DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Vincent," and I have been together for 10 years. We have two beautiful children, a good marriage and a close bond with my family.

Vincent's family disowned him when he married me because of my race, and he's now starting to feel the full emotional impact. He is angry and disappointed with his family, but I know he misses them terribly. I have been called every name in the book by his mother, ignored by his siblings and brought to tears by his father's hateful words. I refuse to expose our children to that kind of treatment, so I have not pushed Vincent to contact his family, even though I feel he should try.

Abby, his family grew up hating minorities, and I doubt they have changed since we last spoke. What can I do to help my husband though this without exposing myself and the children to their ignorance and bigotry? I know our kids will face this issue sometime, but it shouldn't come from family. -- UNACKNOWLEDGED IN ARIZONA

DEAR UNACKNOWLEDGED: I agree that it shouldn't come from family. So just listen when your husband vents, because his anger and disappointment are justified. Do not push him to contact his family. They are so vested in their bias that it's unlikely they will change.

Vincent made his choice 10 years ago, and he chose you. And that is why, rather than dwelling on the past, he should focus his energies on creating a successful and fulfilling future with you, his beautiful children and the family who has embraced him.

DEAR ABBY: My wife has a terminal illness, and we have begun the unpleasant task of making final arrangements. Our children are all in their teens.

Our youngest, "Mitch," is 15 and does not want to attend his mother's funeral. He says he would rather remember her as she is now instead of in a casket.

I know funerals are good for people because they give a sense of closure, but if Mitch doesn't want to go, I'm not sure I should press the issue. Can you please advise?

-- SAD DAD IN ARIZONA

DEAR SAD DAD: My heart goes out to your family at this difficult time. I'm glad you wrote, because I, too, have reservations about pressuring your son. This is a decision that he will have to arrive at on his own.

However, no law dictates that he would have to see his mother lying in the casket. It is my understanding that private farewells can be made with the casket open or closed. Please explain this to him. Also, when the time comes, he may change his mind and want to see her. It's a very personal decision.

DEAR ABBY: My sister, "Mara," has a temper. When she gets mad at our mom and stepfather, she goes into our room and slams the door as hard as she can. It has started to damage the door and walls, and they're fed up with it.

Our stepfather told Mara that if she does not stop it, he will take the door off. If it was just her, I would say she deserves it. But, it's my room, too, and it will take away MY privacy. Shouldn't he find some other type of punishment so I won't have to suffer, too? -- NOT MY FAULT IN MAINE

DEAR NOT YOUR FAULT: Yes, in fairness, he should. Surely, with enough ingenuity, your parents can think of a penalty designed "just for her" -- such as revoking her phone privileges, docking her allowance or grounding her -- that won't penalize an innocent bystander. (That's you.)

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: "Mrs. Couch Potato" (Feb. 28) complained that she's finding in retirement that her husband isn't interested in social activities. Please tell her she's not alone.

My husband and I are retired, as are most of the couples around us. It seems the men were so busy working that when they came home, all they wanted to do was to rest and decompress. I have discovered that men are not as social as women.

I'm not sure I agree that "Mister Couch Potato" is depressed, as you suggested. He's probably no different than he has been for the past 30 years. His wife was likely so busy she never noticed.

My suggestion to her would be to continue enjoying her activities. Couples don't have to be together 24/7. Plan an occasional outing with another couple. Invite someone over for dinner. If she waits for her husband to plan something, it won't happen. Check out activities at the local library. Go do some together. Mr. Couch Potato may eventually find something he enjoys. It takes time. -- HAPPY WIFE OF A RETIRED HUSBAND

DEAR HAPPY WIFE: Thank you for your insight. Responses to "Mrs. Couch Potato's" letter were varied on this subject -- an important one because many couples face similar issues after retirement. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I'm a seasoned curmudgeon and have been retired quite awhile. Why is a man considered "anti-social" and in need of counseling because he wants to enjoy his few remaining years by being left alone? That's why they call it "retirement." If a man has been a productive member of society, provided for his family, been there for his children and been a good husband, does he need to have his last little bit of soul sucked dry?

