DEAR ABBY: I'm in my early 40s. I studied marketing and merchandising in college, but after graduation I chose to work in the family business. I married young, and my father hired my first husband so he could one day take over because I wasn't considered "man" enough to carry on this third-generation business.

I have spent the last 22 years learning this business inside and out. The employees respect me, and I have also gained respect within our industry. Although the number of women is still small, more and more women are involving themselves in this and related fields.

My day-in/day-out misery comes from my father. He is 72 and still works every day. He is old school. No matter how much money I make for this company or how much respect I gain from others, he will never acknowledge it. He constantly argues with me, and when he knows he's wrong, he walks out of the room. If I hear, "I have been doing this longer than you have" once more, I'll scream.

I would like to move on with my life -- meaning, get a new career. But being an only child in a family business that started in the 1920s, I feel trapped.

My ex- still works here, which is the company joke and the talk of the town. My birthday was last week, and Dad did not even wish me a happy birthday. Pretty sad for a man with one child he sees every day.

How can I find the strength to get on with my life? -- RUNNING OUT OF AIR

DEAR RUNNING: It shouldn't be difficult; consider the alternative. Your father will stay exactly where he is until he becomes incapacitated or dies -- whichever comes first. You have not once mentioned a succession plan that includes you.

If you want to wind up working for the "company joke," stay where you are. If not, put out some feelers regarding opportunities in your industry. You say you are respected. You might be pleasantly surprised to find there are some attractive options.

DEAR ABBY: How can I make my husband understand that eating out every Sunday after church is not only a waste of money, but also makes going out for special occasions not as important as they could be? I try to explain that we could do something besides eat out, but he only wants to do that.

We spend anywhere from $80 to $100 each week on dinner out. My husband puts it on a credit card. Now, I'll admit that I'm not that "up" on how credit cards work, but I know we'll have to pay them off eventually. We don't have the kind of money to splurge every week. How should I deal with this? -- TIRED OF EATING OUT, HAMPTON, VA.

DEAR TIRED OF EATING OUT: Have another talk with your husband. If he is able to pay his credit card bills in full every month, then you should stop worrying. If he is not, then you are living beyond your means -- a practice that has gotten many thousands of people in big financial trouble. And if that's the case, to assure your future you both need to agree upon a budget and reorganize your priorities.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for four years. About nine months ago, I met "Cecil," a wonderful man who was widowed three years ago. We have fallen in love.

The problem is his adult daughter, "Wanda." She told me she won't allow some "conniving woman" to get her hooks into her father. She says falling in love with me is an insult to her mother's memory. Wanda made it plain she feels I am with her father only because I'm after his money. Cecil is comfortable financially, although not wealthy.

Now that she's aware that we have become serious, Wanda has begun trying to instill guilt and shame in her father. This is exceedingly difficult for him because Wanda is his only child.

What his daughter fails to understand is that I am secure financially. My home is paid off. I have assets and investments, a comfortable income and a future pension. I would be proud to become Cecil's wife, but if he were to ask me to continue our relationship without marriage, I would stay with him. Furthermore, if he proposed and wanted a pre-nup, I would gladly sign one.

I stand ready to love not only him, but also Wanda, if she could only open her heart to me -- not as a replacement for her mother, but as a loving, caring friend. What she does not know is that her parents never had the happy marriage she thought they did. They stayed together largely because of her.

What do you advise? I don't want to have to walk away so Cecil won't have to lose his daughter. -- LOVES HIM FOR ALL THE RIGHT REASONS

DEAR LOVES HIM: Unless Cecil wants to spend the rest of his life alone in order to please Wanda, he has some serious thinking to do. He fulfilled his marriage vows and is entitled to a full life. He should make that clear to his daughter, who appears to have some growing up to do.

So stand your ground, and be prepared to lay all your cards on the table. I can't promise it will completely allay Wanda's concerns, but it might put some of them to rest. If that's not the case, then so be it.

DEAR ABBY: I have made a decision (at least for now) not to date or try to find a husband. The reason is my fear that I would repeat my parents' horrible, abusive marriage. They're still together -- I have no idea why -- but that's another issue. I have decided the abuse will end with me. I know that if I ever met a really awesome guy and did get married, I'd have a hard time not repeating my parents' marriage.

I have told my parents, siblings, extended family and close friends that I'm not looking for a life partner. My problem is, they won't leave me alone. Can you help me get them off my back and allow me to enjoy being single like I want to? How do I fend off these matchmakers? -- HAPPILY SINGLE IN TACOMA

DEAR HAPPILY SINGLE: Please remember that your family and friends are trying to fix you up because they love you. So hang onto your sense of humor when they try to make a match. The magic words are: (smile) "Nope. Not interested."

Considering that you had such poor role models, your feelings are understandable. However, because your parents have had a terrible marriage is no guarantee that you would, too. The surest way to break the cycle would be to discuss this subject with a licensed mental health professional.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to the letter from "Concerned Grandpa" (Feb. 11), regarding his son-in-law taking his 4-year-old grandson hunting. I'll bet you were inundated with mail from both sides of this issue.

I fail to see how a 4-year-old can comprehend the safe use of a firearm, or navigate through the terrain to locate prey and return safely home.

Before the industrialized age, people were forced to hunt to put food on their tables. Today, whether they consume the meat or not, the majority of hunters (I use the term very loosely) are not "hunting." They are camouflaged, hiding in blinds or in tree stands waiting for the prey to wander by. Some even put out bait to lure the animals to their location.

There is no skill in hiding, waiting for an animal to wander by to be shot. These people are animal snipers. A true hunter would stalk prey using a bow and arrow for the kill. That son-in-law would better serve his son by staying home with him and teaching him real life skills. -- WALTER M. IN FLORIDA

DEAR WALTER M.: You are correct that my office was inundated with letters from readers on both sides of this issue. The comments ranged from child endangerment and cruelty to animals to the proper use of guns. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I started hunting with my dad and grandpa at the age of 4. It forged a bond between us that lasted until their deaths. Learning to be a hunter is also learning responsibility -- specifically gun safety, game laws, and a deep respect for the animals and nature.

Even though you referred to hunting as "killing for sport," please remember: License fees help to pay for game habitat and management. Habitat and proper management assure a healthier game population and the survival of many species through conservation efforts. Also, children schooled in the safe handling of firearms at an early age aren't as likely to be involved in gun violence. -- CARING HUNTER, WALTERS, OKLA.

DEAR ABBY: I was a preschool teacher for several years, and the children who were the biggest bullies and least socialized were always -- and I mean ALWAYS -- the ones graphically exposed to the killing of animals. These children were aged from 3 to 5, the same age as the grandson in South Carolina.

The gentle, studious, most popular children never spoke of hunting, but the bullies would talk at length about killing, guns and blood. It affected their emotional stability and ideas about death.

Please urge Grandpa's son-in-law to wait until his son is old enough to understand death before allowing him to participate in it. The bonding and skill-building experience will be more meaningful and less traumatizing if the family waits. -- LOVES CHILDREN -- AND HUNTING -- IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: If the boy's parents are responsible hunters, they may be teaching their son gun safety, nature and wildlife conservation during these expeditions. Grandpa should thank his lucky stars that the boy has a father who cares enough about his son to spend time with him. Many fathers just can't be bothered. -- GAL HUNTER IN N.Y. STATE

DEAR ABBY: We can't trust our political leaders not to injure others while hunting. How do you trust a 4-year-old to abide by the rules and understand the consequences of breaking them? I can't even get my 4-year-old son to wash his hands after he goes to the bathroom! -- CONCERNED MOM, MARSHALLVILLE, OHIO

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)