DEAR ABBY: I am a deaf woman who was raised by a woman who made sure I had speech therapy most of my life. Because of it, my speech is quite good, and people often forget that I am deaf or don't believe me.

I was pulled over by a cop, and when I told him I was deaf and needed to read his lips, he didn't believe me. Friends and co-workers have even told me, "With speech like yours, you can't be THAT deaf!" It is frustrating and sometimes hurtful.

The truth is I cannot hear, and I need people to look at me so I can read their lips. Any suggestions on how to kindly remind people -- including law enforcement officers -- that I really am deaf? -- READ MY LIPS IN D.C.

DEAR READ MY LIPS: You should request from your physician a card explaining your hearing disability, and carry it in your wallet in case you are stopped again by law enforcement. You can also use it if there are any more misunderstandings in the workplace.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 46-year-old woman with two grown children. My daughter, "Summer," is abusive. Her husband, "Craig," laughs it off and calls it "just being Summer," but I don't find it funny. My health isn't 100 percent, and sometimes I need help.

I live in Nebraska, and Summer lives in Illinois. When she and Craig fight, she comes to stay with me and my husband. I had foot surgery last year. The last time Summer was here, we had an argument and she stomped on my feet until they bled. I was so badly injured I had to go to the ER for treatment.

Summer is now angry because I changed my will and made my best friend the executor. It has always been understood that if I got sick, Summer would take care of me because I don't want to go to a nursing home. But I'd rather risk being abused by a stranger than my daughter, and my son lives too far away to help.

Am I right about this? My husband doesn't like it. During the four years we've been together, he hasn't shown me he loves me enough to follow my wishes regarding being sick or dying. I'm not scared, but I need to know that what I want is what I'll get. Your thoughts, please? -- MIND OF MY OWN

DEAR MIND OF MY OWN: Your daughter appears to be seriously disturbed. Because she has a history of violence, she should not stay in your home, nor should you be alone with her. I can only hope that after she assaulted you, the incident was reported to the police. Under no circumstances should she be your caregiver.

You have options besides going to a nursing home. One would be to hire a home health-care worker in the event you become unable to help yourself. You should also consult a lawyer who specializes in wills and trusts to ensure that a person you can trust has your power of attorney for health-care decisions and will, if necessary, fight like a tiger for you to ensure that your wishes are carried out.

Because your marriage is recent, you may also want to ensure that any property that's in your name is handled according to your wishes. Do not wait to do this. It will give you peace of mind.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 45-year-old woman with two daughters, ages 20 and 23. I married my high school sweetheart, "Cooper." I had heard rumors that Cooper had strayed from time to time, but had no evidence to back it up, and, of course, he denied it.

I went by my husband's office one day to surprise him, and his new secretary informed me that Cooper had just taken his wife to lunch at a local bistro! I went right over there and found them whispering, kissing and feeding each other. I did not make a scene. When Cooper arrived home that evening, I confronted him. He tried to deny it. I called him a liar and he slapped me! (A first.) He moved out that night, and I filed for divorce.

I pawned my wedding band and engagement ring. The clerk asked if I was going to buy a divorce ring. I had never heard of one. I searched online, found a nice one, ordered it and wear it proudly.

Cooper and his parents are livid! They say I am poking fun at him and accuse me of "promoting divorce." My friends and oldest daughter think it's cool. Some of my divorced friends have ordered rings, too. The ring is different in design, beautiful, makes me feel good and shows my independence. Should I feel guilty for wearing an identity ring like this? -- DIVORCING AND LOVING IT IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR DIVORCING AND LOVING IT: No, you should not. The next time Cooper and his parents accuse you of "promoting divorce," remind them that it was Cooper who promoted divorce by openly cheating on you. If the ring brings you pleasure -- and comfort -- then enjoy it.

However, please be aware that many people will not understand its significance -- and if you wear it on the third finger of your left hand, they may think you are still married and unavailable.

DEAR ABBY: I need your help. I am happily married to a wonderful man but recently became attracted to a co-worker. The man is completely not my type and I would never act on these feelings, but it's starting to distract me at work. I think he feels the same way, but would never approach me because he knows I am married and ethical.

I have thought about leaving my job, but I am very successful here. Walking away would be a bad career move for me and put a financial damper on my family. As long as I don't act on my feelings -- or even discuss them -- is it morally wrong to continue working here? I know it's normal to be attracted to other people, but I have never felt THIS attracted to anyone other than my husband before. This is making me feel extremely guilty, but I can't help my feelings. What should I do? -- UNSURE IN SYRACUSE

DEAR UNSURE: The time has come to have a truth session -- with yourself. If you are attracted to your co-worker to the point that it is "distracting," could you be sending him signals that you are available?

If that's the case, it might be better for your marriage -- and your career -- to explore openings elsewhere. If it's not, then please understand that marriage is not a prophylactic against becoming attracted to others. However, responsible adults don't take the bait, and that should include you. Nothing in life is free, and this could cost you your future.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My parents recently divorced. My sister and I live with our mother. Mom and Dad had to sell our three-bedroom home in the divorce settlement. Even though Dad pays child support, money is tight and Mom can only afford a two-bedroom apartment. This means my sister and I have to share a room after always having our own rooms.

My sister and I have never gotten along well. When we had our own rooms we could just keep away from each other, so we didn't fight that much. However, now that we're in the same room, we can't avoid each other and we constantly argue. It looks to me like she is most of the problem. She always has to have her way and won't compromise. She insists that I'm the problem.

Because we will be sharing a room for the foreseeable future whether we like it or not, can you suggest a way we can live together peacefully in the same room? -- OREGON SIS

DEAR SIS: It's time you and your sister stopped blaming each other and realized that when objects rub together it creates friction. If you are going to successfully coexist, you will have to recognize and respect each other's space -- regardless of how limited it is. If necessary, divide the room in such a way that you can each have some privacy when you need it. The arrangement may not be pretty, but it could help your relationship.

DEAR ABBY: I work as a cashier in a small grocery store. Many of our regular customers are elderly and live on fixed incomes. Occasionally, I will help customers out to their cars with their groceries, and when I do I am often offered a tip.

My co-workers say it is rude to refuse a tip when someone offers one. I feel what I am doing is part of my job, and I am already compensated for it. Would it be rude to say, "No thank you?" -- CURIOUS CASHIER, KINGSTON, TENN.

DEAR CURIOUS: It is not "rude" to refuse a tip if you do it with a smile, say that you were glad to help the person, and explain -- as you did in your letter -- that you feel what you did is part of your job and you are already compensated for it. (It is also not rude to ask that person to mention it to your boss. With your exemplary attitude you should make assistant manager in no time.)

DEAR ABBY: Our friend, "Marie," a cook at a local restaurant, thinks nothing of eating off our plates. Not only does she eat from our plates when we dine in the establishment she works in, but also if we go out to another restaurant together. We have asked her to stop. Please help! -- PICKED OVER IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR PICKED OVER: Because your friend seems unable to respect the boundaries you're trying to set, it's time to become proactive. The next time you're eating in Marie's presence, offer her a taste. Then put a small portion on your butter plate or saucer -- and HAND it to her.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: It's time to hide the matzoh -- Passover begins at sundown. Happy Passover, everyone!

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)