAR LISA: Apparently that letter and my response ruffled some feathers, so allow me to offer another suggestion regarding dove/pigeon releases: Always make sure to use a reputable company, and that the birds they release are white homing pigeons and not ringneck doves. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: It is too time-consuming and expensive to raise white doves and then throw them to a certain death. Anyone who would release a "true" white dove at an event is an idiot.

Now for some real "education." White doves released at weddings and special events are not really white doves, but are the larger racing pigeons. Smaller white doves are often displayed in decorative cages. When it's time to release the birds, the white racing pigeons are substituted and released. The average person doesn't know the difference, and the pigeons can find their way home over great distances. -- PIGEON/DOVE FANCIER IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR ABBY: I have to admit I never thought twice about the release of white doves either -- until I attended the funeral of an acquaintance. As the casket was being lowered into the ground, the family released a white dove to symbolize the spirit of the deceased ascending to heaven. The poor creature was confused and circled the area several time before flying toward a wooded area. At the same time, a large hawk was circling nearby. Thankfully we were all spared witnessing the kill, but I doubt that poor dove, with its snow white feathers, lived to see the next morning. -- MARGO IN ZANESVILLE, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: White pigeons are banded and pedigreed, and are able to survive in the wild if necessary. Sometimes they do become disoriented due to inclement weather, but barring cats, BB guns and hawks, they return home 98 percent of the time. -- BOB IN KENTUCKY

DEAR ABBY: Allow me to inject a dose of reality. Until the invention of the telegraph, homing pigeons were the only reliable form of rapid communication. From the days of King Solomon to G.I. Joe, the pigeon corps was an important unit in every army. We love our birds and take good care of them. The white ringneck dove (much smaller) is the species that "unethical" individuals use for these purposes.

Anyone who would like more information should contact the American Racing Pigeon Union at � HYPERLINK "http://www.pigeon.com" ��www.pigeon.�org. -- JERRY HOLT, HEAVEN SENT WHITE DOVE RELEASE

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am greatly worried about the health of my parents. My mother has Type 2 diabetes, and my father has high cholesterol and blood pressure. Both of them have poor eating habits.

I have tried convincing them to eat healthier and exercise, but they are stuck in their old ways. Mom still brings home cookies, brownies and candy, and Dad still eats cheese and deep-fried foods. How can I get them to adopt a healthier lifestyle? -- DEEPLY CONCERNED DAUGHTER, LOS GATOS, CALIF.

DEAR DAUGHTER: As much as you love your parents, you cannot do for them what they refuse to do for themselves. I am assuming that their physician has warned them about what will happen if they continue eating the way they do.

You can offer encouragement, but you cannot force them to give up their unhealthy lifestyle. You can also learn from their poor example and not backslide into the eating habits you learned as a child growing up in their household.

DEAR ABBY: A group of us from work go out for drinks a few times a week. My boss's husband hits on me in front of her, and she doesn't say anything. A few of my co-workers are lesbians, and they hit on me, too. I don't have a boyfriend, but I have never been attracted to people of the same sex. I enjoy going out, but feel uncomfortable, and they are my only friends. How do I stop all this nonsense? -- BRENDA ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR BRENDA: The surest way to "stop the nonsense" would be to quit mixing business and personal relationships. Inform your boss that her husband's behavior is sexual harassment, and you want her to put a stop to it. Tell your co-workers that while you like them, you are straight, and if they don't stop hitting on you, you will report it to your boss. And last, instead of socializing with these people after work, join a gym or sign up for a class where you will meet new people and develop new relationships.

DEAR ABBY: I am 21, but look a few years younger than my age. I recently underwent a procedure at my orthodontist's office that turned out to be more painful than expected. It lasted almost an hour, and one of the professionals seemed to think it would be helpful to talk "baby talk" to me for the entire duration. Being talked to like that, in addition to the pain I was experiencing, was extremely irritating.

A few of my friends have told me that they have also been treated this way by medical professionals. What would be a polite way to tell someone to just shut up with the baby talk? -- IRRITATED ADULT IN BOSTON

DEAR IRRITATED ADULT: You should not tell the person to "shut up with the baby talk." Your message will come across stronger if you tell the person -- once the procedure is finished -- that being spoken to like a child was patronizing, and in the future you would prefer to be spoken to like the adult you are.

DEAR ABBY: After my kids come home from swim practice at the local high school, my wife insists they take a shower to clean off. I figure that any chemicals added to the pool, like chlorine, will kill off the germs. So my question is, is it necessary to shower after swimming in a chlorinated pool? -- FATHER KNOWS BEST (IN SAN DIEGO)

DEAR FATHER: In this case, mother knows best. Chlorine is a harsh chemical that is drying to the skin and damaging to the hair. Your children should listen to their mother, and you should stop trying to undercut her.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)