DEAR ABBY: My 13-year-old twin daughters were very close, considered each other their "best friend" and got along beautifully sharing a room. Disagreements and arguments were rare and nearly always minor.

However, during the last few months, out of the blue, they have begun fighting and arguing frequently. They scream and yell at each other over the pettiest of things. Instead of being constant companions, they no longer want to do anything together.

Now they spend time separately with friends. They are even asking us to get a bigger house so they can have separate rooms. They refuse to share the bathroom in the morning -- which had never been a problem before -- claiming to need privacy from each other. This makes things very difficult during the morning rush because we also have a 15-year-old son who needs to get ready for school.

I am at my wit's end trying to deal with this. I have no idea what caused this sudden rift, and the girls don't seem to understand it either. Please help. -- LOUISIANA MOM OF 3

DEAR LOUISIANA MOM: What's causing the rift is that your daughters are maturing. Their hormones are changing, and they are trying to become individuals. This is a healthy thing, and you should not worry.

As to the scheduling problem in the bathroom -- if the girls won't cooperate and share the facilities, then they will have to alternate. And your job as mother and referee is to see that they do.

DEAR ABBY: I recently visited my favorite brother and his family for a few days. My sister-in-law invited me to go out for coffee with her -- just the two of us -- then proceeded to tell me in great detail about an affair she had about a year ago. I was floored.

My brother doesn't know about this, and now this information is haunting me. If my brother knew my husband had cheated and didn't tell me, I'd be furious. On the other hand, telling my brother will hurt him. What should I do? -- BURDENED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BURDENED: Ask yourself this question -- if you wanted to keep an infidelity from your spouse, would you confide "in great detail" in his sibling? If the answer is no, then consider that your sister-in-law is either completely lacking in judgment or subconsciously aching to get caught. Then follow your conscience.

DEAR ABBY: I would appreciate your opinion on a matter that has me concerned. My son and his wife have gone on a trip to Africa. I am watching the grandchildren part of the time while their parents are gone.

The night before my son left, I said, "To be prudent and prepared in case of emergency, in the event you have an accident, who will be the permanent guardians for these children?" His reply was, "That is none of your business. It is a personal matter."

Was I out of bounds to ask that question? -- GUILT-RIDDEN IN REDMOND, WASH.

DEAR GUILT-RIDDEN: Absolutely not. Your question was a timely and intelligent one. A more pertinent question would now be why your son became defensive that you asked. Could it be that he feels guilty because the answer is you will not be named as guardian?

If that's the case, then some written provision should be made specifying that if anything happens to him and your daughter-in-law, you will have visitation with your grandchildren -- because unless it is on paper, there is no guarantee you will.

DEAR ABBY: I would appreciate your opinion on a matter that has me concerned. My son and his wife have gone on a trip to Africa. I am watching the grandchildren part of the time while their parents are gone.

The night before my son left, I said, "To be prudent and prepared in case of emergency, in the event you have an accident, who will be the permanent guardians for these children?" His reply was, "That is none of your business. It is a personal matter."

Was I out of bounds to ask that question? -- GUILT-RIDDEN IN REDMOND, WASH.

DEAR GUILT-RIDDEN: Absolutely not. Your question was a timely and intelligent one. A more pertinent question would now be why your son became defensive that you asked. Could it be that he feels guilty because the answer is you will not be named as guardian?

If that's the case, then some written provision should be made specifying that if anything happens to him and your daughter-in-law, you will have visitation with your grandchildren -- because unless it is on paper, there is no guarantee you will.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to "In True Love in Washington" (Feb. 4), about the 16-year-old who became pregnant by her pastor. What she described is not a "love" relationship; it is an abusive one. A pastor who has a sexual relationship with a member of his congregation is misusing his power, and this constitutes clergy sexual misconduct.

You were correct when you stated that "if there is any 'shaming,'" it should be directed at the pastor. Unfortunately, that is not typically the case. The shaming of victims that follows disclosure is nearly unbearable. Church officials typically collude in denial or cover up the problem. Rarely is there any care for the victim.

For this reason, a sex-abuse therapist and a spiritual director familiar with this type of abuse are helpful in the healing process. In addition, it is vital for the victim and her family to find the support of someone who has lived through clergy sexual misconduct because it is unlikely they will find support in their current circle of friends. -- C.W., MUSKEGON, MICH.

DEAR C.W.: Thank you for sharing some valuable suggestions. The responses to "True Love" offered additional steps for her to consider. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: You were right to point out that "Reverend Ron" is the one in the wrong. However, if the issue is not turned over to the police, the church's investigation may put a different slant on the results. Only law enforcement officers know the questions to ask in order to get the facts as they should be obtained. -- ADA IN OLEAN, N.Y.

