DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old woman. My fiance of five years, "Troy," and I live together and are the parents of a 5-month-old baby girl.

We have been going out recently to dance at our favorite club, but every time we go, Troy disappears and leaves me with his best friend -- sometimes up to five hours at a time.

The club has several stories, with many secluded nooks, so Troy is hard to find. When I finally locate him, he's sweaty and has a weird look on his face. When I ask where he was and why he disappeared, I get no answers.

His friend covers for him. My fiance and I have never had a night out without this guy coming with us, and I'm tired of Troy's disappearing act. Something is going on.

He calls me paranoid, but I think if you leave your fiancee every time you go out, something is not right.

Am I being paranoid? Or does he have someone stashed in the club waiting for him? By the way, I make most of the money and pay for the nights out. -- SUSPICIOUS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: Obviously something is up -- another woman, or possibly your fiance is using drugs -- and his best friend is there to make sure you don't find out. I hope you don't actually plan to marry this man, because he does not appear to be financially or emotionally ready for marriage. In fact, it appears he's happy as things are -- with you as his meal ticket.

However, to settle your curiosity, the next time you plan to go dancing, ask a girlfriend to come to the club separately and spend the evening tracking Troy. That should give you a clear picture of what has been going on behind the scenes.

DEAR ABBY: I have the most annoying laugh. It goes from a cackle to a loud screech. I have lost friends over this because people don't enjoy being seen in public with me. Is there anything I can do to solve this problem? -- KRISTEN IN WAYNE, N.J.

DEAR KRISTEN: It is possible to modulate one's laughter, as it is one's speaking voice. It takes practice and discipline, but it can be done.

However, there is much to be said for a genuine, spontaneous, hearty laugh. And those who would end a friendship because they don't want to be seen in public with you are shallow. So perhaps you should reconsider whether you want to be seen with THEM.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently invited to a friend's house for the weekend. As I prepared to retire for the night, I realized that the sheets were not clean.

I looked for another set of sheets to change the bed, but couldn't find any. It was late, my hostess had gone to bed and -- needless to say -- I didn't have a great night's sleep. I didn't want to embarrass her, but I didn't want to sleep on a soiled bed. How would you have handled this? -- SLEEPLESS IN COLORADO

DEAR SLEEPLESS: I would have slept on the bedspread or outside the covers, and in the morning I would have asked my hostess for fresh sheets "because the last guest forgot to change the linen."

CONFIDENTIAL TO PAULINE PHILLIPS, MY DARLING MOTHER: A Happy Mother's Day from your firstborn. You are in my heart, my thoughts and my prayers today and every day.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I was taught that when you don't know a person's political affiliation, it is impolite to discuss politics, especially if it involves disparaging others (name-calling, putting down political candidates, etc.).

I am often approached by people seeking agreement with their views. They make insulting comments regarding the political views of others and then say, "Right?" This makes me terribly uncomfortable, so I often say nothing, which only further fuels them to continue their negative diatribes.

How do I stop these political assaults and let them know I find it rude without being rude myself? -- WANTS TO BE POLITE IN COLORADO

DEAR WANTS TO BE POLITE: There is nothing impolite about saying, "You know, this topic of conversation is making me uncomfortable. Can we please change it?" And if the person persists, it is also not impolite to excuse yourself because you have some previous business to attend to. And that's what I'm advising you to do, because to stand and listen implies agreement.

DEAR ABBY: As Mother's Day approaches, please remind your readers to appreciate and SPEND TIME with their mothers while they are on this Earth. This year, Mother's Day will mark exactly one year since my dear, sweet mother died in my home. She had been living in a nursing home for more than two years, suffering from dementia, but got pneumonia. I brought her to my home from the hospital for the last two weeks of her life.

I am left with so many "what ifs" and "I should haves," but I did the best I could with what I knew then. I saw so many patients in the nursing home who seldom -- if ever -- had any visitors, it made me sick.