Perhaps it's the wife who should examine her concept of retirement and seek counseling to find out why it's so important her husband adapt to her vision of how things should be. -- SPUD SR. IN AKRON, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: I have been married 49 years, and my wife and I work out our problems without a counselor. If she would like the two of them to be active, I suggest they join a fraternal organization that offers a slate of social activities and charitable-giving opportunities.

No longer having job-related responsibilities has created a vacuum for the husband that needs to be filled. He probably has skills and interests that an organization could use through volunteer services. Fraternal organizations foster good friendships and good times, and often keep couples focused outside their home environment and for the common good. -- IT WORKED FOR ME IN OREGON

DEAR ABBY: As a busy hairdresser who has been dealing with people for years, I have had enough social interaction to last the rest of my life. I savor my alone time and use it to read, go online, watch TV, play with my dogs, do yard work, etc. I love when my adult kids visit, and I love it when they leave.

My husband is busy with hobbies and friends, and sometimes goes by himself to car shows, surfing contests or other events I'm not interested in. We're perfectly compatible and have no issues in our marriage. Our time together is filled with laughter and conversation. At work, I come across as very social, but deep down I'm like Mrs. Couch Potato's husband. She should enjoy her space and activities apart from her husband. Partners who are independent transition easier in widowhood than those who are joined at the hip. -- DIANA IN SANTA MARIA, CALIF.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother needs help, but will not listen to my brother or me. She has always respected your advice, and she needs it desperately now.

Mama is a retired nurse. A little over a year ago, she moved from Florida to Virginia to live with her boyfriend, "Rudy." Rudy is extremely wealthy. He owns three homes and commercial real estate. However, he suffers from mental illness. Mama has told us that Rudy is bipolar. He also has no respect for women. He orders her around, and she must answer "Yes, sir" or "No, sir." Even though this man has millions, he and Mama are living in one room above a barn.

Rudy's wife died several years ago. He has two sons, neither of whom speak to him. Mama says she moved from her lovely home to live with him because she's "looking at the big picture." Because Rudy is wealthy, she wants us to benefit from what he has, even if she doesn't.

My brother and I can't bear her living like this. Their room has limited plumbing and -- to put it politely -- it smells. There is also evidence of rodents. Please, Abby, how can we make Mama see what she's doing to herself and to us? We love her. We don't want her to sacrifice her last years for our future financial comfort. -- HURTING FOR MOM

DEAR HURTING: Please forgive me if this seems harsh. Your mother is living in squalor with a rich man who treats her like an employee, and she thinks it will somehow benefit YOU? She is seriously misguided. Because your mother and Rudy are both adults, and presumably not a danger to themselves or to others, it could take a crowbar to separate them.

However, if you want your mother out of there, talk to his sons about what's going on and your feelings about it. I'll bet they'll not only start speaking to their father, she'll be out of there in a jiffy.

DEAR ABBY: I have an etiquette question. Is it impolite to ask a member of the royal family for an autograph? -- FAN IN DE BARY, FLA.

DEAR FAN: My experts tell me that to approach a royal in such a fashion would be highly inappropriate, and no one does it. However, in recent years, some upper lips may have become less stiffened. Therefore, it might be all right to ask a young prince --- but don't ask an old queen.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and have a stepsister, "Emily," who is also 16. We have become good friends, which is lucky because we share a room every other weekend when I am at my father's.

Something really bothers me. I refer to Emily as my sister. However, she calls me her STEPsister. I have told her it hurts my feelings, and asked if we couldn't just consider each other as sisters. She says she thinks of me as a close friend, but isn't comfortable calling me "sister" because technically we're not.

I have always wanted a sister. How can I get Emily to consider me hers? -- RELATED IN FORT WAYNE, IND.

DEAR RELATED: As close as you feel to Emily, and as much as you want a sister, you can't force another person into it. I have known unrelated girlfriends to refer to each other as "sisters." However, for whatever reason, it is important to Emily to maintain some distance and make the distinction that you're not blood-related.

Frankly, it's her loss. Don't push her; continue to love her, and perhaps one day she'll realize how fortunate she is to have someone as sweet as you in her life.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)