DEAR ABBY: For most of my life, I have parted my hair on the right. I am now being told that men should part their hair on the left. Is there a correct side for men?

-- HARRY W., MORRO BAY, CALIF.

DEAR HARRY: I relayed your question to my hair design consultant, Bob Cox. According to Bob, people naturally have a cowlick (or "whorl") on one side of their scalp from which the hair growth pattern emerges. (Some people have two, although one is usually stronger than the other.) This is what determines which way the hair will naturally fall when it is parted.

Bob went on to relate the story of a client who had recently been referred to him. The gentleman had been going to his former barber for 15 years, and for 15 years his hair had never been easy to manage. Over the last couple of years, the problem had become so bad that his wife had to help him part his hair in the morning.

Bob took one look and realized the former barber had been parting the man's hair on the wrong side, which had been causing it to stick up. The problem was resolved with one appointment. If other men out there are having the same problem, this letter may be helpful.

DEAR ABBY: I recently presented a research proposal. I did the best I could and was verbally attacked by my boss. She is often tactless and can at times be cruel.

I tried to defend my research, but perhaps I did it too emphatically and went overboard, because my team member turned off my microphone and apologized to the boss.

I understand some of the criticisms, but what bothered me was that other proposals were more flawed than ours, but were not attacked in a similar fashion. One thing led to another, and I broke down in tears at the table. Luckily, the boss did not see it, but other team members did.

Is showing emotion in public wrong? I tried to hold it in but couldn't. I was insulted and felt terrible for my team. Was crying unprofessional? Should I have run to the powder room to sob -- or would that have made it worse?

-- TEARY-EYED IN MALAYSIA

DEAR TEARY-EYED: To show emotion in public is human, as long as one does not have a complete meltdown. You lost control twice, the first time when your team member felt it necessary to turn off your microphone and offer apologies to your boss; the second, when you began crying. Excusing yourself and going to the restroom would have been more appropriate and professional than what you did at the meeting. Learn from it.

DEAR ABBY: I am deeply patriotic and support our troops wholeheartedly. Because I am people-oriented, I try to go out of my way at my job (I am a hotel front desk clerk) to say nice things to people or do something for them. I often see government IDs on individuals (usually military) and I would like to say thanks -- but I don't know how. I don't know who's been overseas or not, and was wondering if you had any suggestions. I would just like to be able to say thanks without being intrusive and remain professional about it. -- ELIZABETH IN ORLANDO

DEAR ELIZABETH: All you need to say is, "Thank you very much for your service to our country." The statement is direct, not at all intrusive and will be appreciated.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My parents will celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary this year, so my siblings and I have been trying to plan something special.

I asked my mother what she would like us to do. Her response was she didn't want to tell me what to do, for us just to decide. When we suggested a Caribbean cruise, she said Dad didn't want to be on the water. So we planned a vacation in Mexico. Mom said she didn't want to get passports. Then I suggested a big party with family and friends. She said she would be hurt if people didn't show up. I asked Dad what he wanted to do; he suggested a trip to New York. Mother shot that idea down, too.

My siblings and I have put months into planning this effort, and Mom is not making it an easy process. We even staged an "intervention" with all of us kids and Mom and Dad. We sat down and brainstormed ideas that might please her, even offering to give them several thousand dollars to spend as they wish. Nothing is good enough for Mom.

I am frustrated. If I do nothing, she'll be upset with me and hold a grudge. If I plan something, it won't be the right thing. At 45 years of age, I just want to do ONE thing right in my mother's eyes. Help me, please. -- NEAR TEARS IN HENDERSON, COLO.

DEAR NEAR TEARS: The name for the behavior your mother is displaying is "passive-aggression." Because you say you would like to do "one" thing right in her eyes, I assume it has been going on since you were quite young. The advice I am offering is not what you expect. Here it is: STOP TRYING TO PLEASE YOUR MOTHER. It is impossible to accomplish.

You and your siblings should throw the party with family and friends. Do not show your mother the guest list; that way she cannot be hurt if someone doesn't show up. And make it a "surprise party." Do not expect to please your mother. She's not pleasable, and the sooner you accept that fact, the better off you will be.

DEAR ABBY: Because of a sudden, life-threatening illness, I had to leave my job. During the time I worked there, I cultivated (I thought) some great friendships. Now I am heartbroken to realize the friendships I so valued were not valued in return.

One woman broke off our phone conversation with, "I have to take this call. I'll call you right back." It has been nearly six months, and I'm still waiting for that returned call. I know I could have called her back, but I seem to be the only one initiating contact. Perhaps my one or two calls a month became too much for her.

There must be others in similar situations. My question is, should I write this "friendship" off?

-- SADDENED IN TAYLORVILLE, ILL.

DEAR SADDENED: Yes. Some people are so afraid of death that when someone close -- a friend, family member or spouse -- is stricken with a life-threatening illness, instead of stepping forward and offering support, they physically or emotionally run in the opposite direction.

Why cling to this person? When the chips are down, she couldn't face it. And that, in my book, is not true friendship.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My 14-year-old stepdaughter, "Nicki," is sweet, sensitive, shy and artistic. Through no fault of her own she is two grades behind in school. She's not anti-social but has few friends at school because of the age difference. The friends she does have take advantage of her. They spend time with her only when she has spending money. They also borrow her things and do not return the items in good condition.

Nicki loves to talk about how many friends she has, but she'll also mention that they don't like her sometimes. She lives with her mother for the most part, but when she visits she seems starved for attention. I try to tell her to stand up for herself, but she thinks if she does she'll lose her "friends." Her mother also has low self-esteem, and I think she has passed this on to Nicki.

Is there anything I can do to bolster my step-daughter's self-esteem? And what can I say about her friends without overstepping my boundaries? -- LOST STEPMOM IN PALAU

DEAR LOST STEPMOM: It is not unheard of for parents who are socially recessive to pass that trait on to their children. After all, children learn by example -- and that's where you may be able to help your stepdaughter. The more time Nicki spends with you, the more she will see how you appropriately handle social situations and contemporaries. You should also share your thought process with her before and/or after you have done so. This will give her coping mechanisms in dealing with her own life.

Although it may be tempting, do not put down her classmates. If you do, it could come across as a criticism of her. Instead, encourage your stepdaughter to get involved in activities outside of school -- perhaps pursue her art, something that she enjoys. That way she can meet peers with whom she has something in common, and who won't have preconceived ideas about her status.

DEAR ABBY: I have a neighbor who honks her horn twice to say goodbye to her children -- at 7 a.m.! It's so annoying to wake up to the sound of a honking horn every morning.

How do I ask this neighbor -- whom I am not friendly with -- to stop this daily ritual? -- NO MORE HONKING IN PA.

DEAR NO MORE HONKING: Write your neighbor a sweet note and explain that the honking is waking you up. She may be unaware that she is creating a problem. If that doesn't work, then check the noise ordinance in your city. She may be in violation of the law.

DEAR ABBY: I never married "Mark," the father of my 20-year-old son, "Joel," and Mark didn't appear in Joel's life until he was 12. Mark had a relationship with Joel for about two years, then moved to another state.

I learned last night that Mark has died. Joel is a few hours away at college. Should I tell him on the phone or in person? -- UNDECIDED IN STOCKBRIDGE, GA.

DEAR UNDECIDED: If the situation were reversed, what would you prefer? While Mark and Joel have not been close, your son has still lost his father. To tell him in person would be the kind thing to do.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)