DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for four years. About nine months ago, I met "Cecil," a wonderful man who was widowed three years ago. We have fallen in love.

The problem is his adult daughter, "Wanda." She told me she won't allow some "conniving woman" to get her hooks into her father. She says falling in love with me is an insult to her mother's memory. Wanda made it plain she feels I am with her father only because I'm after his money. Cecil is comfortable financially, although not wealthy.

Now that she's aware that we have become serious, Wanda has begun trying to instill guilt and shame in her father. This is exceedingly difficult for him because Wanda is his only child.

What his daughter fails to understand is that I am secure financially. My home is paid off. I have assets and investments, a comfortable income and a future pension. I would be proud to become Cecil's wife, but if he were to ask me to continue our relationship without marriage, I would stay with him. Furthermore, if he proposed and wanted a pre-nup, I would gladly sign one.

I stand ready to love not only him, but also Wanda, if she could only open her heart to me -- not as a replacement for her mother, but as a loving, caring friend. What she does not know is that her parents never had the happy marriage she thought they did. They stayed together largely because of her.

What do you advise? I don't want to have to walk away so Cecil won't have to lose his daughter. -- LOVES HIM FOR ALL THE RIGHT REASONS

DEAR LOVES HIM: Unless Cecil wants to spend the rest of his life alone in order to please Wanda, he has some serious thinking to do. He fulfilled his marriage vows and is entitled to a full life. He should make that clear to his daughter, who appears to have some growing up to do.

So stand your ground, and be prepared to lay all your cards on the table. I can't promise it will completely allay Wanda's concerns, but it might put some of them to rest. If that's not the case, then so be it.

DEAR ABBY: I have made a decision (at least for now) not to date or try to find a husband. The reason is my fear that I would repeat my parents' horrible, abusive marriage. They're still together -- I have no idea why -- but that's another issue. I have decided the abuse will end with me. I know that if I ever met a really awesome guy and did get married, I'd have a hard time not repeating my parents' marriage.

I have told my parents, siblings, extended family and close friends that I'm not looking for a life partner. My problem is, they won't leave me alone. Can you help me get them off my back and allow me to enjoy being single like I want to? How do I fend off these matchmakers? -- HAPPILY SINGLE IN TACOMA

DEAR HAPPILY SINGLE: Please remember that your family and friends are trying to fix you up because they love you. So hang onto your sense of humor when they try to make a match. The magic words are: (smile) "Nope. Not interested."

Considering that you had such poor role models, your feelings are understandable. However, because your parents have had a terrible marriage is no guarantee that you would, too. The surest way to break the cycle would be to discuss this subject with a licensed mental health professional.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to the letter from "Concerned Grandpa" (Feb. 11), regarding his son-in-law taking his 4-year-old grandson hunting. I'll bet you were inundated with mail from both sides of this issue.

I fail to see how a 4-year-old can comprehend the safe use of a firearm, or navigate through the terrain to locate prey and return safely home.

Before the industrialized age, people were forced to hunt to put food on their tables. Today, whether they consume the meat or not, the majority of hunters (I use the term very loosely) are not "hunting." They are camouflaged, hiding in blinds or in tree stands waiting for the prey to wander by. Some even put out bait to lure the animals to their location.

There is no skill in hiding, waiting for an animal to wander by to be shot. These people are animal snipers. A true hunter would stalk prey using a bow and arrow for the kill. That son-in-law would better serve his son by staying home with him and teaching him real life skills. -- WALTER M. IN FLORIDA

DEAR WALTER M.: You are correct that my office was inundated with letters from readers on both sides of this issue. The comments ranged from child endangerment and cruelty to animals to the proper use of guns. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I started hunting with my dad and grandpa at the age of 4. It forged a bond between us that lasted until their deaths. Learning to be a hunter is also learning responsibility -- specifically gun safety, game laws, and a deep respect for the animals and nature.