DEAR ABBY: Both my husband and I are pastors and have had to deal with a similar situation in our region. Unfortunately, the abuse and misuse of pastoral authority is too prevalent. It is widespread, although not indicative of most clergy, who seek to serve faithfully.

I don't know who is responsible for holding Reverend Ron accountable, but hopefully there are church leaders who will take this situation seriously and not ignore it. Far too many people in the pews feel that it is not their place to hold someone accountable for his/her mistakes. The congregation will need someone trained in dealing with this kind of situation to help them heal as well. -- REVEREND JOANNA

DEAR ABBY: As a therapist, I have helped many people deal with this kind of emotional wreckage. The affair, which the pastor convinced this girl was OK because they were "truly in love," actually falls under the category "sexual abuse by one in a position of trust," and it is a crime. In some states, it may be considered statutory rape.

After being told, the mother should contact the police and the district attorney. Reverend Ron is a sexual predator who has taken advantage of a vulnerable young girl. He needs to be stopped and removed from any and all contact with young teens. -- THERAPIST IN LONGMONT, COLO.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for six years and have recently fallen in love with another man. But I still love my husband. Is it possible for a person to be in love with two people at the same time? -- KIM FROM THE SUNSHINE STATE

DEAR KIM: It is possible to love more than one person because you love them for different reasons. However, when someone is IN love, he or she is usually completely focused on that one love object. So the answer to your question is no.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: The IRS needs help from your readers.

Starting in May, economic stimulus payments of up to $600 for individuals and $1,200 for married couples will be issued by the IRS based on 2007 tax returns. Parents also get $300 for each eligible child.

To receive it, people must file a 2007 tax return. That's all there is to it. And here's where your readers can help: Millions of people are eligible, but may not know it. Certain retirees, disabled vets and low-wage workers do not normally file a tax return. However, this year they must in order to receive the payments.

Your readers can help not just the IRS but perhaps themselves, friends or family by spreading the word. Please ask them to mention it to people they think might qualify. The eligibility rules are on irs.gov, the best source of information.

Generally, people who have at least $3,000 from earned income or certain benefits from Social Security, Railroad Retirement and Veterans Affairs -- or a combination of income from these benefits -- are eligible. They need only provide a few details on a Form 1040A. We'll do the rest. -- DOUG SHULMAN, IRS COMMISSIONER

DEAR DOUG: You're a wise man who obviously understands the power of word-of-mouth "advertising." And I am sure Dear Abby readers will be glad to pitch in and help get the word out so that everyone who is entitled will receive a check. For further details, simply go to � HYPERLINK "http://www.irs.gov" ��www.irs.gov�. Readers, thank you for helping to publicize this effort.

DEAR ABBY: One day my dad was talking to one of my friends, and he said, "We're poor." Abby, we live in a nice house in a middle-class neighborhood. Both my parents have their master's degrees, and I never have to worry about having something to eat or if I can afford to pay for my college education.

My parents always make comments about how much things cost and how much they can't buy. I'm sorry, but it's just a little bit irksome. I feel like their obsession with money is putting a crimp on enjoying the good things in life. Why can't they be a little more "cup is half-full"? -- LINDSAY IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LINDSAY: Your father may have gotten some bad news about his investments the day he spoke to your friend -- as many people have over the past year -- or perhaps he suspected that she was palling around with you because she thought you had money. Ask your dad why he said what he did, because the answer could be enlightening.

It would have been helpful if you had mentioned what preceded your father's comment. That would have put it in context.

DEAR ABBY: Why do people put old photos in the obituaries? When photos started appearing in obituaries, I thought it was a little strange. But publishing a photo taken at age 20 of a person who died at 85 makes no sense to me. -- JUST CALL ME SNAPSHOT

DEAR SNAPSHOT: Consider this: Perhaps the deceased -- or the grieving family -- preferred that he or she be remembered in the full bloom of youth rather than ravaged by age or disease. That's the logical explanation.

DEAR ABBY: Why do people put old photos in the obituaries? When photos started appearing in obituaries, I thought it was a little strange. But publishing a photo taken at age 20 of a person who died at 85 makes no sense to me. -- JUST CALL ME SNAPSHOT

DEAR SNAPSHOT: Consider this: Perhaps the deceased -- or the grieving family -- preferred that he or she be remembered in the full bloom of youth rather than ravaged by age or disease. That's the logical explanation.