DEAR ABBY: Your reply to the letter from "Troubled in Colorado" (Jan. 10), regarding "Meg," a compulsive hoarder, missed one important point. Hoarding is treatable. I am a code compliance officer and encounter these situations frequently.

Hoarding is known by several other names -- Pack Rat Syndrome, collecting, etc. -- but it is considered to be a form of OCD, which is highly treatable once you convince the person to get treatment. Sufferers are usually aware they have a problem, but ashamed to let anyone know.

This problem crosses all social and economic boundaries. People with it are often highly intelligent, otherwise normal people. They just need help, and it is available. Many areas have support groups to help. -- JUDY JONES, MURIETTA, CALIF.

DEAR JUDY: Thank you for writing. Yes, as with many other problems, help is available -- if those who need it will only reach out. People with OCD can be helped through therapy, drugs, experts and organizations.

One such organization is the Obsessive Compulsive Foundation. It is best accessed through its Web site, � HYPERLINK "http://www.ocfoundation.org" ��www.ocfoundation.org�. Its phone number is (617) 973-5801. It offers referrals to local groups across the United States. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Troubled in Colorado" should call her county social services office. Most states have a senior adult services office that could help the woman in that letter take care of her needs. Hoarding is often a sign of self-neglect, and that's something these officers often deal with. They can refer her to providers who can help her clean her place.

If she has a mental health issue, the senior services worker would also help her find counseling or a doctor to deal with her challenge in discarding things. -- C.R. MAHONEY, AGENCY ON AGING, CLEVELAND

DEAR READERS: FYI, your local Area Agency on Aging can be reached at (800) 677-1116 or at � HYPERLINK "http://www.eldercare.gov" ��www.eldercare.gov�, and has expertise in handling such matters.

DEAR ABBY: I'm responding to "Troubled in Colorado," who was trying to decide what to do about the poor living conditions she found in her sick co-worker's house. I work in a hospital, and what I have seen under similar circumstances is that EMS will report living conditions like the one she described to the receiving ER, which will likely get a case manager involved, along with treating the patient's medical problems. The woman sounds like she has significant OCD that needs to be addressed. -- R.G. IN CRANSTON, R.I.

DEAR ABBY: As a professional organizer for more than 10 years, I have seen it all. "Meg," the woman in that letter, is a hoarder, which can be caused by depression. Any professional organizer should be able to help her get organized. But she also needs professional help to get to the bottom of her depression. The condition of her house is a symptom of her problem, and any professional organizer who deals with hoarders can help her. -- LESLIE J., NEW BRITAIN, CONN.

DEAR ABBY: My sisters found me in similar circumstances. The dirty living quarters, not reaching out for help -- these are all too common among people with major depressive disorder. The past year has been difficult, but with the help of my family, my therapist and the right medication, I'm doing well. You were right, Abby, when you said "Troubled" needs to let the hospital know, so "Meg" can get the help she needs. -- DOING BETTER IN MILWAUKEE

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 27, and my wife, "Marybeth," is 26. We recently went to my folks' house for supper. That evening a heavy snowstorm was starting and, because the trip home is 30 miles, we decided to stay overnight.

My old bedroom is upstairs, as are the rooms of my brothers, ages 25, 24 and 22. The guest room is downstairs. Because the room is quite small, and Marybeth said she felt a cold coming on, we decided I'd sleep in my old room.

The next day, while we were driving home, Marybeth told me she was glad I had come to her room after all and made love to her.

Abby, it wasn't me! She had mistaken one of my brothers for me in the darkness. We are all about the same size and build.

I have talked to each of my brothers (they all know about this), but they won't say who it was for fear of causing a rift between the guilty party and me. I told them that unless I find out who it was, there will be a permanent rift between all of us. (Marybeth still doesn't know it wasn't me.)

How do I handle this? -- ENRAGED IN ROCHESTER, N.Y.

DEAR ENRAGED: While you and your brothers may have a strong family resemblance, I find it hard to believe that you all smell, taste and make love like clones. So please do not accept as gospel that your wife didn't have an inkling that it wasn't you. As to who actually crept into her bed in your absence, if your brothers won't reveal who the guilty party is, then they're all equally guilty, and I wouldn't blame you for severing ties with them.