Even though you referred to hunting as "killing for sport," please remember: License fees help to pay for game habitat and management. Habitat and proper management assure a healthier game population and the survival of many species through conservation efforts. Also, children schooled in the safe handling of firearms at an early age aren't as likely to be involved in gun violence. -- CARING HUNTER, WALTERS, OKLA.

DEAR ABBY: I was a preschool teacher for several years, and the children who were the biggest bullies and least socialized were always -- and I mean ALWAYS -- the ones graphically exposed to the killing of animals. These children were aged from 3 to 5, the same age as the grandson in South Carolina.

The gentle, studious, most popular children never spoke of hunting, but the bullies would talk at length about killing, guns and blood. It affected their emotional stability and ideas about death.

Please urge Grandpa's son-in-law to wait until his son is old enough to understand death before allowing him to participate in it. The bonding and skill-building experience will be more meaningful and less traumatizing if the family waits. -- LOVES CHILDREN -- AND HUNTING -- IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: If the boy's parents are responsible hunters, they may be teaching their son gun safety, nature and wildlife conservation during these expeditions. Grandpa should thank his lucky stars that the boy has a father who cares enough about his son to spend time with him. Many fathers just can't be bothered. -- GAL HUNTER IN N.Y. STATE

DEAR ABBY: We can't trust our political leaders not to injure others while hunting. How do you trust a 4-year-old to abide by the rules and understand the consequences of breaking them? I can't even get my 4-year-old son to wash his hands after he goes to the bathroom! -- CONCERNED MOM, MARSHALLVILLE, OHIO

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DEAR ABBY: I am a deaf woman who was raised by a woman who made sure I had speech therapy most of my life. Because of it, my speech is quite good, and people often forget that I am deaf or don't believe me.

I was pulled over by a cop, and when I told him I was deaf and needed to read his lips, he didn't believe me. Friends and co-workers have even told me, "With speech like yours, you can't be THAT deaf!" It is frustrating and sometimes hurtful.

The truth is I cannot hear, and I need people to look at me so I can read their lips. Any suggestions on how to kindly remind people -- including law enforcement officers -- that I really am deaf? -- READ MY LIPS IN D.C.

DEAR READ MY LIPS: You should request from your physician a card explaining your hearing disability, and carry it in your wallet in case you are stopped again by law enforcement. You can also use it if there are any more misunderstandings in the workplace.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 46-year-old woman with two grown children. My daughter, "Summer," is abusive. Her husband, "Craig," laughs it off and calls it "just being Summer," but I don't find it funny. My health isn't 100 percent, and sometimes I need help.

I live in Nebraska, and Summer lives in Illinois. When she and Craig fight, she comes to stay with me and my husband. I had foot surgery last year. The last time Summer was here, we had an argument and she stomped on my feet until they bled. I was so badly injured I had to go to the ER for treatment.

Summer is now angry because I changed my will and made my best friend the executor. It has always been understood that if I got sick, Summer would take care of me because I don't want to go to a nursing home. But I'd rather risk being abused by a stranger than my daughter, and my son lives too far away to help.

Am I right about this? My husband doesn't like it. During the four years we've been together, he hasn't shown me he loves me enough to follow my wishes regarding being sick or dying. I'm not scared, but I need to know that what I want is what I'll get. Your thoughts, please? -- MIND OF MY OWN

DEAR MIND OF MY OWN: Your daughter appears to be seriously disturbed. Because she has a history of violence, she should not stay in your home, nor should you be alone with her. I can only hope that after she assaulted you, the incident was reported to the police. Under no circumstances should she be your caregiver.

You have options besides going to a nursing home. One would be to hire a home health-care worker in the event you become unable to help yourself. You should also consult a lawyer who specializes in wills and trusts to ensure that a person you can trust has your power of attorney for health-care decisions and will, if necessary, fight like a tiger for you to ensure that your wishes are carried out.

Because your marriage is recent, you may also want to ensure that any property that's in your name is handled according to your wishes. Do not wait to do this. It will give you peace of mind.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)