DEAR ABBY: I'm 12 and adopted. I have always known and have never felt less loved because of it. My mom always said that when you're adopted, you know that you are wanted and loved because nobody gets adopted by accident.

My 14-year-old sister, "Melissa," is our parents' natural child. We were always close, but lately she has decided to be mean to me and tries to hurt me by telling me that I'm not her "real" sister and our parents aren't my "real" parents. This hurts very much. If I cry, she thinks it's funny. She never says it in front of our parents -- she wouldn't dare.

Melissa used to tease me when we were alone in our room, but now she does it in front of her friends, who also laugh at me when I get upset and cry. Melissa would be in big trouble if I told Mom, but I'm afraid it will make her even meaner. I don't want to get her in trouble because, in spite of this, I still love her. I just want her to stop being mean and start treating me like her real sister again. Abby, what should I do? -- REAL SISTER IN TACOMA

DEAR REAL SISTER: Clip this and show it to "Miss Melissa." I have news for her. Parents who raise a child ARE "real" mothers and fathers. And you are as "real" a sister as Melissa is likely to get.

Her behavior is cruel, insensitive and immature. She's doing it because you have allowed her to get away with it. Give your sister one warning. Tell her that if she repeats that nonsense again, you will tell your "real" mother, who also happens to be HER mother. And if she's foolish enough to try it -- follow through.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my 20s and work as a cashier in a convenience store. One of my regulars recently won the lottery.

I am newly married and have a 7-month-old. We live with my in-laws, and we're dying to get our own place.

The lottery winner is somewhat good-looking, but about 20 years older than I am. Abby, he propositioned me -- if you know what I mean. He offered a large sum of money, which would help my family get our own place.

I'm confused. What do I do? -- DESPERATELY SEEKING MY OWN PLACE IN TEXAS

DEAR DESPERATELY SEEKING: You're not confused; your customer is. He may have won the lottery, but he's a loser. You are a cashier, not a prostitute. Tell him there are some things money can't buy -- and one of them is YOU.

DEAR ABBY: I participate in a depression forum. One question comes up repeatedly, and I have yet to find a decent answer.

What is the best way to answer someone who inquires about a self-inflicted scar? And are there ways to hide scars besides wearing long sleeves or pants all the time? Should we even feel that we have to hide them? -- GETTING BEYOND MY PAST IN HONOLULU

DEAR GETTING BEYOND: Because over the years I have heard from (and about) young people who have tried to cope with severe depression by cutting themselves instead of seeking the counseling they need, I am sure that question comes up with some frequency. The problem with "cover-ups" is sooner or later -- like scars -- the truth is exposed.

The honest answer to someone you trust is simply to tell the truth. For others, make light of the question ("Oh, those darn rose bushes ...") and steer the conversation to another subject.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my early 40s. I studied marketing and merchandising in college, but after graduation I chose to work in the family business. I married young, and my father hired my first husband so he could one day take over because I wasn't considered "man" enough to carry on this third-generation business.

I have spent the last 22 years learning this business inside and out. The employees respect me, and I have also gained respect within our industry. Although the number of women is still small, more and more women are involving themselves in this and related fields.

My day-in/day-out misery comes from my father. He is 72 and still works every day. He is old school. No matter how much money I make for this company or how much respect I gain from others, he will never acknowledge it. He constantly argues with me, and when he knows he's wrong, he walks out of the room. If I hear, "I have been doing this longer than you have" once more, I'll scream.

I would like to move on with my life -- meaning, get a new career. But being an only child in a family business that started in the 1920s, I feel trapped.

My ex- still works here, which is the company joke and the talk of the town. My birthday was last week, and Dad did not even wish me a happy birthday. Pretty sad for a man with one child he sees every day.

How can I find the strength to get on with my life? -- RUNNING OUT OF AIR

DEAR RUNNING: It shouldn't be difficult; consider the alternative. Your father will stay exactly where he is until he becomes incapacitated or dies -- whichever comes first. You have not once mentioned a succession plan that includes you.

If you want to wind up working for the "company joke," stay where you are. If not, put out some feelers regarding opportunities in your industry. You say you are respected. You might be pleasantly surprised to find there are some attractive options.

DEAR ABBY: How can I make my husband understand that eating out every Sunday after church is not only a waste of money, but also makes going out for special occasions not as important as they could be? I try to explain that we could do something besides eat out, but he only wants to do that.

We spend anywhere from $80 to $100 each week on dinner out. My husband puts it on a credit card. Now, I'll admit that I'm not that "up" on how credit cards work, but I know we'll have to pay them off eventually. We don't have the kind of money to splurge every week. How should I deal with this? -- TIRED OF EATING OUT, HAMPTON, VA.

DEAR TIRED OF EATING OUT: Have another talk with your husband. If he is able to pay his credit card bills in full every month, then you should stop worrying. If he is not, then you are living beyond your means -- a practice that has gotten many thousands of people in big financial trouble. And if that's the case, to assure your future you both need to agree upon a budget and reorganize your priorities.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for four years. About nine months ago, I met "Cecil," a wonderful man who was widowed three years ago. We have fallen in love.

The problem is his adult daughter, "Wanda." She told me she won't allow some "conniving woman" to get her hooks into her father. She says falling in love with me is an insult to her mother's memory. Wanda made it plain she feels I am with her father only because I'm after his money. Cecil is comfortable financially, although not wealthy.

Now that she's aware that we have become serious, Wanda has begun trying to instill guilt and shame in her father. This is exceedingly difficult for him because Wanda is his only child.

What his daughter fails to understand is that I am secure financially. My home is paid off. I have assets and investments, a comfortable income and a future pension. I would be proud to become Cecil's wife, but if he were to ask me to continue our relationship without marriage, I would stay with him. Furthermore, if he proposed and wanted a pre-nup, I would gladly sign one.

I stand ready to love not only him, but also Wanda, if she could only open her heart to me -- not as a replacement for her mother, but as a loving, caring friend. What she does not know is that her parents never had the happy marriage she thought they did. They stayed together largely because of her.

What do you advise? I don't want to have to walk away so Cecil won't have to lose his daughter. -- LOVES HIM FOR ALL THE RIGHT REASONS

DEAR LOVES HIM: Unless Cecil wants to spend the rest of his life alone in order to please Wanda, he has some serious thinking to do. He fulfilled his marriage vows and is entitled to a full life. He should make that clear to his daughter, who appears to have some growing up to do.

So stand your ground, and be prepared to lay all your cards on the table. I can't promise it will completely allay Wanda's concerns, but it might put some of them to rest. If that's not the case, then so be it.

DEAR ABBY: I have made a decision (at least for now) not to date or try to find a husband. The reason is my fear that I would repeat my parents' horrible, abusive marriage. They're still together -- I have no idea why -- but that's another issue. I have decided the abuse will end with me. I know that if I ever met a really awesome guy and did get married, I'd have a hard time not repeating my parents' marriage.

I have told my parents, siblings, extended family and close friends that I'm not looking for a life partner. My problem is, they won't leave me alone. Can you help me get them off my back and allow me to enjoy being single like I want to? How do I fend off these matchmakers? -- HAPPILY SINGLE IN TACOMA

DEAR HAPPILY SINGLE: Please remember that your family and friends are trying to fix you up because they love you. So hang onto your sense of humor when they try to make a match. The magic words are: (smile) "Nope. Not interested."

Considering that you had such poor role models, your feelings are understandable. However, because your parents have had a terrible marriage is no guarantee that you would, too. The surest way to break the cycle would be to discuss this subject with a licensed mental health professional.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)