DEAR ABBY: My parents recently divorced. My sister and I live with our mother. Mom and Dad had to sell our three-bedroom home in the divorce settlement. Even though Dad pays child support, money is tight and Mom can only afford a two-bedroom apartment. This means my sister and I have to share a room after always having our own rooms.

My sister and I have never gotten along well. When we had our own rooms we could just keep away from each other, so we didn't fight that much. However, now that we're in the same room, we can't avoid each other and we constantly argue. It looks to me like she is most of the problem. She always has to have her way and won't compromise. She insists that I'm the problem.

Because we will be sharing a room for the foreseeable future whether we like it or not, can you suggest a way we can live together peacefully in the same room? -- OREGON SIS

DEAR SIS: It's time you and your sister stopped blaming each other and realized that when objects rub together it creates friction. If you are going to successfully coexist, you will have to recognize and respect each other's space -- regardless of how limited it is. If necessary, divide the room in such a way that you can each have some privacy when you need it. The arrangement may not be pretty, but it could help your relationship.

DEAR ABBY: I work as a cashier in a small grocery store. Many of our regular customers are elderly and live on fixed incomes. Occasionally, I will help customers out to their cars with their groceries, and when I do I am often offered a tip.

My co-workers say it is rude to refuse a tip when someone offers one. I feel what I am doing is part of my job, and I am already compensated for it. Would it be rude to say, "No thank you?" -- CURIOUS CASHIER, KINGSTON, TENN.

DEAR CURIOUS: It is not "rude" to refuse a tip if you do it with a smile, say that you were glad to help the person, and explain -- as you did in your letter -- that you feel what you did is part of your job and you are already compensated for it. (It is also not rude to ask that person to mention it to your boss. With your exemplary attitude you should make assistant manager in no time.)

DEAR ABBY: Our friend, "Marie," a cook at a local restaurant, thinks nothing of eating off our plates. Not only does she eat from our plates when we dine in the establishment she works in, but also if we go out to another restaurant together. We have asked her to stop. Please help! -- PICKED OVER IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR PICKED OVER: Because your friend seems unable to respect the boundaries you're trying to set, it's time to become proactive. The next time you're eating in Marie's presence, offer her a taste. Then put a small portion on your butter plate or saucer -- and HAND it to her.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: It's time to hide the matzoh -- Passover begins at sundown. Happy Passover, everyone!

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My sister, "Ellie," and her husband, "Bill," have three lovely little girls. Both have good jobs and live in a pleasant neighborhood. However, neither one ever learned any life skills. Both worked and lived rent-free with their parents until they met and married in their late 20s. Consequently, they are up to their necks in credit card debt because of their need for instant gratification.

For the past year Ellie has called me almost daily, crying, asking for money "for the sake of the children." I have given them what we can spare, but I have three sons in college, and my husband may be facing a medical retirement, which would leave me the sole wage-earner.

I have told Ellie repeatedly that she and Bill must learn to budget and pay their bills, and advised them to seek professional debt and marriage counseling, neither of which they have done.

Several months ago, Ellie called to ask if the family could move in with us until they got on their feet. My husband refused, telling her that without counseling their habits were not going to change, and we could not afford to support them short of a true emergency.

Ellie was furious. She joined a "swingers" club and began a series of love affairs. Ellie says her affairs are "the only comfort" she has now that I have failed to "rescue" her in her "hour of need."

I'm upset that I have made the girls' situation worse by refusing to provide for their parents. However, my husband is adamant that two working people should learn to manage their own lives. Am I injuring my nieces by refusing to rescue their parents? -- NON-ENABLER, OAK RIDGE, TENN.

DEAR NON-ENABLER: Your sister has made it your responsibility because she joined a swingers club, and you're accepting it? Wake up! You haven't made their situation worse, SHE has. Ellie is not only irresponsible, but also immature. Do not be bamboozled.

You are carrying a heavy enough load as it is. If you step in and try to rescue Ellie, you'll wind up carrying her until the stress makes you sick. The only person who can get her out of the mess she has created is herself.

DEAR ABBY: Early in our marriage -- the second for both of us -- my husband suggested having my portrait painted in the nude. We found an artist we were comfortable with, and the painting turned out so beautiful, we decided to have my husband pose nude, too.

We keep these paintings in our bedroom and have never allowed anyone else to see them. We plan to cherish them for many years, but now realize we will need to make arrangements for their safekeeping after we're gone. They are tastefully positioned, beautifully framed and quite large. We do not want our children left with the task of finding a home for our "artwork."

How do we go about finding a gallery that will display them? -- PICTURE-PERFECT IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PICTURE-PERFECT: Start calling the museums and art galleries in your area. Your success may depend upon the level of recognition the artist who painted your portraits has achieved. If that doesn't work, then contact the clothing-optional resorts in your area and ask if they would like to hang them in their clubhouse.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Please allow me to respond to "No Thanks! Sacramento, Calif." (Feb. 7). Having also grown up with a disabled sibling, I empathize with her distress and feeling "saddled" with an obligation of caring for her younger mentally retarded sister.

I recommend she talk to her school counselor, who may be able to assist with family counseling. Once her sister turns 18, she may be eligible for public assistance as well as other state programs. Many nonprofit organizations are available to assist disabled citizens after their parents have passed, so the sole burden does not fall upon the sibling's shoulders.

My mother has conservatorship over my brother's medical affairs, while a local nonprofit organization oversees his financial affairs. When Mother passes, there is a small trust fund set aside for him that I will manage. I will then become his medical conservator. Everything is set up in a way that I can care for my brother while maintaining a life separate from him. -- LISA IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR LISA: I was enlightened by the responses that poured in offering additional recommendations that may alleviate the concerns of both "No Thanks" and her mother. Thank you for sharing yours. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a senior support coordinator (futures and estate planning) with The Arc of Frederick County, Md. The concerns "No Thanks" has about being completely responsible for her sister's care are frequently expressed by siblings of children with disabilities. Fortunately, there are many possibilities for her family that would allow the best of both worlds.

The Arc (www.arcfc.org) offers information and support in almost every state. We serve individuals with disabilities and their families and can assist with plan development.

Thank you for printing the letter from this young lady, Abby. She echoes the concerns of siblings around the world, and there IS an answer. -- KARLA IN FREDERICK, MD.

DEAR ABBY: As the mother and sister of special-needs people, I understand both "NT's" and her mother's points of view. You recommend a "group living situation" for her sister, but unfortunately there aren't nearly enough group homes to meet the large (and growing) demand for them. "Becky" should get on a housing wait list as soon as possible.

Her parents should contact the special-ed department at the local high school. The department is aware of organizations that can help with Becky's needs. Also, the parents should make financial arrangements for Becky's future. My parents did these things for my brother, and I am very grateful. -- SEES BOTH SIDES IN COLUMBIA, MD.

DEAR ABBY: I am mom to a 15-year-old son with autism, bipolar disorder and mental retardation. I also have a daughter who is 12.

One day, when my daughter was only 8, we explained that most adults move out of their parents' home and into a place of their own. I explained that eventually her brother would be moving into a group home with others like him.

My daughter said: "I love my brother, but I don't think I want him to live with me when we grow up. Is it OK if I visit him and make sure he has the things that make him happy? He could come to my house for holidays and birthdays."

Perhaps, if "No Thanks" shows this to her mother, they can both see the compromise and have a little peace of mind. -- BEEN THERE IN OREGON

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)