It's time to have a serious chat with your wife and get chapter and verse on what happened that night. Then she should be tested for STDs and treated if necessary.

It is possible for a couple to get past something like this, if you're both willing to work at it. The shortest route would be with the help of a licensed family therapist.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 19 and have a 9-month-old, "Sean." I live with his dad, "Richie," and my father-in-law, "Dick."

Dick drinks a lot and offers my baby beer. Dick also likes to tease Sean. He also leaves coins, toothpicks and cotton swabs on the floor, where Sean sometimes sleeps.

My son puts everything he can put his hands on into his mouth. Dick loafs all day and doesn't pay any of the bills. Please give me some advice. I'm so stressed out, I don't know what to do. -- STRESSED OUT, MIDLAND, TEXAS

DEAR STRESSED OUT: First, your baby should not be sleeping on the floor in these conditions. Second, offer your husband a choice. Either he insists that Dick straighten up his act, or you'll take Sean and make other living arrangements.

It's important, for your son's sake, that you draw the line NOW -- even if it means getting a job and putting your baby in day care. For "Grandpa" to give him alcohol is against the law. And if you don't put a stop to it, it could be considered child endangerment.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY IRISH READERS: A Happy St. Patrick's Day to you all.

"May the road rise to meet you,

"May the wind be always at your back,

"May the sun shine warm upon your face,

"May the rain fall soft upon your fields,

"And, until we meet again,

"May God hold you in the palm of his hand."

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to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm married to a wonderful man. "Dave" and I are in our late 30s.

When Dave was about 5, he was with two of his cousins who were about the same age. The three were inseparable. While they were playing, the smaller cousin fell into a pond, and the older one jumped in after him and tried to save him. All my husband could do was stand and watch as both of his little cousins -- his best friends -- drowned before his eyes. He ran for help, but by then it was too late.

I know most of the story from my mother-in-law, as Dave is unwilling to talk about it.

Last night, I went upstairs and there was my darling, weeping uncontrollably. Dave told me that he lives with horrible depression every day because of what happened, and he can't get past it. I want my husband to see a grief counselor, but he refuses because he doesn't think he'd be able to talk about it.

Abby, I love my husband. He doesn't deserve to live with this horror for the rest of his life. How can I convince him to get professional help? -- HURTING FOR MY HUSBAND

DEAR HURTING: Remind Dave that when this happened, he was only 5, and under the circumstances, he did everything he could to save his cousins. Although this incident, which has haunted him all these years, will be difficult to talk about, it's the only way to rid himself of the feelings of helplessness and survivor guilt from which he is clearly suffering.

Talking to a counselor will help him to reclaim his life and rid himself of his depression. For a couple of sessions, he may indeed just sit there and cry. But tears can be healing. And eventually he WILL be able to talk about what happened.

Clip this column, give it to your husband, and tell him that I, too, am urging him to get the help he needs. He's in my thoughts and prayers, and the longest journey begins with a single step.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in the process of creating a will. We have a 29-year-old son, married, with two young daughters. We also have a single 25-year-old son.

I have an engagement diamond with matching wedding band, and a mother's ring with diamonds and rubies. Both are of great sentimental value to me. Because I don't have a daughter, what is standard etiquette? My instinct is to will them to both granddaughters, but I don't want my daughter-in-law to feel slighted. She's very important to me. Any "rules" on this one? -- WONDERING IN MINNESOTA

DEAR WONDERING: Leave them to your granddaughters. Upon your death, they should go to your daughter-in-law for "safekeeping" until the girls are old enough to appreciate both their monetary and sentimental value.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently at a family gathering with my husband's family. His uncle was hosting the party, and his wife asked me a question that I honestly didn't know the answer to.

His uncle's wife asked me how she should introduce me to their friends. Should she say, "This is our nephew's wife" or should she introduce me as their "niece"? What's the right answer for a situation like this? -- NANCY IN ARNOLD, MD.

DEAR NANCY: Tell your husband's aunt that the next time she makes the introductions, she should say, "This is our nephew, 'Bob,' and his lovely wife, Nancy," and to say it with a smile.

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