I just want everyone to take time in their busy lives to devote to their parents while they are still here. I am grateful that God gave us those last two weeks with Mom. I feel she knew where she was, and it brought all of us peace. There were too many times I was "too busy" with my family. Please just be there for your mom or dad. -- WISHING MOM WERE HERE, IN EAU CLAIRE, WIS.

DEAR WISHING: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your dear mother. For you, Mother's Day will always carry with it a tinge of sadness. Please do not burden yourself further with "what ifs" and "should haves." Live in the moment. Regret is the cancer of life. When you visit the cemetery, you might find comfort in reciting the following prayer from the Hebrew Union Prayer Book:

"I remember thee in this solemn hour, my dear mother. I remember the days when thou didst dwell on earth, and thy tender love watched over me like a guardian angel. Thou hast gone from me, but the bond which unites our souls can never be severed; thine image lives within my heart. May the merciful Father reward thee for the faithfulness and kindness thou hast ever shown me; may he lift up the light of his countenance upon thee and grant thee eternal peace! Amen."

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are wondering if you could settle an etiquette question. We don't want our neighbors to hate us, so on Saturdays or Sundays, how early can we start using heavy lawn care equipment, like chain saws and wood chippers? -- SLEEPING IN FROM CALIFORNIA

DEAR SLEEPING IN: You're asking the wrong person. Ask your neighbors and see if you can arrange a time that is agreeable to all of you. But first check to see what the local noise ordinance dictates.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: A man I know is engaged to a woman 20 years younger. I think she's a gold digger, and here's why: She waved his credit card around after he gave it to her saying, "Look what I've got!" (He was not present.)

After he bought her a million-dollar house, she told her kids that they have to "act rich" now, and after he bought her a new car, she drove it -- slowly -- around her ex-husband's neighborhood so everyone could see it. She was unfaithful to her ex several times with wealthy men, and has told her friends that if they want to meet men with money, they should go to the expensive golf courses.

She complains to her kids about her fiance behind his back, but tells them they need to "treat him nice" and "act happy" around him because he has given them lots of money. And as soon as she got her diamond ring, her kids started telling people that she gets all his money when he dies.

I have seen a list of warning signs of an abuser in your column. Do you have one for spotting a gold digger? -- SEES RED FLAGS IN UTAH

DEAR SEES RED: Webster's New World Dictionary defines "gold digger" as "a woman who in her personal relations with men tries to get money and gifts from them." I feel sorry for that woman's fiance because sooner or later he is going to find out how off-kilter her values are.

While I haven't printed a list of red flags for a gold digger (aka manipulator), some phrases to watch out for are, "If you really loved me, you'd ( )" or, "Prove you love me by giving me ( )."

One more thing: Gold diggers are never satisfied. They are bottomless pits that can never be filled. Regardless how many material things they are given, they want more.

DEAR ABBY: Our 16-year-old daughter, "Nola," is pregnant. My husband and I are, to say the least, very disappointed in her. We do not believe in abortion, so we're going to have Nola home-schooled until the baby is born, and then it will be given up for adoption.

What I need is advice on how to deal with this with our 10-year-old daughter. There is no way the pregnancy can be hidden from her, especially since the girls share a room. Our youngest daughter knows the basic facts of life, but does not fully understand that girls who are not married sometimes get pregnant and have babies.

I obviously do not want the same thing to happen to her, so I want her to understand that this is very wrong, but want to do so without demonizing her sister, whom she loves and looks up to. -- WORRIED OUT WEST

DEAR WORRIED: Your younger daughter will learn a great deal as Nola's pregnancy progresses. She will see your disappointment, hear your disapproval of sex outside of marriage -- not to mention how irresponsible Nola and the father of the baby were for not using birth control -- and witness firsthand the pain Nola experiences at placing her child with another family. And if that's not a sobering object lesson, nothing will be.

So worry less, and spend more time letting both of your daughters know you love them unconditionally.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)