DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a woman in Phoenix -- where we both lived -- for the past three years. We were in an exclusive relationship, but not living together because I was going through a divorce when we met. Throughout our time together I have helped "Jackie" with rent and cash gifts.

I have since moved to California, and Jackie would like to come and live with me. I thought it would be nice, but a cohabitation agreement would be necessary because I have a lot of assets and she has very few.

After some discussion, she came up with an agreement, but I feel the benefits package she's asking for is too high. She's asking me to pay all living expenses, housing, food, health insurance, a new car with auto insurance and an allowance of $3,000 a month.

I balked on this "deal" because it seems more like a rental agreement rather than a loving relationship. She maintains that she needs a "cushion" in case the relationship doesn't work out because she'll be leaving her job and friends behind.

My friends laugh when I tell them the terms of the arrangement. What are your thoughts? -- WAITING IN CAPISTRANO

DEAR WAITING: If Jackie expects you to pay for everything, including health insurance and an allowance, it is plain that she won't be seeking employment and will be taking an early retirement when she goes to Capistrano. If the relationship does not work out, the consequences would affect her financially for the rest of her life.

Nowhere in your letter did you mention the word "marriage." While both of you may have reasons for wanting to remain single, if you love Jackie, wouldn't you want her to be taken care of if something should happen to you? Rather than gathering advice from friends, ask your lawyer what a fair and appropriate agreement would be under the circumstances.

P.S. It does seem that the guaranteed benefit package Jackie has in mind for herself is a bit "rich."

DEAR ABBY: My husband has four siblings, all adults with families of their own. A little more than a year ago, my father-in-law, "Carl," asked Mom for a divorce. That's when we learned that their relationship had been going downhill for several years.

All of the "kids," especially my husband, have embraced Mom and shunned Carl. They say terrible things about him and his new girlfriend, "Angie," whom they refuse to meet. We hardly see Carl anymore, and the few times he has come to our home for dinner, my husband has made it clear that Angie is not welcome.

I don't pretend to know how it feels to have your parents split up after 40 years. I try to be understanding and supportive to my husband and his family. I have kept my opinions to myself, but I am frustrated with all of them. I'm certain Carl waited to end his marriage until after all his children were old enough to understand. I feel they need to make some kind of move to get past this. Is there anything I can do? -- KEEPING IT TO MYSELF IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR KEEPING IT: No, there isn't. Your husband and his siblings are reacting emotionally to the breakup of their parents' marriage. Perhaps at a later date -- after more time passes -- they will come to accept it. That is, unless they perceive Angie as having caused the divorce.

I see nothing positive to be gained by putting yourself in the middle of this. Sometimes silence is golden.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced woman with two children. Throughout my life, I have always liked having one close female friend and a few other casual acquaintances. But these close relationships last only five to 10 years.

Abby, I am a "do anything for you," truly devoted friend. I am totally accommodating, to the point that I rearrange my activities and forgo my own wishes -- the "whatever you want to do" type. In spite of this, these "best friend" relationships, which theoretically shouldn't end, eventually do. The other person is usually not quite as committed as I am, even though she likes my company.

Why does this happen when I try so hard and go out of my way to maintain the friendship? -- TRUE BLUE IN ALLENTOWN, PA.

DEAR TRUE BLUE: Not all friendships last forever. Many have a beginning, a middle and an end, and people drift apart. Perhaps if you spread your friendship around rather than depend on just one person, and actually listened to your own needs rather than continually sacrificing them, your relationships would become more mutual. With more of the usual give-and-take, they might last longer.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 14, and I'm really worried about my best friend, "Allie." I moved from our old school to a school nearby, so I haven't talked to her as much lately as I used to. Allie doesn't call often, but when she does, she tells me about talking to boys online. This is how she met her current boyfriend, who is our age and lives in Texas. (We live in Ohio.)

Allie and this boy talk on the phone often, and it scares me. I'm scared she and someone she meets online will get together, and it will go badly.

She has been telling guys online that she's a cheerleader at our local college, which she isn't, of course. She's in ninth grade like I am. Should I tell her parents what's going on, or someone else? My mom and dad think I should call the police. What do you think, Abby? -- FEARFUL IN ALLIANCE, OHIO

DEAR FEARFUL: Allie shouldn't be lying about her age and pretending to be someone she isn't. And there's no guarantee that the "boys" she's talking to aren't 45, married and also lying about THEIR ages. Allie appears to be vulnerable, gullible and looking for trouble. And that's why your mom and dad should tip off her parents about what's going on, before trouble finds Allie.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend, "Josie" who lives in another state where the time is two hours earlier than where I live. I have asked her please not to call my home after 8 p.m. my time because this is when I am preparing my two children, ages 3 and 1, for bed. My daughter is a very light sleeper.

Josie feels I am being silly. She says other people she calls in my area don't put such limitations on her. She has suggested I "just unplug the phone if I don't want it to ring."

Abby, this has created a huge issue between us, and I need to know if my request is unreasonable. -- YOUNG MOM, BLOOMINGTON, ILL.

DEAR YOUNG MOM: Your request is perfectly reasonable, and if your "friend" was not so self-centered, she would understand that and be more cooperative. You should not have to unplug your phone to prevent her from disturbing your children, because if you did you might be unavailable in case of an emergency.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend, "Josie" who lives in another state where the time is two hours earlier than where I live. I have asked her please not to call my home after 8 p.m. my time because this is when I am preparing my two children, ages 3 and 1, for bed. My daughter is a very light sleeper.

Josie feels I am being silly. She says other people she calls in my area don't put such limitations on her. She has suggested I "just unplug the phone if I don't want it to ring."

Abby, this has created a huge issue between us, and I need to know if my request is unreasonable. -- YOUNG MOM, BLOOMINGTON, ILL.

DEAR YOUNG MOM: Your request is perfectly reasonable, and if your "friend" was not so self-centered, she would understand that and be more cooperative. You should not have to unplug your phone to prevent her from disturbing your children, because if you did you might be unavailable in case of an emergency.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with "Gary" for four years. His late wife was his first and only relationship. When he moved in with me, he brought so many boxes they filled my entire basement. I want it cleared out because I don't feel I should have to store his past.

Gary's adult children have had the opportunity to take boxes home, but never do. When I asked him to clean things up, he responded by saying he doesn't feel at home here and will start looking for a place of his own.

For the most part, our relationship is a good one. I feel if he's ready to move on, he shouldn't have brought his past here with him -- including the urn containing his late wife's ashes. Am I wrong to feel this way? -- FEELING CROWDED, CARLIN, NEV.

DEAR FEELING CROWDED: While all of us bring the "baggage" of past relationships with us as we move through life, your friend has done it in a literal sense. If he was concerned about your feelings, he could rent a storage unit -- but he hasn't. Telling you that if you insist he clear out the basement, he will clear you out of his life is emotional blackmail.

Perhaps it's time to ask yourself if this relationship is a healthy one. Could the boxes and the urn be symptoms of a larger problem? If so, then Gary should haul his ashes, boxes and self elsewhere.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a 20-year-old nephew I'll call "Adam," who sometimes lacks good judgment. We have told him that when he visits he should ask before drinking our milk. The price of milk has gone sky-high, and we have a 7-year-old who drinks a lot of it. We have had to tighten our purse strings and try to make a gallon last a week. When Adam comes over, he will drink two or three big glasses of it. Now, instead of asking, he sneaks it when we're not looking.

His mother, "Faye," is also my best friend. While she was visiting, Adam waited until we went into the family room, then consumed more than half of the gallon of milk we had just purchased. When we discovered what had happened, we called Adam on his cell phone and told him we weren't happy about it. Faye overheard the conversation.

When we saw her the next day, she didn't seem too upset about it. But now that she's back home in Florida, she hasn't returned any of my calls or e-mails. Could scolding Adam about the milk have anything to do with Faye's silence? -- SOURED IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR SOURED: If you explained to Adam that you and your husband are on a strict budget, and that you didn't want him to drink the milk, then he was wrong to help himself to it. It is not unheard of for a parent to become offended when someone scolds his or her child. That may be the reason you're getting the silent treatment. But no one can answer that question for sure other than Faye.

DEAR ABBY: I have a very strict father. I respect what he has to say, but I don't like the fact that he won't let me have a boyfriend. He thinks all dudez are alike -- well, most dudez at least. I need that li'l bit of advice, pleeeezzz. Love always, BABI IN MILFORD, CONN.

DEAR BABI: Dadz can be that way sometimez. Perhaps yours is trying to prevent you from making an "S" of yourself.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)